Do you think people treat their relationship better than the last?

i wouldn't go that far. that's not to discount the number of meaningful same sex relationships, but i thing that relationships come and go regardless of sexual preference.

 

No such thing as unconditional love! Rubbish. Ask your mother about it, she may be able to explain.

 

lol

 

she moved me out of the house when i was 14 "for my own good"

it's hard to say that some good didn't come of it, but speculating is pointless because the past is already done

 

I just won a fiver!

 

I think that people either learn from the last one, or they keep having the same broken relationship over and over again. I hope that I've learned.

 

"I'm a better person now." Okay, got that. Me? I take out all my frustrations on the women that I see between relationships.

Date a girl for two years, break up -> several one night stands -> date a girl for two years, break up -> wash, rinse, repeat

The key is that work-it-out buffer, guys. Learning your lesson is one thing... take out your frustrations is another.

You're not over a serious relationship until you break hotel room furniture with a disposable woman.

 

A "disposable woman". Hmm.

Not in any way recyclable?

 

Don't put so much air in them, they won't be stiff enough to break the furniture.

 

I'd hope I learn from my mistakes and move on from them...

 

I can't tell from own experience, I've been with the same man for so long. But I would think, you have to recognize the things that went wrong in your previous relationship in order to make the next one work better. The new person should be aware of those issues too.

However when you get older, the issues and life situations turn different. People do change, but I don't think they can always change with the same people around them.

 

Chelle, the one critical piece you left out of your opening statement is whether you yourself have changed as well. That is probably the biggest framework for a relationship - that 2 people are in motion together, and their evolution and changes are either going to keep them stagnant, draw them closer together, or completely pull them apart.

I've had relationships where I wanted to be that awesome girl they'd never had before. Problem was, that illusion comes with a price, and usually it was a temporary bandaid on a far bigger problem both in their heads and mine.

In my view part of it is learning the lessons, but the other part of it is just actually figuring out what the hell I actually am about, and what would be compatible with that. It is difficult to have those realizations at times when you have wrapped up your entire existence within someone else, especially for extended periods of time.

 

Completely agreed.

 

You've nailed down several things to expect to be different in your next relationship. Don't allow anyone to disrespect you. Let him know what you expect from the relationship including sexually. It sounds like this guy more interested in himself than you.

 

I know I did. Had the perfect woman back in 2005 - 2007 (model, psychology student - later lawschool so she was incredibly smart and best of all - a genuinely nice person). I was an asshole, and paid the price in full. Still beat myself up for it. Last "relationship" I had was with a girl much younger than me (yes she was legal), therefore not very experienced. But I learned from my lessons and basically tried to be perfect. I succeeded, but we weren't right for eachother. After we decided to end it, I asked her flat out what she didn't like about me. She thought long and hard about it and came up with one thing; "well, your breath kinda stinks when you wake up".

The reason we broke it off was because we didn't have the necessary chemistry, not because of a particular flaw(s).

So yes, some people do learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately for me, after I lost the girl of my dreams I am too afraid to commit myself again. So I lock myself up emotionally and physically, and don't let anyone in.

Anyway, time for school. And that's about the only occasion where I leave the house other than shopping and the rare visit to a friend.

 

Just to address this briefly, I have to disagree. I have little substantial experience off of which to base my assertion, but I'm pretty sure that with the variety of personality differences and incompatibilities that exist across the sexual and gender spectrum, it's just as likely two members of a same sex couple will get thrown together and not fit as members of a heterosexual couple.

I think I'm a better partner in my current relationship than I was in my past, not just because I feel more inherent compatibility with my girlfriend than I did with my ex, but more importantly because I like myself and am happier being myself than I ever was in my last relationship. Gone are the anxieties and insecurities I had about acting like my natural self when I was in my ex's presence, especially in the company of other people. Because I was so caught up in worrying about what she thought about each and every one of my actions and behaviors, I had far less mental and emotional energy to put into being both a decent person to be around and a decent partner in the context of the relationship. Which speaks to this:

I had to get to the point first of being okay with and accepting myself exactly as I am before I was able, or interested, in finding someone who could do the same, especially in the absence of my ability to do the same. Fortunately I was able to get to that point. Also fortunately, that person found me before I ever had to look for her.

 

Ive always tried to be a good friend and a good girlfriend but I find myself putting in less effort now in my 30s, I think because I used to spend so much time on grooming myself......cooking......cleaning...........spoiling at times...............being a good lover...........and I got f-ed over so many times and didnt get the same effort back so I just stopped doing alot of things or doing them alot less............well also my job takes alot out of me, I kinda wonder and worry about myself sometimes because Ive changed so much in that way but I think it was a natural thing to happen, Im kinda glad that i dont give a f about certain things so much anymore, Im busy with work anyway. I dunno .

 

I don't think people necessarily change, but are more aware of their actions and words and the effect they have on others, especially a SO.

In previous relationships, for example, I had issues with poor and lacking communication negatively affecting my relationship. Knowing that that was a cause of tension and issues, I know that it's something I need to actively work on and try better at in current relationships.

So I wouldn't say that I necessarily treat someone "better", I just am more aware of how I act and what I say, which leads to a healthier and more stable relationship.

I could imagine that the OP's ex does not take any of that growth into account.