babies shouldn't have babies

It's been a year since I graduated and there are seriously more than 10 girls who are pregnant or have a child already. What is going on in this world? I get that afterwards their baby is the most precious thing in their life now, but do they not take it into consideration that they've ruined their lives in a way? They can't go out with friends as much as they used to, can't go to parties or stay out late, etc.

I have to say, for those teenagers who have had a baby and are getting full support from your families and friends. You're lucky. Yes there are like 10 maybe 15 girls from my school who are now mothers, but about 5 of them have to do everything on their own. They're not allowed out, their parents make them do everything themselves, and if their boyfriend/fiance steps out of the picture...they have to deal with the baby by themselves. I'm NOT saying this is what every teen mom should go through, but I definitely think its..somewhat partial? (Not sure if thats the word.) But what I mean is, THESE 5 moms are going to learn responsibility and become good moms. The other 10, are being babied through the whole process.

My whole point of this little rant, was basically just due to shock of how many people are having babies. I plan on having a family, but not for a few more years. I just don't know why someone would WANT to have a baby at such a young age, and ruin all chances of enjoying their future of being KID FREE. No clubs, no parties, etc. I don't get it.

 

I think it's the education. I know a couple of 18 year olds who graduated high school and figured it was time to have a baby. They're literally 18 and with a baby. Fortunately, their facebook status updates seems to reflect that their parents are helping them out, because--god help them if the parents weren't in the picture. Anyway, I was at one point in charge of them, so I care about their welfare, but it's not my place to tell them not to have a baby, even if I know it's a really really bad idea.

The majority of my college, and even my law school classmates have remained baby-free thus far. The more educated they are (e.g. med school) the less I see them having babies.

 

I see what you mean. Maybe if they would've waited until they completed their first year of college...their intentions would have been different? You know?
And I understand that accidents happen because 2 of those girls were my friends told me the condom broke.; but it still just a little foggy to me. Of course I'm going to support them. I'm not going to say, YOU GET AN ABORTION YOU'RE RUINING YOUR LIFE.

But (ALWAYS AND FOREVER) in the back of mind, I will think...what did you do?

I guess it's a bad thing I'm ranting about this only because my mother was 16 when she had me and she gave me up for adoption. After she had beaten me so badly I was barely alive, and she had the decency to dump me at the hospital, she bought a bus ticket to somewhere. I don't know, I'm NOT saying every teen mom will do this. But this is also a major concern to me. The pressure to be a good mom, the stress, the exhaustion...i hope it won't add up.

 

I'd say that last sentence pretty much sums the whole thing up. You don't get it because you have a different set of priorities than they do. They don't want to wait to have a family, you do. Same thing happened in my high school, within a year of graduation 5 of the fewer than 40 young ladies in my graduating class were either pregnant or had given birth. 5 years out every single one that I had kept up contact with had a child or was expecting.

Some of these girls will tell you its the best decision they ever made; some the worst. Some in each camp will be right, some will be wrong. Don't ask 9er which is which.

Also, getting help from your parents doesn't mean you're getting 'babied' through parenthood. I would sincerely question the functionality of a family where the grandparents didn't help out. Nor does marriage and educational achievements prevent fathers (or mothers for that matter) from running out on a kid.

 

Gee, I'm 41 and my wife and I get a lot of family support raising our kids. I agree with Hektore that family (or other) support is almost critical in being able to raise children.

 

Don't dismiss your friends who are mothers
Not saying you will or even thought about it, but think about it, in a number of years you too will want to have a child. These young ladies will be a valuable resource.

They have traded, willingly or not the excitement of a night on the town for the satisfaction of having a hand in forming a human being.

I am a father and my boys are probably older than you (from how I read your OP). I was 20 when my first came to me and I wouldn't trade the life we shared for anything. Imagine a kid realizing that 'I can do this" and taking a step, growing itellectually, emotionally and you having a hand in it. It's the greatest thing.

So keep contact with them, you will be their lifeline to what's happening and you get to vicariously watch a kid grow.
AND you get someone in your corner when it's your time

 

I always said the best form of birth control was having four younger brothers (the three youngest are all at least 12 years younger than me.)

In a similar thread, I mentioned that my mom had me at 19. Every now and then, I'll do the math and think "Mom had a 10 year old and a 6 year old at this point in her life." It sort of blows my mind.

For what it's worth, I'm 30 years old, and still a little weirded out that so many of my former classmates have kids --even though we're at the age where we're "supposed" to have them, I still feel like we have no idea what we're doing. It's funny to think about. When I was a kid, I thought Mom knew EVERYTHING. Now that I'm older, I realize she was probably pretty clueless, too.

(Edited to add: At this point in time, I am not a mother.)

 

Yeah ismmm, because 18-year olds almost always have optimal financial and educational resources with which to care for their child and "have a hand" in their growth as a human being.

I don't get it either. 18yr olds are not able to provide the best possible environment for a child to grow up in.

Now if anyone's going to argue "LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!": shut up.

 

Love is definitely not all you need, but I like the idea of allowing 18 year olds to have babies. Maybe they won't be able to buy self-rocking crib with a built in microphone, formula dispense and exercise wheel. I like the fact that some kids might have to grow up going through a "rice and beans" period in their life where things are hard, but not impossibly so. I think it all boils down to people confusing "giving a better future to our children" with "give an easier future to our children".

 

Sure. Ignore the educational aspect completely.

Most of these 18 yr olds hardly have average education (then again, this is the US) on which to base their thoughts and how to make sure their child(ren) end up with as much knowledge and personality development as possible.

 

You don't need a formal education to know that having a kid is a dumb idea if you can't take care of it. this "knowledge" and "personality" business is all really subjective too. nobody wakes up at 18 with their last memory being pulled out plastered in placenta, they're going to learn things and develop personalities one way or another, completely independent of formal education.

 

I disagree on two matters here:

1. Education level of the average young parent is essential for coming up with, what they perceive to be, the best methodology in which to bring up a child. I agree what and how development is done is subjective to each set of parents, but their education enables them to maximize whatever they want to achieve.

2. Maturity. When considering what is best, parental maturity is a must. I've seen multiple young mothers in Germany who dressed their kids up as little gangsters, rainbow-colored their hair and pampered them without any resemblance of a limit.

 

I was never taught "how to raise a kid" in school. Ever. Even if i had been, I feel like I would rather take the advice of my parents over that of some book.

Maturity is a good way of putting what is probably the most important part of parenting (mind you this opinion is coming from a 22 year old with zero kids). They might not have all the technical "nipple end of bottle goes in baby's mouth" knowledge, but as long as they're committed to doing what's best for the kid then I think that qualifies someone as a good and worthy parent regardless of education (although maybe not income).

 

You're taking the matter too literal and thus miss the point. Education improves ways of thinking. It adds/improves methods in which to assess situations and provides a knowledge-base from which to find better solutions.

I'm also 22, with zero kids.

 

if it's critical thinking and innovative problem solving that you're talking about, then yes i will agree with you but when i read "education" i had flashbacks to multiplication tables and American history, thinking "how could this possibly benefit my spawn?"

 

Let's agree to agree then.

 

On my second year of social work studies we had a project about single teen moms. We interviewed them because we were generally interested in their stories and profiles. Most of those girls were less educated which in their case meant they were less ambitious or career-oriented and that's why keeping a baby didn't feel like such a sacrifice, i guess. They had family support even if they didn't have support from their partner, and they all had extremely optimistic attitudes about life and future. Now, i didn't interview a lot of them, of course, so i can't make any conclusions.
But some other stories were terrible – few of those girls didn't even know they were pregnant until it was too late for abortion (i have no idea how can they not notice for 4 months that they are pregnant), and others didn't have money for abortion. Some of those girls were raped and too terrified to do anything about it...
.......
I'm so glad i'm done with that project.

 

This sentence right here cracked me up. If providing the 'best possible environment' is a necessary condition for 'becoming a parent responsibly' then I think it's safe to say no one should ever have children.

 

I get what you mean when you say they decided to do it earlier. And I guess I should respect that. Because you're right, I do want to have children one day too but not for a couple of years. I just didn't understand why someone so young would WANT to trade in their young and futuristic crazy lifestyle for a family right out of school. You know? But alot of my friends who did have kids, said they wouldn't change it for the world. I guess I'll never actually know how they feel about it...until I have my own kids you know?

And I'm not saying they shouldn't get family support AT ALL. I'm just saying if i'm gonna have a baby and I'm dumping her onto my parents every night because my friends want to go out...I just think thats wrong. The parents are babying their kid and the kid is taking advantage of the parents. there was a girl a year younger than me who a kid a couple of months ago. My one friend is friends with her and shes always telling me how this girl goes out almost every other night. She either leaves the baby with her parents or her younger sister. And when this girl goes out, she's going to parties with college guys and girls. I'm not trying to immediateyl stereotype the college life, but come on. We all know what it's like when you go to a college party. Right? And I mean, I guess it's nice when you can do that and no one says anything about it. But I just think to myself, why aren't her parents making her watch her kid. Get some responsibility. If it WAS her decision to have a kid at such a young age, then back it up. Start taking your part. Know what I mean?
Of course family and friend support would be great if I were pregnant or already had a kid, but to...an extent. ya know?

 

Hey, well done. You've completely turned around my position on this, because you pointed out that I failed to mention tolerance thresholds. 18 yr olds certainly are of prime emotional maturity and intelligence.

But yeah, let's go with a universal reply like yours to defend the irresponsible and reckless decisions teenagers make.

A big HURRAY to your wisdom, brother.