Males, being male and the aspects of it, good and bad

I think you nailed it, rogue49. The more significance a person attached to a fact, the more likely they are to commit it to long term memory.

 

I think my definition of what being a "man" is has changed throughout my life. Being a man in my 20's was a lot different than being a man 20 some years later. It took a few years to figure out being the smartest, strongest or fastest or the best at everything doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Not that all those shenanigans was a bad thing, some of them taught me the meaning of true grit and mental determination. To me being a man is about realizing we are all different and the only thing I should worry about is me and my direct responsibilities. To always be true to myself and others no matter how much it hurts. Always being honest with myself and others. Being responsible. Admitting I'm wrong when I am wrong. Realizing your wrong and being able to say i'm sorry and meaning it is a good thing. And while sex is great it doesn't necessarily make a for a great relationship. You better be best friends with your significant other or it won't last long. I dunno, in a nutshell being a man to me is always evolving and hopefully evolving into something a little better than the last me.

 

I'm more concerned with "being a person" (or maybe a mensch) than "being a man".

I reject the traditional, violent, brutal, controlling model of masculinity, but I haven't substituted a new one.

I guess that means I reject masculinity, except that I maintain the conventional appearance and manners of being an adult male in this society.

 

The testosterone was definitely influencing me today. I was royally pissed at work and kept fighting the urge to go and quit. Fortunately the rational part won out

 

The plight of the bitter nerd: Why so many awkward, shy guys end up hating feminism - Salon.com

 

I don't feel like the onus is on me to make it happen because I'm a man. I'm frequently in situations (as I think most people are) where I have to make it happen because I'm the designated maker-happener. But my willingness to accomplish things isn't because I feel as though I will be less manly if I don't, it's because challenges are a fundamental component to growth, and if I'm not finding challenges for myself, I'm not growing and I like growing.

 

Having grown up in a state where being macho kinda comes with scenery and having my ass kicked on a number of occasion for the sin of having long hair I have to say that my perspective on what a man is supposed to be is a mixed bag.
There is certainly the good soldier part, my dad made it clear that the one thing a man did not do was back down from his responsibilities.
Really I have no problem with that concept, it seems like something that that work for humankind in general.
Sometimes it meant working way too long in jobs I hated or staying in a marriage that clearly wasn't good for either of us but we tend to misinterpret even the best of things.

 

this is the same for me here in OK.. I'm turning 52 this year, I have sealed my male ego tightly into a controlled box, and my opinions/ beliefs are for the most part mid western and blue collar. when I pass they will say " he was a hard worker, eventually paid all his bills, and couldn't keep company with a woman for too long, even though he tried.

 

Found this, relevant.

This Is What Masculinity Really Means To Men

They seem almost apologetic for their responses. I find it sad in a way, that there is so much confusion and (almost) embarrassment. Has Masculinity really become a dirty word?

 

Yes, it has been, very much so, for most of my life.

I grew up in a college town with a lot of very separatist feminists, and I learned to see women (especially lesbians) as morally superior to men.

Deeply pessimistic books about gender relations (e.g., Susan Brownmiller, Marilyn French) had a tremendous impact on me as a teen.

As far as I could tell, masculinity was the ideology of brutality and oppression.

A "real man" was apparently defined as one who was always ready for physical combat. The expression "be a man!" was often used (in movies, TV, etc.) to urge some act of retaliatory violence.

"Real men" were interested in things like boxing and football and hunting and auto racing -- activities where participants were often badly injured or even killed.

It seemed to me that "real men" were into heavy drinking, and I was practically a teetotaler until middle age.

Conventional masculinity represented a standard that I could not possibly attain, and would look pathetic and ridiculous if I tried and failed.

Moreover, my experiences convinced me that any all-male social environment was inherently vicious, a setting where bullies were free to prey on the weak -- like me.

Until I was well into my 30s, I was reluctant to use the word "man" to refer to myself.

That being said, I always dressed and carried myself in ways that were within the normal range for males of my age in this culture. I carefully avoided any mannerisms that might be seen as "effeminate", because that would make me a target, or undermine my effectiveness.

Eventually, decades in the political arena taught me a lot of empathy for men of all sorts.

I gradually backed away from a total rejection of manhood, and developed a more nuanced understanding of gender relations than I once had. And I came to enjoy participating in some all-male groups.

But my instincts are still pretty negative toward masculinity as such.

 

Being a man doesn't really have negative connotations for me, probably because I have rejected much of the silly claptrap that is usually used to define it by others, and defined it by what I consider important. As a man, I need to take care of my family. That means I have a job, and work. I provide for us. I don't get in fights, but I will stand up for what is right. I will protect my family. And I might have to put myself in harm's way to do that. Men tend to share by teaching. So I want to show and demonstrate what I know and have learned. A man needs to push himself, physically and mentally. There are times when doing what needs to be done is going to hurt. But he does them anyway. Because sometimes sacrifices need to be made. A man doesn't need to bottle up his emotions, but he needs to control them. He doesn't need to throw a fit when things don't go his way. A man needs to play with his kids, because that is part of teaching. How to shrug off a little pain. How to be a good sport.
Maybe these aren't necessarily manly qualities, but people qualities. But these are things I tell myself that I want to see in myself.

 

Having the upbringing I did meant I picked up a weird hybrid of the feminist, classic, and what I call futurist, concepts of manhood.
My mom drilled into us how you did and didn't treat woman.
That when you chose a partner you were looking for an equal, someone to fight at your side, someone who had your back and was every bit as strong and smart as you were.
My Dad passed along the idea that men should handle shit and take care of business.
Like @omega said, you have a job, you provide, you don't go over the edge because you are the man.
But I also stayed at home with my kids when that made the most sense and was paid to take care of other peoples kids as well.
If nothing else raising daughters made me more aware of what being a man should and should not be.