Admitting it when I'm wrong...

Ugh. It is so easy for some words to tumble out but admitting when I am wrong is very hard.

Kudos, dear @Lindy, this is beautifully done.

 

If I'm wrong I admit it. Most times it's much easier than trying to CMA. With that said, there are times when some people won't let it go, but I just consider the problem to be with them not with me.

As for the written word--email, text messages, internet forum posts, etc.--the lack of voice of intonation, combined with not really knowing the person in some cases, frequently leads to misinterpretations. In my case my mood at the moment plays a large role, bad mood = increased irritability. I try to follow a simple rule on internet forums: If a post seriously upsets me, and I know that my initial response is going to be snide or even combative, it's time to step away from the keyboard and give it some rational thought.

 

When I was in the patrol, integrity was paramount. The patrol would forgive a lot if you were honest. If you had to write a corrective memo, you had to articulate what you did, how you violated policy and procedure, and how you would work correctly in the future. If you were caught lying on the stand, you were done for. You were branded a Brady cop and you were untouchable, you could not be trusted in court. No department would ever hire you again and every defense attorney would go through old cases and smear your testimony. Many verdicts could be thrown out or overturned. And the lawsuits would pile up. So your integrity is huge.

 

I heard something on Blue Bloods that made a lot of sense (no, I don't rely on TV series for great life advice and/or profound wisdom). FTR I'm 100% certain that it was first said then later written many, many centuries prior to television.

"When you make a serious and harmful mistake, you don't get to choose your penance or when it ends."

 

I'm actually happy to see this. I've dismissed you a few times for your snarky comments. I even complained to a mod about you.

I suppose I was wrong about you since you're capable of owning up to things.

 

The TFP is a family. Most of us have, for better and worse, learned how to be family elsewhere. The TFP is unique in that all of us bear witness to everything on the board. This is a huge positive.
I have an aversion to conflict so when Lindy snarked, I felt anxious. I came back to the thread planning to say that despite my big love of pretty places, it is the people that I meet that really matter. I didn't because of the conflict.
Owning up to things is not easy for me but when it needs to be said, it should be. I was so relieved and thankful to see this thread.
No, it was never a big deal, but it still matters.

 

Do comments that could filed under

I might be wrong, but I seriously doubt it

count as an admission of being wrong?

 

Rhetorical, I assume?
If not, any condition set upon, "I was wrong," isn't admitting wrongness.
--- merged: Sep 10, 2016 at 12:22 AM ---

Yeah, I guess petty is a better descriptor than snarky.
Just the same, the reaction was enough to make me zip it, but in doing so I played it safe, which I need to work on.

I prefer that we communicate in front of one another, as opposed to private messaging because it keeps it in the group.
In previous years, I was more inclined to private message but that seemed to fuel gossip. This time back though, I've sent a single welcome message while shutting another down because the member only lurks here and I'm not comfortable with that. I guess my point is that I like when things are out in the light of the boards.

I want us to be honest and direct and real with one another. You were real and that is OK. You making this thread was a continuation of that.

 

My comment was inspired by a post in this thread that is
a 'sort of" acknowledgement of the 'possibility' of being wrong.

 

I didn't see the response to Snowy.

There have been times when what you say comes off as sort of rude. i can't pinpoint too many examples, just that I was put off on how you presented yourself a few times.

The complaint to a mod was mostly a rant. It was your response to the "obese Man's" thread. How you stated things was a bit much for a new person and I could see it triggering a negative response. It did. He got really defensive, that's why I didn't say anything to you because due to his actions, he didn't deserve me defending him. I was going to attempt to talk things through rationally, but a mob had formed around you. I couldn't decide if I was proud or disappointed in our group here. They had your back like a crazy family. It was nice to see that support, but since I felt your response was a bit rude, especially to a person new to TFP, it made me think of how we seem to be a clique now and blind to the process of how to talk things through. Although it's great that people will have our backs, we shouldn't be so defensive.

It's a great way to weed out the riff-raff, but we need to not attack. This forum will suffer if we can't attract new people.

 

This is something to think about.
I don't want to belong to a clique, nope, nope, nope.

The TFP has felt clique-ish as well as patriarchal to me at times in the past.
I strive to be a strong woman and so am drawn to women unafraid to speak their minds. That's what I saw in Lindy's response. But, as a formerly fat person, I wouldn't have used identical language in my response to a new poster and maybe that is the biggest takeaway that I see. We don't yet know new members so even if they ask for the unvarnished truth, they may not yet know that we will give them exactly what they are asking for. When I was new for the second time--after literally years off the board--I came back and promptly got smacked down for responding to a troll by telling him to fuck off. That really hurt and I never felt comfortable here again. I feel more comfortable now but crucially, I now know how to deal with internet trolls.

It is a tricky balance. The boards have seemed over-moderated in the past and I really do not want that. OTOH, you make a really good point about new members--we need them and in that crucial period before they earn "tilted" status, perhaps we should nurture them more. I'll try to remember that.

 

That's depends on the individual and the members of the group.
Some groups (cliques) accept newbies once they've gained (earned) membership.
Others expect newbies to further to prove their worth before gaining full acceptance.
Others have a clear pecking order where the newbie has to continuously prove themselves in order to move up in rank of acceptance.

I've read this ^ several times. The best I've came up with is:

And (admitting to) being wrong (is) being a decent human being.