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Carpool Etiquette

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by snowy, May 5, 2015.

  1. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    So, my husband is an hour late to dinner out because his carpool person (it's just the two of them) had to go to their bank on the way home. The dude lives in the middle of our town, and the bank apparently closes at six. Meanwhile, my husband is MIA and I've been sitting here for quite a while by myself.

    Is it cool to run an errand without dropping off your carpool person first? My hubs didn't know until he got in the car, and due to where we live, his car is at the carpool buddy's house.

    Everyone else is eating their dinner but me.
     
    snowy, May 5, 2015
    #1
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    Lots of variables at play here.

    I don't think there is a blanket "yes" or "no" answer to the question of whether it is okay to run errands while your carpool buddy is along.

    Do both people drive equally? Share all travel costs equally? How much of a hardship would it really be to run the errand after dropping them off?

    All of those are factors at play IMO.

    However, at the very least, unless it is a true emergency, communication a day or two ahead of time is the bare minimum required.



    I carpooled for about 18 months. I felt that the other person was taking advantage of me for several reasons (including always wanting to run errands before dropping me off, ironically enough). I was young and naive, and put up with it longer than I should have. Eventually, after a couple of conversations where I tried to realign the agreement, I decided to opt out. The same guy ended up passing through 3-4 other carpool buddies in the several years after, all of them deciding to stop sharing rides with him for similar reasons to what I objected to.
     
    Borla, May 5, 2015
    #2
  3. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    This is a new arrangement, and it sprung up because my husband drove this guy all last week because dude's car was in the shop. The idea was that they would trade off weeks. He didn't know until he got off that the guy needed to go to the bank.
     
    snowy, May 5, 2015
    #3
  4. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    As a total non driver I'm in a different position.
    When I was younger and would kick in for gas but was at the mercy of the driver.
    I remember times not getting home from work for hours because they wanted to make a couple of stops.
    That's why I ride my bike.
     
    redravin, May 5, 2015
    #4
  5. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    So, another clarifying point: the guy didn't tell my husband they were going to the bank until he pulled into the bank parking lot. Furthermore, the guy's home was on the way to one of the branches.
     
    snowy, May 5, 2015
    #5
  6. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North


    Personally that it isn't cool with me.
     
    redravin, May 5, 2015
    #6
  7. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    How assertive was your husband as this situation developed?
     
    Borla, May 5, 2015
    #7
  8. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    He said, "As long as it's quick," but then it turned out to be paperwork for an auto loan, and the first branch was closed...from there, it devolved into a shitshow.
     
    snowy, May 6, 2015
    #8
  9. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Just dropping off a deposit or payment = OK
    Filling out loan paperwork = not OK
     
    Lindy, May 6, 2015
    #9
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & be quiet.

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    Loan paperwork = at least a couple of days advance notice. At the very least he should've first dropped your husband off at his car.

    I used to carpool with my wife. For the most part it worked out OK, but not always. My job was pretty much 8-5, while hers involved parents coming in after work wanting a tour of the school. I used to tell her to have them schedule an appointment; if they were business professionals they would understand.
     
    Chris Noyb, May 6, 2015
    #10
  11. Street Pattern

    Street Pattern Very Tilted

    Location:
    The American Midwest
    Oh, the carpool stories I could tell ...
     
    Street Pattern, May 6, 2015
    #11
  12. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member



    We got time. :D
     
    Borla, May 6, 2015
    #12
    • Like Like x 3
  13. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I really don't see why E put up with that nonsense, especially when you had plans for a night out. My Tt tends to go with the flow and let others do their thing, but I'm pretty sure he would've chosen to avoid this kind of a thing. Honestly sounds like a hostage situation the way you have worded it.
     
    genuinemommy, May 6, 2015
    #13
  14. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    He says he wasn't sure how to respond.
     
    snowy, May 6, 2015
    #14
  15. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    Your husband needs to watch this video; he will be far better equipped to handle the situation next time:

    Tell him the 7:03 mark is especially relevant. ;)
     
    MeltedMetalGlob, May 6, 2015
    #15
    • Like Like x 2
  16. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!


    I would never drag someone along without asking, and under NO circumstances would I drag them along to something like loan paperwork which is time consuming.
    Your husband is carpooling with an asshole.
     
    fflowley, May 6, 2015
    #16
    • Like Like x 2
  17. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    Typical engineer :p
     
    genuinemommy, May 6, 2015
    #17
    • Like Like x 1
  18. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    Truth!
     
    snowy, May 6, 2015
    #18
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass

    Location:
    Colorado
    Hey,

    I won't have known what to say, either. However, it would be the last time I carpooled with that person. I'm not very confrontational; but I'm very good at making problems go away.
     
    Stan, May 6, 2015
    #19
    • Like Like x 4