Is it okay to accept an ex's friend request if you're in a relationship/married?

We were together for 5 1/2 years and basically grew up together. We were eachother’s first everything. Broke up because we were long distance, headed in different directions in life, and weren’t right for eachother. We kept in touch but haven’t spoken in about 5 years due to him getting married and his wife cutting off all contact including blocking me and discussing payments he still owed me. It was for the best anyways because the wounds were still fresh at that time. Fast forward to now, I found out they were divorcing. Few days ago he liked old pics I posted years ago of old friends (not pics of us), sent me a friends request but deleted it before I responded.

Last night he found me on Instagram and started “following” me.
I don’t think he is trying to get me back since he is clear across the country. People think it's fishy he's contacting me after a divorce but I think he's just doing what he wants because he no longer has a controlling wife. Also, I don’t want him back either. I just would like to not have someone “blocked” from my life if no harm was done to me but to be cordial. Not friends though out of respect for my relationship. I do not have any feelings for my ex and have no desire to be with hin sexually or romantically but I will always care for him because of our past. I am very happy with my boyfriend and we are very serious…so should I tell him about all of this if he friend requests me again on Facebook? I do not want to make it seem like a big deal…My bf does not really have any exes but I would be ok if an ex is on his social media as long as there are boundaries. Like i would start to worry of they talked all the time, had late night talks, liked all her pics, etc.

I do want to add him if he requests on Facebook again but I don't know if I should tell my bf or not. I don't want to look like I'm hiding anything but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Thoughts?

 

COMMUNICATION

that's the key

 

If your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with this, then no. If you don't trust yourself to keep your friendship with your ex platonic, then no. If you don't trust your ex not to want to try and get with you again, then no.

But if you are very confident in the friendship with your ex being truly platonic, and that you and he are truly free of any romantic interest in one another; and if you are very confident in your love for your boyfriend and your commitment to fidelity; and if you are open and mature about this with your boyfriend, and he feels comfortable about it all...then yes, by all means, add your ex.

 

Anyways I talked to my ex... I kept it short and told my ex that I can't be accepting his phone calls, have long talks/frequent communication, He agreed and understood then said it was good to hear from me and he was no longer under his ex wife's tyranny, and sorry for being out of touch. I didn't want to continue conversation and didn't want to catch up unless I talked to my bf first.
I told my boyfriend about everything including the conversation I had with my ex. Bf seemed a bit confused and weirded out by it but I asked if he had a problem and he said no as long as it wasn't weird. So he trusts me to keep it a distance and not be talking to my ex all the time...

So I gave it a go to catch up with my ex and message him again, he saw the message and no response. I'm confused why he's now not responding after wanting to catch up but whatever. It's weird.

Anyways, just wanted to follow up.

 

I just find it odd he wanted to catch up but I kept it short to talk to my bf about the situation. So then I continued conversation, with keeping in mind to keep it quick and short) only to not get a response. Like I said, if he doesn't respond then whatever. I've gone years without talking to him and was happy but it's just weird. I just want to be able to be like other people and keep a distance but be able to say "Hi" sometimes, a "happy birthday" without having late night talks, long conversations, or frequent communication but to be like acquaintances. People that aren't afraid to comment on a pic or like it and have a brief discussion as I do. I guess I wish it was normal.

Also, I want to thank you for not "throwing stones" at me for this.

 

I'll "throw stones" based on this and your other threads asking for relationship advice.

Grow up and make up a decision. Some thing aren't easy to do, but they have to be done. Either concentrate on your current relationship by making your "XBF" an actual and permanent XBF, or continue to straddle the fence and risk problems with your current relationship.

 

I get the distinct impression (and could be completely wrong) that Chelle will have problems with keeping it "casual" with the XBF because an emotional attachment still exists. Caring about an X is fine, even normal, but that requires a certain amount of detachment. Maintaining that detachment is a problem for some people.

 

I didn't when I had the option, and don't regret it.

Thinking about it, I do have one ex on FB. A girl I kissed once, when we were ten.

 

Only ex i have on Facebook was my high school girlfriend from nearly 25 years ago. I'm married with kids, she's married with kids....who cares?

 

I don't really understand why this (the original post) is a question. Don't break any rules of your current relationship (ie - don't cheat, emotionally or physically). Don't befriend people who are horrible. Outside of that, friend whoever the hell you want. If something is on your mind, communicate with your current partner about it.

Also, if your ex didn't respond to your FB message right away it might have something to do with the fact that you were short with him on the phone and said that certain types of communication shouldn't happen. Regardless of whether or not you explained your reasoning or whether or not he seemed to understand, he may have had certain expectations of how your first conversation would go after all these years and maybe it wasn't what he thought it would be, so he stepped back a bit. Or maybe he's just busy. (He's probably just busy.)

For the record, i'm still FB friends with most of my ex's. Maybe I shouldn't be with some of them, but that's my decision to make.