My mom passed and my ex wife should have joined her...

This past weekend, I had the chance to visit with my 5 children whom I haven't seen in almost 5 months. I took a chance.

Currently I had a bench warrant for a just cause with friend of the court over child support. Sunday my sister calls my ex and my fiance. They both call my ex expressing the need to get ahold of me, that my mom wasn't doing well.

Monday I get fed up and by Tuesday I walked outta her house calling her my usual "F* B*" walking to town.. (sorry forgot to mention im 3 hours by car from my home by now where she and the kids are) a sheriff dept. pulls over and long story short..

My ex calls a bogus domestic knowing full well they would run our names and I'd get popped for the warrant. I told the cop ahead of time I had one and I would willingly do what ever he wanted to comply with the warrant. The county wanted me picked up so off I go.

My mom by then is now dying and my fiance is frantly calling and texting my ex wanting to talk to me.. my ex's reply was "i dont know where he is.. im not his keeper" call and text logs show she was watching me hauled off at the time of those texts and calls..

then i get a call the next day in jail from .. yep my ex .. expressing how sorrowful she was and that my mom died.

FoC dropped the charges on a PR.. which yep.. I cant leave the state or i face charges. I had to listen to my moms funeral over a speaker phone at home by then.

I'm still furious over what my ex did.. and I am certain a 1968 Russian satellite will come crashing outta orbit mostly whole and take the woman out. Karma thy time cometh.

And I never thought someone would be that cruel in my life. I was wrong.

 

Sounds like something my ex wife or the mother of my child would do. Some women are just nuts. Yet, the men get the blame in most cases.

I have been out of work (legitimately due to near death health reasons) and the mother of my son, who refuses to let me see him, has had child support on my ass a couple of times, most recently when my grandmother died because she thought I inherited some big money. I've had to ban her and all her family (including my son) from my Facebook because that is about the only way she would have known ANYTHING about my grand mother's death (I even left my son's name out of the obituary for that reason).

Now, I see that FB won't ban IP addresses or can't stop people from getting a new e mail and making up a name. So I no longer accept new friends and am starting to clean out my account. due to this bitch.

Sorry for my rant, just trying to say in some way I can relate and I am very sorry about your mom.

 

I'm sorry that your mother died, but I'm not sure I understand your story.

Have I got this right? You have a bench warrant against you for not paying the child support you are meant to pay. After 5 months of not seeing your kids, you traveled 3 hours to see them and you hang around for a few days (with your ex? I'm not sure), imposing yourself on her.

You were told on Sunday that your mother was very unwell. You stayed where you were. Was that message passed on? I'm assuming you have no phone of your own.

On Monday, you are "fed up", but still stay there.

On Tuesday you had a major blowup and left the house calling your ex a bunch of names (sounds like a fairly significant disruption in your ex's house). Due to the blowup, you're ex calls the police and they pick you up for the bench warrant. While this is going on and your ex is in a high adrenaline state, your fiance calls and says she wants to get in touch and your ex blows her off.

Somehow it's all her fault?

As I say, I don't get it. Parts of this story seem to be missing.

 

They waited five months for their dad to visit! Speaking as a mum who watched her kid looking hopefully out of the window for years - only to turn away disappointed - that sucks and you need to sort it. Fuck you and your ex and your games - children deserve to know where they come from, to know the story of their line - both sides. They also need food and shelter and clothes - which child support is supposed to go towards. I rarely saw any of mine. It would have made a great difference to me, to the jobs I could afford to do because there was a pittance being paid weekly to help with childs expences. Like many men, his excuse was that I might spend it on myself, and that he wanted to be wealthy himself sooner so was keeping hold of it.
Pity you did not go on the sunday to say last goodbyes - but, honestly, the important things you say to your mum and she to you - they are the things you talked about over the years. What she wanted to teach you in life - sure she started off lessons when you were young enough to not realise you were being taught.
Maybe the thing to take from this is not to let this happen to your kids when they are your age and you hers. Do not put off telling them you are proud of them, that you care about them. You and your ex. Your love for your children should be stronger than your hatred of each other. You need to sort it - and you need to pay your way, they are your children too, your joint responsibility. Have clear lines drawn up.

 

Yeah, I agree. This is not making sense. Sad situation for sure.

 

sorry was upset over my moms death still.. it went like this.. Due to her running to Michigan with our children and wanting a divorce.. it was given to her both our rides.. a Mazda MPV van that sits 7 and the Aztech which sits 5. She threw a fit to get them. That left me coming up into Michigan with no ride. In the rural area where I was staying. (I have no family in Michigan, coming from Louisiana) it was extremely hard to get a job.

For the record, I paid a years child support on the day we filed custody. It pissed off the Friend of the Court in the county we filed. They have never had a guy do this apparently. Months later at the divorce hearing, she got the rides and primary custody with me getting them every other weekend.

I spent the better part of a year, traveling by bus to many of my jobs. I do valve tech at Nuke plants and petroleum plants. Pay is good, yet its dangerous. Almost all the money went to paying off our debts before the divorce.

What I didn't know is they do a back child support from the time she left Louisiana. That is what I am behind in, not current. She refuses to work, she has had 12yrs to finish college for her LPN and still hasn't. She gets state cash assist. So, all the money I give her goes to pay into the state cash and she only gets 50 a month.

Not having a ride, I can't get my children every other weekend. I'm lucky to even see them. I take any chance I can to see them.

She has had over a year to settle and enjoy the fruits of her labors with her new love interest. She isn't happy with him. I was to stay at a mutual friends house. I got there settled down and much to the horror of my EX's boyfriend and Mine. The pipes in the house were broken from them not wintering their trailer before leaving for a few months outta state.. So, my friends get back find the house unlivable and here I am stuck.

My plans where for 4 days up north. 3hrs by ride from my home. Not much I could do, for my ride back wasn't ready. All went well, I stayed at her trailer with my children. I fixed up a lot of the stuff that needed fixin there.

Monday she gets a call from my fiance and my sister saying my mom isn't doing well. My ex blows it off on the count my sister over reacts alot. Yet, she never told me of this.

Come Tuesday.. She, my oldest daughter and I get in her van to go to a store that lends dresses to girls for dances. Her brakes are out. Gone. We end up coasting up a hill. I ask to use her phone, she refuses. I get out. ( sorry its dangerous in Michigan this time a year and even more so with out any brakes.) I tell our daughter to get out .. my ex speeds off down a hill. Pissed at me.

I walk to her house and get my stuff and say I am leaving can I plz use the phone to find the nearest walmart so i can call and have my fiance send my bus money. She again refuses.

I live in Kalamazoo, MI she currently lives in Central Lake, MI that's how far away I live. I'm looking at walking to the nearest town 20something miles away that has a bus I can take. I figure I can hitch a ride or something to get there. She gets pissed I am leaving. Seems she wants me to stay for some reason I can't fathom.

I get called a dead beat dad in front of my children.

NOTE: for clarification... the state of Michigan doesn't recognize a 1099 job as a constant perm job. My valve tech jobs are via contract. Due to this and the fact I don't know when they will come, I am required to report in person to the county we had our custody case in. I was stuck last November with no ride so I called asking for a phone interview. They refused. The report means.. I walk into the place. sit for 30 min. Talk to a lady and she says try again next month (that part takes 5 min). Why they cant take a damn phone interview I don't know.

My average pay for valve tech is thus.. 35.70 an hour 400-840 a week per Diem. 15hr days 8 is straight 7 is time and a half all week Saturdays is all time an a half and Sundays is double time.

average time at work a month or so and I clear 35k easy. The jobs are insurance jobs, and those pay the best. So, I'm screwed in the fact they wont accept I have a real job.

So, at the time I'm up there I have a bench warrant on me. Not cuz I can't pay child support.. Its because the damn state requires me to be there no matter what when I don't have a ride.

My ex turns mean after saying that and tells me I shouldn't be with anyone. That the love of these children should be enough. That I should stay here and help take care of them.

I watched my world turn to ash as my ex (wife at the time) got on Facebook find an old HS sweetheart. Spend 36k of my money on them, moved to Michigan to be with him. And left me to basically to die in Louisiana. So when I tell her F* you B*.... I'm being as polite as I can.

The Sheriff even told me it was a bogus Domestic and he didn't even run it. The only problem and he even took my side on it was I was honest and told him I had a warrant on me. He ran my name sure enough it came up. and the county issuing it said they would pick me up.

So, now I'm in cuffs in the back of a cruiser. Headed to Jail.. My fiance calls asking for me yet again cuz my mom is doing way bad now. And my ex tells her through calls and texts she has no clue where I am at. The phone logs show yep, I was being stripped searched at the time in question. My ex did know where I was.

After a night in jail, my ex calls and informs me my mom died that morning. None of my family could get a hold of me, I only got one phone call and I called my fiance to let her know where I was.

So, my ex only called the bogus Domestic knowing they would run my name and put me in jail. We argue at times and get along in other times. She didn't like it at all that I was with someone now. I haven't for over a year, and I found someone in my life that is healthy for me. So, if I'm not around my children, there is a reason. I am not required by anyone even God to hang around my ex. Sure I want to be with my children.. but at the expense of my emotions, my sanity and my heart? NO. if none can understand that part, then you haven't been through emotional abuse.

I gave her everything I could and it still wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough.

I try to be there for my children as much as I can. I had to transplant to a state with no jobs, no family hardly any friends what so ever. And the state takes her side. So, if I come off a bit grrrrr I apologize for that. I cut the state a check for 8k when I paid a years child support which is good up until May of this year.

The rest of my assets went to her hoping she would get a house for our children, which she spent on what ever she does.

All I know is cuz I tried to be a dad to my children, I got spanked for it. My mom died with out me even being able to say good bye. And she sits on her throne content that my life is hell and troubled.

All I want in this world is to see my children, have a life. And be happy.

So, lets see.. I paid my child support She gets both Food Stamps and Cash assistance. Her family put her up in a trailer. She has the rides. She has the children. I'm behind only in the 3 months prior to her leaving Louisiana and filing. At no job its 331 a month for our 5 children when neither of us have a job. With me making 35.70 an hour that comes to almost 1500 a month. I am only 2k behind. They aren't worried about me paying the back right now. My ex only gets to see 50 a month from me due to her being on Cash Assistance.

Currently in my home... I have 15 cans of soup.. 1 loaf of bread.. 3 cans of tuna and coffee. My ex has the house stocked with food ( In that I am greatful she has the food stamps to feed our children.)

The money that I paid for child support? Well it goes to pay the Cash Assist she gets a month from the state for not working. And if you want I can post pics I took of her trailer. Just seeing that alone you would understand why I was livid with her. Every room is cluttered animal crap and urine on the floors from a dog. And no place to sleep for 5 children 3 boys two girls. Yet the state will do nothing about it.

And to see her with over 30 bucks in scratch off tickets? Yeah, I'm not dogging anyone for saying... "He says I blow it" to me 30 bucks in scratch offs is blowing your money.. So, if i say she blows it she does.

I've tried to work with her and be the better person. All it gets me is hurt, either emotionally or physically. And even though I went to jail. I DID do it to see my children.

Currently I'm looking into a local job, even if its pumping gas. I don't want to do it, but if it gets the state off my backside, I will. I don't know what else to do.

 

It's unfortunate that children have to suffer through this.
The two supposed grown-ups in this story (that would be you and the ex) need to stop acting like 2 children and focus on doing what's right.
Stop the tit for tat immature behavior.

 

Yeahhhhhh

Sorry dude. You fail. To say that you'd put your own emotions, heart and "sanity" above those of your children only serves to ignore the entire point of being a good parent to begin with. Sure, your ex may be a bitch, sure she did a shitty thing, and karma may well serve her a cold dish, but karma will also serve one to you as well if you can't man up and put the kids ahead of your petty squabbles. I can barely go a night without seein my kids, I can't imagine 5 months. Sack up -- seriously.

It's always great to see adults acting more like children than actual children