What is the meaning of this?

Alright, so I remembered this after reading the "Booty Call Etiquette Rules" and figured this would be a good place to ask:

1. If someone sticks their finger in your butt during doggie style the first time you are having sex, and they've admitted they're inexperienced, what exactly could be their reason for doing it? Other elements of the sexual encounter were a bit rough, but nothing over-the-top.

2. What would possess someone to stick their finger in my ass without knowing I'm ok with it? And also, are most women okay with this?

It happened a couple of months ago. Further sexual encounters with this person did not include a finger being put in my butt. I don't know what to make of it. Seems like an odd thing to bring out the first time with someone.

 

1) Probably too much porn consumption. Either that or it's what his last one liked and he assumed that most women like it. Or maybe even just a spur of the moment thing.

2) Is "idiocy" an acceptable answer? I'm sure I've been guilty of worse, but it probably wasn't a well-thought out plan. When I've done that, though, I've at least had the common courtesy to make sure it's ok first, but maybe I'm just old school like that. As for most women, I've got no idea. My representative sampling is about 50% ok, 50% "get the hell away from there".

 

1. He's inexperienced. He was exploring. Maybe he saw it in porn, maybe his friends told him about it. Maybe he's heard first of fifth person accounts. "What if she likes it?" could be one reason. The selfish version is that he was just seeing what it was like.

2. In my experience, most women are not okay with anything being near their ass, let alone fingers in it. Some are, but it requires a mention or request. Stuff in the ass is one of those things you ask about first.

 

The ettiquette for this is simple enough: Any butt activity should be reserved for those whom you have already crossed every bridge with. I would consider not following-up on this booty call, since I feel that doing what he did, without clear knowledge of the recpient's preference, is invasive and presumptuous.

maybe the points he gained for doggie style cancelled out this faux pas, though.

 

The times this has happened to me it was during oral sex. I know the guy knew that I enjoyed anal in the form of toys and anal sex, and we'd explored some of that before.

He made eye contact with me as he approached and gauged my reaction as the finger went in, I gave him positive feedback and that was the extent of the "conversation" surrounding it.

It's really different for every person, and how much they think they know of what you like or don't like just as much as what they might think is erotic or a turn-on for them.

 

Did he approach the area slowly or did he just stick it in there? Was there any sort of teasing in that area during foreplay? How much experience does this guy have with women?

 

No warning, to foreplay involving my butt. Just, me bent over, then him sticking his finger stuck in my butt during sex. It wasn't altogether bad, just incredibly surprising. I wasn't sure what this said about his character or about him as a person, and so it's sort of stuck with me for a while. I wanted to ask, but I really felt too embarrassed to ask, "Hey, so why'd you stick your finger in my butt?"
He's had sex with 3 women, no longterm relationships.

This is good, even a nonverbal "conversation" would've been nice. Shows that he cares about your enjoyment and feelings. Since anal play is not standard sexual activity (for me), I just didn't expect that someone would do it. I'm glad that it wasn't something that bothered me, and is something that I can enjoy. Otherwise, I would've been extremely uncomfortable and maybe even upset!

 

This thread just cracks me up.
I had it pop in my head after lunch today and I just burst out laughing.
I can't even fathom what it means.

 

What ever happened to spontaneity?

 

Where else was he going to put it? I'd imagine it'd be much more inconvenient for him to try to put it in his own butt, and from the sound of it, the only other orifice in the vicinity was already occupied.

 

I would think at least two of the three other women he has had sex with liked it but you will never know without asking him. Communication is good, unless you are not planning to have sex with him again.

 

As most know or should know anal flirtation or sex is very common in Europe and is very much expected. Anything done with the anus has been done and going on long,long before the computer age. When one gets extra horny , they explore where the mind takes them, usually without taking a break to ask their partner, thus not breaking the mood. Going slowly where newbies aren't quite as experienced makes it easier.

 

Anybody else read this post in Mr. Rogers' voice?

 

With the information given, I don't think he did it with any malicious intent, but you should probably let him know that he should reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally ask first before he does something like that again.

 

the meaning?

He was just trying things out.

no need to overthink it. He's inexperienced and probably wanted to blow your mind..instead of asking you or going by body language he fell back on what he's seen in porn or heard from his friends.

 

Yeah, I'm in the camp that he did it with previous partners and they enjoyed it, so he went with it as normal play.

He probably never did it again because he got feedback from you, whether spoken or unspoken, that it was not okay. Not necessarily that the finger in your butt was not okay, maybe just the lack of discussion, but he got, in some way, a big red NO surrounding that activity. Did you talk with him about it after?

 

Surprise butt sex? lol

OP: My feelings on the matter are that his general inexperience(/youth?) and probable porn consumption contributed to his misstep. I wouldn't make an negative assessment on his character, beyond him being inexperienced, from that misstep alone. If you like the guy, I would not let one-time mistake be a deal breaker. Depending on how you feel about the guy, you should probably have a discussion with him requesting that he check with you before he plunges right in. If you find that you dig anal, a warning may suffice. It is a reasonable request on your part to receive clearance or notification that he's coming in through the back door.

 

How long after he did it, did you let him continue? Maybe he figured the fact that you didn't react negatively meant you liked it?