Unrequited Love

Unrequited love. An emotion that plagues the deepest darkest corners of the soul. The pain that envelopes is unbearable at times, but only because we know it will never be reciprocated. We live and watch the one we care for live their lives with us off to the side, sometimes a part of...but never truly a part of. Jealousy, longing, sadness, and melancholy feelings surround us. Why have we ended where we are? Why can we not love one that loves us in return? We beg, we plead, we desperately try to convince them that they could. ..maybe...One day...love us too. But in truth, the harder we try, the more we lose them in our lives. So all we can do, is love in secret. Love from a distance, watching them love others. Living in sadness and pain. But at least they can be happy never knowing the sacrifice we make. At least we can be a sort of part of their life.

Has anyone gone through this?
How do you get through it?
Everyday I am battling not to pick up the phone and tell her.

 

I love the movie Some Kind Of Wonderful.

 

I guess I know u am making the right choices, but living with them is extremely hard. Has anyone gone through this? How do you get through it? Everyday I am battling not to pick up the phone and tell her.

 

Cut ties and bolt

 

She is one of my best friends of 15 years. Kinda hard to just bolt.

 

Not to be a dick here but let's think about this a bit.

She's your best friend of 15 years.
Someone you've spent a lot of time with, partied with, sat around shooting the shit with, had a few drinks, maybe complained about how the world was treating was you.
Now it may have been a case of bad timing, you were hooked up when she wasn't and vice versa but really, how does it work?

Are you really in love with her or are you in love with the whole concept of being with her?
Because after all you are the perfect man for her, right?
All those other men she's been with didn't/don't understand her the way you do?
You have this ache in your heart that only she can heal because you have so much to give her?

That's not real.
That's a fantasy you've built around the fact that you want her but have kept your distance for so long that it's killing you.
I'm not saying you don't love her.
I'm saying that this thing you've built isn't the be all end all of the world.
It's something you've built up and developed out of fairy dust and backed up sperm.

Go find someone who will dance with you, someone who will laugh at your jokes, watch the shows you like and fuck you.
I promise this won't matter after that.

 

I have tried...but every time I find myself comparing girls to her. It's frustrating.

 

First off, do not compare woman.
They are not cars, computers, or toasters where you can check their stats.
Each one is a special, unique, and might I say human being for g-ds sake.

Second if you do have to compare them let's do that.
Her = Unavailable
All the Other Woman = Might Be Available if you get your head out of your butt

Pretty much all the comparison you need.

Dude, let me tell you. I am the worlds most incurable romantic but pining away isn't romantic it's a waste of fucking time.
Go out and find deep and abiding love.
Because I promise you life is really short and you need to grab hold of that shit while you can.

 

Yeah, don't compare me. I'm one of a kind, baby!

 

What a helluva way to start out on a new forum. You have posted precisely what I'm trying to get away from. That's why I'm here and not where she is.

Has anyone gone through this?
How do you get through it?
Everyday I am battling not to pick up the phone and tell her.

 

The hardest part is that all of our friends don't understand why we are not together, my parents and brother and children are confused as to why we are not. Even her family is confused about it too. Everyone thinks her and I should be together.

And for the record, I do not ask people if they think I should be with her. I don't even tell them I want to be.

 

Don't put the [person] on a pedestal. That's you.

The grand idea of this person you've built up and all that.

I think men often confuse unrequited love with unrequited fuck.

I've been there before. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system, my friend.

You're so into the person you wanna be, you know, into the person and then, after you have, you snap out of it.

One of my best friends started as a FWB thing. Could have been more if the situation had been right, but now we're just good buddies.

 

This was me in high school.

The short of it is that you are wasting your time and emotional well-being.

Consider how much time you are spending thinking about her against how much time she is thinking about you. I bet it's completely opposite and how fair is that? She has all this free mental time for her hobbies, career, philosophy and art and you're stuck at home staring into dark corners and rain-dappled windows panes. Time to open up your mind and start living again.

 

Plan 9....I am not confusing love with lust here. I know the 2 can be confused sometimes. ..but she really is mentally and emotionally the type of person I have wanted in my life for a long time.

Fresnelly. .. I am not the type of person who sits around and sulks. In fact I am out there trying to meet other people, I spend time with my kids, etc. It doesn't seem to help in the fact that when I go on a date with this girl or that girl, I feel guilty about it. I know that it's okay...but it still feels wrong.

This girl keeps calling me every day, goes out of her way to do things to help me, keeps buying me random presents. Always wants to spend her weekends with me.

We talked about dating eachother before...but she said she didn't want to, because if something went bad then we could ruin the friendship we have. I think she gets upset when she heard I have gone on a date with someone....maybe I have this all wrong....maybe it's not unrequited....maybe she is afraid of taking a chance.

OPINIONS?

 

My friend either she has had some kind of trauma that makes it impossible for her to take that the leap or she's keeping you as a 'just in case'.

Either way, it's not good.
The second means she's not as wonderful a person as you think she is, keeping you on hold until she is sure there isn't something better out there sucks big time.
The second is even tougher, you might be able to climb through the wreckage and and come out triumphant in the end but don't count on it.

And before you tell me she is too wonderful for either of these to be true, keep in mind that we are all screwed up in our own little ways, most especially when it comes to relationships.

 

Relevant

Also Relevant

Well, if you're for some reason not wanting to plow her guts, you're broken and should invest in a dog for companionship or a RealDoll to relieve that uncomfortable tightness in your briefs. Part of finding the "one true love" is finding somebody to do the humpty dance with on a regular basis.

And you've stated that she's "mentally/emotionally the type of person" you want... but what about you to her? How honest are you being about these interactions? Are you a human crash pad? Are you an emotional sounding board? Does she send you nude selfies for an opinion before she sends them to other guys?

Calling you to talk about what? Does what kinds of things with you? Buys you what kinds of presents? How often do you spend the weekend together? These details help us better understand the relationship.

If you've talked about dating before and she shot you down, you either need to press her to reconsider or shut off your nuts and just enjoy her friendship. You're going on dates but still come back to her? You need to get some closure on this situation.

Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

 

That would be a wasted exercise indeed, RedSneaker. One doesn't compare a masterpiece to anything else.