Thinking About Sex

snowy · Jul 8, 2014

This popped up on my Facebook earlier today:

So how often does he have sex on his mind? - Telegraph

Men, we know, are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Mars, in this metaphor, is a place of carnal obsession and emotional autism; a planet whose inhabitants think about sex every seven seconds and get in fights all the time. Venus, by comparison, is a warm and hospitable place of social interaction and empathy, but not a great deal of sex. So the popular wisdom has it.
Jon Snow, the Channel 4 newsreader, is from Mars. “Sex comes into every evaluation of a woman, there’s no doubt about it,” he said in an interview last week. Every time he meets a woman, he weighs her up as a potential sexual partner, and, he thinks, other men do the same. “It’s a natural animal element of sustaining life.”

As a happily married man, with many female friends and colleagues, it would perhaps be imprudent of me to comment. But the Mars-and-Venus stereotype, the sexually voracious man and the demure woman, has a strong hold. How accurate is it?

There are obvious evolutionary reasons why men and women would have different approaches when it comes to sex; why a man who behaved in a certain way might expect to have lots of descendants, but a woman who behaved the same way would not. Men and women are similar in many ways, but they are usually different in one: their sexual organs. We should not be surprised if they also have different psychological systems to determine how they use those organs.

Dr Diana Fleischman, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Portsmouth, puts it simply: “If a man has sex with 100 women in a year, he might have 100 babies. If a woman has sex with 100 men in a year, she might have one baby and a very sore bottom.” This is due to what is called the “obligate parental investment”: a man’s minimum investment towards a child might be a couple of minutes’ work and a teaspoonful of sperm; a woman’s minimum investment is nine months of pregnancy and a painful and potentially dangerous labour – and that’s before the question of who raises the child is addressed.
This imbalance means that we should expect men to be more motivated to have sex, says Dr Fleischman, and women to be choosy about their partner. It’s something we find elsewhere in the animal kingdom – and, intriguingly, when the parental roles are reversed, so are sexual habits. “Male sea horses get pregnant, for example. And they tend to be choosy, because they bear the higher cost.”

And it’s not a Just So story, which evolutionary psychology is sometimes accused of. In one review of the literature, “not one study found that women think about sex more than men,” says Dr Fleischman. One trial, published in the Journal of Sex Research, found that men think about sex – on average – 34 times a day, compared with women’s 19. Dr Fleischman mentions another that put the figures much lower – about once a day for men, once every several days for women – but consistently, the findings are that men think about sex more than women do. “Men have more intrusive thoughts, too – it’s harder for them to ignore thoughts about sex,” she says.

It’s not just thinking about it. Usually, men’s sexual activity is limited by how often women will consent to sex – but there is a natural experiment that shows what would happen if it was limited by how often men consent. That natural experiment is, of course, the lifestyles of gay men. “If you look at gay men and women,” says Fleischman, “you’ll see that gay men have a lot more partners than gay women do.” Having to gain consent from a man is a far lower bar to clear, she says, than gaining consent from a woman.

This could be because of some fundamental difference between gay men and straight men, other than their sexual preference – but it doesn’t seem to be. “If you have two men, and they have the same sex drive, but one is limited in how much sex he has by men, and the other is limited by women, one is going to have a lot more sex than the other,” says Fleischman, adding with a laugh: “My boyfriend always says, 'I wish I was gay. It’d be so much easier’.”

It seems, then, that the “sex-mad man” and “cuddle-hungry woman” stereotypes are broadly accurate.

And so they are – but we should be careful with them. Stereotypes are useful because they often give us good information about groups, says Prof Nicholas Epley, a University of Chicago psychologist and author of Mindwise: How we understand what others think, believe, feel and want. “You’ve learnt that tigers are dangerous,” he says. “You see a tiger, you’d be rightly scared, even though this particular tiger might not attack you. If you see a beaver, you’re not. Your stereotypes of tigers and beavers are working admirably in that situation.”

Our stereotypes of groups of people generally point us in the right direction as well. “We learn things about groups of people. We learn things about conservatives and liberals, and football players and professors, and men and women,” says Prof Epley, and those things are usually, broadly, right. Those stereotypes are about what separates groups, not what unites them.
“The stereotypes are about the things that make men and women apparently different from each other. One is more interdependent, one is more independent. One is more sociable, the other more competitive.” And one is more sexually rapacious than the other.

But focusing on the differences exaggerates those differences. All of the above stereotypes have a degree of truth – but the effect is far less pronounced than we imagine it to be. For example, the study mentioned above found that men think about sex 34 times a day. That’s quite a lot – about twice every waking hour. But it’s not every seven seconds, as myth has it, and women apparently think about it pretty often themselves. And, as Prof Epley points out, the groups “men” and “women” will overlap. Dr Fleischman agrees: “The men who think about sex the least will think about sex less than the women who think about sex the most.”

And, again, it’s not just thinking about it. There are lots of scenarios in which females might seek casual sex, or sex outside their partnership, “maybe to get better genes than their mate has, or maybe to get status, or maybe to get resources”, says Dr Fleischman. (I should stress that this is not a conscious thing; we’re talking about evolutionarily successful strategies, not deliberate calculation.) It’s obviously difficult to get good statistics on how often people cheat on their spouses, but evidence of human infidelity can be found in another, unexpected place: gorilla testicles.

Male gorillas have small testes, because even though they have large harems of females, those females only mate with one male, so there is no “sperm competition”. Chimpanzee females, by contrast, mate with multiple males in their group when receptive, and males have very large testes, so that they can get more sperm into each female and maximise their chances of being a father. “Human males have testes smaller than those of chimps, which leads people to say we’re less promiscuous than chimps, which is true,” says Dr Fleischman – but our testes are much larger than those of a gorilla.

Equally, there are lots of scenarios in which it makes evolutionary sense for men to be less sex-obsessed: “If you’re a smaller male, the best strategy might be for you to be a good dad. In general, it’s more adaptive for men to be motivated for sex, and for women to be more coy, but the stereotype is definitely overstated,” Dr Fleischman says.

Jon Snow might be right, to an extent – many men probably do think about sex with every woman they meet, and most men think about sex more than most women. But the difference between the sexes is less than we imagine. If we assume that every man we meet is sex-mad and every woman uninterested, then we’ll get it wrong with embarrassing regularity.

We may think men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but as Prof Epley puts it: “The truth is more like men are from Iowa and women are from Illinois.”
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Obviously, I think about sex a lot, and I know I'm not alone in that. One of the questions I often have about research regarding female sexuality is how honest survey results are; how did they measure how often women thought about sex? If women are asked to self-report, I can see the results being skewed simply as a result of societal conditioning; women are not aggressively sexual beings, after all (yeah, right). I also dislike how sex research such as this tries to be reductionist in referencing evolutionary biology.

However, it did get me wondering: how often do other people think about sex? When you meet someone, do you evaluate them for sexual purposes? Why or why not?

To answer my own questions: I probably think about sex a lot more than the 19 times women purportedly do according to the study mentioned in the article. In fact, I'm probably at the 34 mark and it's just past noon. When I meet someone, even though I'm married, people over 21 do get sorted into would bang/would not bang categories. I don't really know why I do this; it's just automatic, I suppose. My husband and I even make it a game sometimes when we're out and about. So yes, I'm a pretty sexual person and think of people in a sexual manner, though for me it's easily compartmentalized and put away. That part of me is something that has to be able to be flipped off like a switch due to my occupation.

I also wonder if we'll change due to the fact that the obligate parent investment is essentially no more due to modern contraception.

Baraka_Guru · Jul 8, 2014

I could buy the 34/19 averages. I studied evolutionary psychology/human sexuality, and it seems to make a lot of sense, but there is a rather large degree of ambiguity and error when you try to quantify these things. There are also a lot of anomalies when you take into account variances in cultures and habits, etc. The human brain is so goddamn complex that coming up with simple numbers such as 34 and 19 is kind of ridiculous.

But it does give us an interesting peek a potentialities.

I mean, I think that's great. If the average person thinks about sex anywhere near 20 times a day, that's great, right? Now let's all have more sex!

I think about sex a lot. I often think that perhaps it deviates from the norm. I see this 34 number, and it makes me feel a bit more normal. I'm not about to put a number on my thinking. It's the kind of exercise that frustrates me in even thinking about it.

That said, I think a lot of my sexual thoughts are related to my introversion, repression, low self-esteem, and general anxiety. I was never very good at approaching women or letting them know what I want from them. I guess I make up for my lack of sexual manifestation by having more elaborate and quite regular thoughts about sex.

Now that I'm pushing forty, I kind of feel like a dirty old man. But whatever.

(For the record, I'd totally Wildling-fuck Ygritte.)

Herculite · Jul 8, 2014

I love evolutionary psychology, and while some people are very bad at making "just so" stories without real data, the good stuff can be used to predict human behavior and this is one of those issues. There are definite differences in the male and female mating strategies which can be predicted and seem to hold true for most people.

That most is the key problem though. Evolutionary psychology has no problem with some people being different individually, but often people who are not "the norm" or just don't like the idea of our genes effecting our personality, use those to try to say the theory doesn't work. Men are physically much stronger than women, but the strongest woman is going to be much stronger than the weakest man, its the general trend in the population that matters.

Personally I've always "felt" that the "women are better multitaskers" was bullshit because I am a very good multitasker, very good, but thats my bias and its hard to argue with data that says otherwise.

fflowley · Jul 8, 2014

If I had to wager how many times I think about sex tomorrow I would definitely bet the "over" on 34.

rogue49 · Jul 8, 2014

Always.
My libido is the size of Manhattan, but I'm grateful that it at least allows me some discretion & control
so I don't get myself into questionable situations. (mostly )
Some so much so...that it overwhelms them, making them do stupid decisions.

But it depends on the person...I know women who supersede men in their desire level.
I know people who flux according to their situation, time in life or body status.

But as stated, the problem with these polls & studies are that people are often either "unaware" or exaggerating or underestimating or hiding or in denial.
Sex has a stigma attached to it...both positive & negative.
Some may exaggerate how much the have it...because they're encouraged to...if not frowned on if they don't "follow-up" or note an attractive person.
On the other hand, the may be restrained because of guilt, being "judged", consequences, etc...
They even be affected by it subconsciously.

I'd say, as I see each bar of consequence and social negatives are eliminated, women are quickly catching up to men.
The pill, toys, the web, the hook-up...and more...all helping women feel more comfortable, secure and safe.

Even a place like the TFP has allowed & encouraged women to express themselves more and ask those questions they don't typically feel safe asking.

And there's still the difference on if someone "thinks" about it...or will actually "act" on it.
My question is...how do we get more to followup and follow-thru on their desires.

It's different in different countries too...I hear in Brazil, it's the women who are the aggressors instead...since there are much more of them.

Are the responses trending differently in other locations???

snowy · Jul 8, 2014

I'm really grateful that in university, I had a steady FWB situation for the most part. It probably kept me from making stupid sexual decisions just for the sake of my libido, so I understand where you're coming from, @rogue49.

hamsterball · Jul 8, 2014

You're absolutely right, @snowy, these studies are fraught with difficulties. You're right on target about self-reporting (which is the only way this can be done). The results will vary based on many factors, including the subjects' understanding of how the data will be used and shared (an easy phenomenon to create, as I found in a senior project I did many moons ago), cultural expectations (men may over-report, for instance, to avoid looking less masculine). There's also a social/political factor that almost always gets dragged in whenever gender studies are involved.

Also, many studies I've heard about show that there's typically a greater range of behaviors within each gender than between the genders.

For me personally, it's changed as I've aged and I find that it depends on my circumstances. When I'm engaged in something that requires my concentration, I don't think about it much. Other times, it can be extremely frequent. I've had instances when I've been daydreaming aimlessly and I suddenly will slip into an intense and very realistic sexual fantasy, complete with sights, sounds, smells, and touch included.\

Honestly, it's amazing to me what the human brain is capable of doing. The science geek in me thinks this is all totally cool stuff.

....and yes, I know that I'm a hopeless nerd.....

fresnelly · Jul 8, 2014

All the time, although I've read so much lately about "rape culture" and male sexual entitlement that I've become my own thought-police. Am I discreetly appreciating or am I ogling? Am I being extra attentive to this woman because I'm attracted to her? Am I dismissive of this one because I'm not? And so it goes.

Compounding this is my wife's claim that she hardly ever thinks about it. Not that she isn't a sexual being; just that she seems so focused on her career and the logistics of running the household that it doesn't enter her mind. So does that make my mind idle and immature? I struggle a bit with shame I guess.

Herculite · Jul 8, 2014

fresnelly said: ↑

All the time, although I've read so much lately about "rape culture" and male sexual entitlement that I've become my own thought-police. Am I discreetly appreciating or am I ogling? Am I being extra attentive to this woman because I'm attracted to her? Am I dismissive of this one because I'm not? And so it goes.
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Let society define your actions if you want to fit in, but don't let that infect your mind. If its a pair of nice breasts, and shes wearing a low V neck, she wants you to see her nice breasts. If that makes you more attentive, good shes asking for your attention.

A woman doesn't wear a dress like this..

Because she wants you to think first of her mind any more than a guy wearing this..

Of course when women do it, its sexy, and acceptable in all but church circles. When guys do it, its universally douche bag territory. I'm sure there is a good evolutionary biology theory for that, but apparently a lot of attractive women are attracted to douchebags.

Compounding this is my wife's claim that she hardly ever thinks about it. Not that she isn't a sexual being; just that she seems so focused on her career and the logistics of running the household that it doesn't enter her mind. So does that make my mind idle and immature? I struggle a bit with shame I guess.
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My wife doesn't think about sex that often either. Shes also very proper about when its "ok" to be horny which is part of it. My job as a husband is to get her to think about sex, and it works out quite well. It can be frustrating at times because I have to do the heavy lifting in that department, but its worked above and beyond what most men get to experience after so many years of marriage.

rogue49 · Jul 8, 2014

Douchebags get attention because they are confident.
Their narcissism translates into confidence too.
Many women are attracted to confident men...especially confident men who portray themselves as strong & stylish, even overly so.
(yes, many aren't attracted to douchebags, but that's often after lessons learned)

Many, both men & women, judge "a book by it's cover", both visually and audibly
And I know that just because someone looks sexy or sounds it...does not guarantee sex...or even good sex.

It amazes me how hard it is to get actual horny people together...together sexually.
Even advertising it, I've tried it on "those" sites...they go for the douchebags.
And rarely, when you finally get someone who does ping you...and you go...Uh Oh.
It's never a nice woman who's horny...it's typically the one that you're afraid of. (with questionable background & story)

So it goes back to the question I had.
Where's the divergence from someone "thinking" about it..."desiring" it....and those who actually "act" on it. (and in what volume???)

Honestly, I've asked a lesbian about this....and she said, "I know what you're talking about...I'm with someone and I don't even know when I'm getting some"
So it does seem to be a man/woman thing a bit.
But I still believe that many think about it....but many of those don't act on it.
I think both "think" about it the same...but one sex has a tendency to follow-thru on it more. (at least in the US)

And frankly, I'd ask a lot more...if I didn't think I'd seem to be rude, crude or perverted. (and I've got my politeness drilled into me by mom)
So maybe that's why douchebags get more attention...they just don't give a shit.
As a matter of fact...some people even "want" you to just "do it"...but won't tell you. It's a guessing game.
(I remember my ex, when we first got together, I asked to kiss her...and she replied, "You have to ask??" ...and yes I do, I don't want any doubt)

Couldn't we have a nice horny board??
One nice guy that's horny connects with another nice girl that's horny
...and they're both honest about being horny...and then they actually DO SOMETHING about it.

I think if you expanded the study to not just ask if they "think" about it,
but also find out how many "act" on it...your stats would likely be different.

And I'm still interested in the differences between regions and countries.
Personally, I think sexually, I was born in the wrong country. (A horndog in a puritan based nation, Oi Vey)

Street Pattern · Jul 8, 2014

Yeah, I think about sex all the time, probably more frequently than the average man.

But the way I think about sex has changed as I have gotten older.

For one thing, I find that no longer pay much heed to attractive women.

Part of this is recognition that, for all my husbandly virtues, an old fat balding guy like me is on the "would not bang" list for almost all women.

Hence, a fantasy about a sexual encounter with a random attractive stranger would be even more wildly implausible than it once was.

And part of this is a greater focus on my wife -- even before the tremendous recent increase in her libido.

snowy · Jul 16, 2014

fresnelly said: ↑

All the time, although I've read so much lately about "rape culture" and male sexual entitlement that I've become my own thought-police. Am I discreetly appreciating or am I ogling? Am I being extra attentive to this woman because I'm attracted to her? Am I dismissive of this one because I'm not? And so it goes.

Compounding this is my wife's claim that she hardly ever thinks about it. Not that she isn't a sexual being; just that she seems so focused on her career and the logistics of running the household that it doesn't enter her mind. So does that make my mind idle and immature? I struggle a bit with shame I guess.
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I've met you. So long as you're not staring, you're cool. No worries. It's when a man looks at my breasts for longer than a hot minute that I get irritated, even if I am wearing a low-cut shirt.

hamsterball said: ↑

You're absolutely right, @snowy, these studies are fraught with difficulties. You're right on target about self-reporting (which is the only way this can be done). The results will vary based on many factors, including the subjects' understanding of how the data will be used and shared (an easy phenomenon to create, as I found in a senior project I did many moons ago), cultural expectations (men may over-report, for instance, to avoid looking less masculine). There's also a social/political factor that almost always gets dragged in whenever gender studies are involved.

Also, many studies I've heard about show that there's typically a greater range of behaviors within each gender than between the genders.

For me personally, it's changed as I've aged and I find that it depends on my circumstances. When I'm engaged in something that requires my concentration, I don't think about it much. Other times, it can be extremely frequent. I've had instances when I've been daydreaming aimlessly and I suddenly will slip into an intense and very realistic sexual fantasy, complete with sights, sounds, smells, and touch included.\

Honestly, it's amazing to me what the human brain is capable of doing. The science geek in me thinks this is all totally cool stuff.

....and yes, I know that I'm a hopeless nerd.....
Click to expand...

You are a nerd, but that's awesome.
--- merged: Jul 9, 2014 3:33 AM ---
This article from the Guardian adds something valuable to the discussion.

Women like to have sex. Some women who like to have sex don't want to get pregnant, so they use birth control. I understand that these are not particularly revelatory statements, but for some incredibly irritating reason, the punditocracy is still dwelling on the fairly mundane facts that sex happens and contraception is often a part of it.
Conservatives won't admit their deep-seated fear of non-reproductive sex, so Washington media's machine is propping it up for them. But if this is our mid-summer debate, well, let's at least try to find a reason for the stupidity, shall we?
When Sandra Fluke gave her now infamous testimony before the US House of Representatives about insurance coverage for contraception, the bulk of her opening statement focused on a friend who needed to take birth control to treat polycystic ovarian syndrome. In the wake of last week's supreme court decision on Hobby Lobby, Elle magazine ran a piece on "10 Medical Reasons Why a Woman Might Be Prescribed Birth Control". And then the National Journal published a widely shared articledeclaring that what "everyone is missing" in the ongoing Hobby Lobby debate is all the women who need to take birth control for medical reasons. "Even if these women never have sex once in their lives, they need to be on birth control," wrote reporter Lucia Graves. She continued:

These women depend on the pill to regulate their hormones and do everything from ease pain to reduce the risk of cancer. These medical benefits have nothing to do with sex or the prevention of pregnancy.
I agree with Graves that the link between contraception and women's health should not be ignored – and it's important that the national conversation, post-Hobby Lobby, is looking beyond the court's shameful ruling on behalf of sex-fearing "freedom-seekers".
But it's awfully depressing that, in the summer of 2014, when 99% of American women use birth control, we can't just come out and say that most women use birth control for sex. And that we like said sex – a lot.
I can promise you this, too: focusing on the non-orgasmic reasons women use contraception will not magically change conservatives' minds about the issue. No matter how many articles come out imploring the public to think about the very real health problems women have, conservative organizations have had their minds in the gutter for years, and they like it there.
The organizations that supported Hobby Lobby with amicus briefs, for example, tell a pretty clear story about what conservatives care about – and it ain't health:

The Independent Women's Forum filed a brief arguing that women already have plentiful access to contraception through Planned Parenthood (which, ironically enough, IWF thinks should be defunded) – and that's just the latest in the group's long line of arguments that sex is somehow ruining women.

The Catholic Medical Association wrote a brief arguing (inaccurately) that contraception causes abortion, but a 2011 memo from the organization sheds more light, stating that "widespread use of contraceptives contributes to sexual promiscuity". (As Bill Maher once joked, "It's like saying if you give a kid a tetanus shot she'll want to jab rusty nails in her feet.")

The Eagle Forum and the Beverly LaHaye Institute also wrote briefs in support of Hobby Lobby; they have also deridedcontraception and women having sex.

And when female reporters covered the Hobby Lobby decision, it was not a coincidence that the majority of us were being called sluts and whoresacross social mediaand elsewhere. To conservatives, contraception is not about health – it's about sex, their fear of sex, and a panic over women having sex that doesn't lead to babies. The more we ignore that truth – or focus on on the "valid" reasons women use birth control – the more women give ammunition, and give up the moral ground, to the right.
Liberals concede the same ground when we make pro-choice arguments using the most extreme examples – rape, incest and health. Yes, women need abortions for those reasons – but they also need them when they're simply not ready to be parents. And that's OK.
It's also OK – wonderful, even! – that women use birth control to have sex and not get pregnant. Even more wonderful: it works. The advent of contraception is arguably the most important liberatory discovery for women of all time. We're allowed to use it. And not just for our periods – but to have hot, sweaty, fantastic, fun, non-procreative sex. That doesn't make us "sluts"; it makes us human.
Click to expand...

from: Women like sex. Stop making 'health' excuses for why we use birth control | Jessica Valenti | Comment is free | theguardian.com

It is, admittedly, a conversation I feel like we're avoiding sometimes. Women enjoy sex. This is a good thing for everyone, isn't it?

I know that when I became a woman that enjoyed sex and was willing to admit it, openly, that suddenly I became a lot more interesting. The coquette will only get a girl so far. Obviously, it can put you in a touchy place if taken too far--which is where it trends into the rape culture subject. Men who are comfortable with themselves respond positively to a woman comfortable with the subject of sex. I still see this, even though I'm married, and still get this response.

Herculite · Jul 9, 2014

snowy said: ↑

I've met you. So long as you're not staring, you're cool. No worries. It's when a man looks at my breasts for longer than a hot minute that I get irritated, even if I am wearing a low-cut shirt.
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Looking at them is involuntary, its a moth flame thing. For some reason for me its worse if its cleavage then if its fully nude. I've had plenty of conversations without random glancing with fully nude women, but with nice cleavage its will power to maintain.

Levite · Jul 9, 2014

I think about sex all the fucking time. All the time. But you know, you learn to just kind of accept it and move along. It's like checking a hot girl out, or scoping cleavage: you look, you don't stare, and you move on.

Sex is great. Boobs are great. The only problem is when you focus so exclusively on the other person's body parts and the ways you'd like their body parts to make your body parts feel that you forget you're both human beings, and should be interacting with one another as such.

hamsterball · Jul 16, 2014

snowy said: ↑

I've met you. So long as you're not staring, you're cool. No worries. It's when a man looks at my breasts for longer than a hot minute that I get irritated, even if I am wearing a low-cut shirt.
You are a nerd, but that's awesome.
--- merged: Jul 8, 2014 at 11:33 PM ---
This article from the Guardian adds something valuable to the discussion.

from: Women like sex. Stop making 'health' excuses for why we use birth control | Jessica Valenti | Comment is free | theguardian.com

It is, admittedly, a conversation I feel like we're avoiding sometimes. Women enjoy sex. This is a good thing for everyone, isn't it?

I know that when I became a woman that enjoyed sex and was willing to admit it, openly, that suddenly I became a lot more interesting. The coquette will only get a girl so far. Obviously, it can put you in a touchy place if taken too far--which is where it trends into the rape culture subject. Men who are comfortable with themselves respond positively to a woman comfortable with the subject of sex. I still see this, even though I'm married, and still get this response.
Click to expand...

A man who's confident in himself will usually prefer a woman who's in touch with her sexuality. Some of what you see in society is honestly a combination of intimidation and fear, I think. Men are designed biologically for quick sex. We're also conditioned by society to think in terms of the sex act itself. So, many men see women's lives through that same lens and, let's face it, an attractive woman will almost always be able to get sex more easily than an equally attractive man. The difference is that many women (and we talking about statistical averages only) view the interactions with men differently than men do. And that's intimidating for most guys, myself included. So how do you level the social playing field? By contributing to stigmatizing. If societal conditioning were magically removed, I doubt you'd see any real differences in the way that men and women deal with sexual thoughts and desires.

Personally, I've found that sexually confident women make incredible lovers, both because they're open about what they like, and because they work harder at making a sexual relationship better over time. When the man in confident in himself, he'll be more likely to do the same.

rogue49 · Jul 10, 2014

Here is an article about, Brazil, where the women are the aggressors, due to there are more of them.

Brazilian women celebrate WCup bonanza of men

You think they're thinking about sex???

Sure they'll ask you out...but they'll expect you to pay...and no guarantee of sex.
But actually, I'd like this...gets the initial ambiguity out...which I'm terrible at.
If I "know" they like me, then it's much easier to interact.

Coy has never been my thing, don't like the chase...and I'm often oblivious to those women who like me, but don't say anything.
Social cues in that context also is a weak spot for me. That and again, my mom's drilling about being overly polite doesn't help.
I'm better now than in my youth, but it's still there.

But I would think in Brazil, where the ladies often have to do the approaching,
that they allow themselves to think about it more (or at least different) ...I wonder.

There's a question for the ladies of the board...do you think you think about sex more when in a more relaxed or acceptable situation??
Like at a club or party or such...
Because I can't say for other men, but for me it's always and even more so if there's more in volume. (but even when there's no one around, no relief)

Is this true for women by comparison??

snowy · Jul 10, 2014

rogue49 said: ↑

There's a question for the ladies of the board...do you think you think about sex more when in a more relaxed or acceptable situation??
Like at a club or party or such...
Because I can't say for other men, but for me it's always and even more so if there's more in volume. (but even when there's no one around, no relief)

Is this true for women by comparison??
Click to expand...

Regarding situations: teacher snowy does not think about sex much. Afterhours snowy thinks about sex all the damn time. So yes. More when it's acceptable; I'm pretty conscientious and turn my brain off accordingly. It's like swearing. I turn off my swearing; I swear like a sailor outside of school. Just off the top of my head--in the hour I've been awake, I've probably thought about sex 10 times already. Not just me having sex, but I was watching one of my favorite shows and thinking about how hot it would be if these two male characters got together and just banged already.

Even when I'm watching sports, I'm thinking about sex. If an announcer mentions penetration, whoa boy, watch out. "He's got to get it in the box," said one announcer yesterday; I giggled. My brain has a terrible habit of taking seemingly innocuous remarks and rendering them utterly filthy.

I was out with a friend yesterday, and we were talking about the Portland Trailblazers upcoming season. I said to him, "Well, you know how much I love Robin Lopez." This then led into a lengthy conversation about how another mutual friend of ours and I are both RoLo fans that gush over him (or several other Blazers) whenever we get the opportunity--and some of our gushing can get obscene. The guys think our objectification of men in sports is hilarious, apparently.

Now I'm going to get to work on some of my erotica, and since there's going to be an MMF situation in the offing,I'll probably hit that 34 times men hit before noon.

Baraka_Guru · Jul 10, 2014

snowy said: ↑

Now I'm going to get to work on some of my erotica, and since there's going to be an MMF situation in the offing,I'll probably hit that 34 times men hit before noon.
Click to expand...

Great, there goes my quota.

snowy · Jul 10, 2014

Welp...not even noon, and I'm way beyond 34. Shit.

Baraka_Guru · Jul 10, 2014

snowy said: ↑

Welp...not even noon, and I'm way beyond 34. Shit.
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"Why, sometimes I've had as many as thirty-four dirty thoughts before breakfast," said the Queen.

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Thinking About Sex

snowy so kawaii Staff Member

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Herculite Very Tilted

fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

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hamsterball Seeking New Outlets

fresnelly Getting Tilted

Herculite Very Tilted

rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

Street Pattern Very Tilted

snowy so kawaii Staff Member

Herculite Very Tilted

Levite Levitical Yet Funky

hamsterball Seeking New Outlets

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