15 Year Old Comments on Facebook About Love

LOL good point. A few years back (like 2011/2012ish) I logged into my dusty old MySpace account which somehow still exists, and read some of the dumbass shit I'd written way back in 2004/2005. Jesus Christ. What a fucking retard I was.

 

As a parent, I'll just say that if this was my 15 year old and I found this thread, I'd be pretty fucking pissed. And I'd want to know who the OP was and why this was here.

But that's just my opinion. You guys can find this funny and somehow relevant to whatever, and I'll just go ahead and think that this is waaaaay creepy and totally inappropriate.

 

I'm assuming it was a public post. Which doesn't make it any less creepy that a guy whose heretofore sole interest was the benefits of coconut oil as a sexual lubricant is the one posting it.

You're welcome to your opinion. Mine is that the OP is fucking creepy and borderline dangerous based on all the facts I have.

 

I could've written that when I was 15. I thought I had love and sex completely figured out, even though it turns out I didn't really know anything about either.

 

I've been packing boxes and ran across a bunch of my old journals.
Since I'm a masochist I'm going to post a page from my fifteen year old musings.
G-d it's awful. I'm not editing the damn things either except for spelling which was pretty awful.
As far as I can tell this was written after coming home after a party where I'd struck out with someone I liked.

It gets worse from there.

 

I believe it was Confucius that once said: When you're a guy that punches old ladies, you see old ladies everywhere.

 

That'd actually be nice- this setting up the camera's timer and running in front of it is a drag.

Back on topic, (more or less) what WOULD a 15 year old comment about love be? 15 years, that would make the year 1999, so...

"I met this girl, and I'm taking her to a movie- Star Wars, The Phantom Menace. It's gonna be a great night!"

"I adore taking my girl wherever her heart desires. Gas is only $1.22 a gallon, so who cares?"

"Our love, is gonna last forever... just like the careers of the Backstreet Boys!"

 

Was reminiscing today with work colleagues about the eighties. We would have all been teens during those years and although we could think of fond memories none of us would want to go back to those years.

 

Sadly, that was from the seventies, 75 to be exact, and you are so right - there is no way in hell I would go back.

 

For real. The sense of innocence and being on top of the world and having everything figured out (i.e. - one being too stupid to know how stupid one is) could be a nice security blanket, but it's just such a step backward.

Creepy would be debatable at best, but dangerous? I seriously doubt it. If people went back through all the forums and all the posts I'd made throughout the last decade - all the snarky, or angry, or sarcastic, or bad-taste-humor posts, you could probably easily derive that I'm some kind of raving lunatic with extremist views (and even worse, views that are extremist is several different directions simultaneously). None of this would be even remotely true, because the internet distorts everyone's personality traits and only captures little emotionally stilted snapshots of them at any given time. And yes, sometimes it more clearly displays a trait normally hidden in real-life, but this leads you to think it's a major personality trait of theirs that they might somehow act on IRL, when in fact they simply never would. Some people are un-knowingly different online, some people come across as being different online simply because some of their personality/character doesn't translate through text, and some are well aware that they can be a totally different person online and fully take advantage of it. You never really know which is which. I seriously doubt @tawnbebachus wants to interact with 14-year-olds and coconut oil at the same time. Right @tawnebachus? Please tell me I'm right here.

Writing some goofy or depraved or even serious post about cononut oil as a sex-lubricant doesn't automatically make a person into the kind of freak/weirdo that shouldn't be around kids and certainly not dangerous, unless they are knowingly discussing this topic with kids - which correct me if I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure he wasn't. It's just the kind of shit bored adults do in adult spaces where you can let your hair down, and the kind of shit kids do... Well, pretty much any time adults aren't around. I can personally tell you this because when I was twelve years old, attending private Catholic school in southwest Missouri almost exactly two decades ago now, I was sitting in church with some bored friends joking about taking girls to the movies, and I came up with the idea of using the popcorn grease (aka- coconut oil) as lube for the girl to jerk the guy off with. And down the street there were probably some college-level dude-bros drinking beer and talking about a similarly goofy thing, and further down the street some dirty old bastards drinking bourbon and doing the same. As long as a person isn't trying to cross over into an inappropriate age-group, I don't see a problem.

Again, if I'd seen this post pop up on my newsfeed or whatever, the sheer stupidity and self-aggrandizing assumption of one's own superior romantic experience at the ripe old age of 14 would have made my fucking eye twitch - partially because I would like to punch my former wanker self in the sternum for writing the exact same kind of cliche shit (making it all the more irritating), and partially because never before have we the general masses been forcibly subjected to this fuckery right in our faces on a constant and large-scale basis; in the past, it would stay conveniently hidden away in some diary or notebook under a bed or in a night-stand somewhere, safely unable to incite ire and ridicule or kill our brain cells - thank you, Internet. If I'd have seen it, I'd probably have found some way to make fun of it as well. Because it should be made fun of (or if not ridiculed then at least pegged for being what it is), because it is utterly laughable and terrible in taste, and patting this irritating wannabe-romantic potential borderline budding narcissist on the head will only further solidify their already-self-assured sense of all-knowing wisdom and provoke them to write more brain-melting idiotic internet drivel.

 

Okay, so let's say the OP makes a correction.

Oops, he says, I got that wrong. It wasn't from a 15 year old girl, rather, it was a 45 year old guy.

He's a self-admitted virgin, but hey, maybe he was in grad school all those years.

I mean, he starts sentences with "Hell" and "Granted". He writes in parallel structures ("You can't ... You can't ... "). He uses "plastic" to modify "women". Those are dead giveaways.

But there's more. He systematically leaves out every single apostrophe. That takes determination, skill, and probably a lot of gin and tonics. Maybe bourbon, if he's a Southerner.

Who writes like that? A young American kid, who never experienced the 20th century? Give me a fucking break.

Revise and resubmit!

 

It could be made to look bad by someone in a moral panic, although there is nothing remotely sexual in the OP's original post. In fact, there were no comments on its material - he just asked if we had any thoughts on it, and the rest of us took it from there, making everyone else about as guilty as him, give or take. And trying to draw a line like "Well, somewhere in some other thread that's totally unrelated he talked about pervy adult stuff, so lampooning some extremely cheesy underage-wannabe-romance hilarity in a completely different and unrelated thread must somehow relate to the perviness" is a stretch at minimum.

He's not communicating with the 15-year-old, presumably he did not seek out this post (it likely just popped up on his newsfeed like so much other diversely idiotic shit does on everyone's newsfeeds all the time because that's the nature of FaceBook), he's just presenting a piece of internet culture - in this case an anonymous 15-year-old's cliche literary word-vomit) for commentary. And I, for one, ardently defend my right of free speech to make fun of anything I want to that comes in front of my face, regardless of their age. I just call it as I see it. And that shit is retarded.

[EDIT - just re-read and noticed the above more specifically] - This is true, just because you don't know who's going get all weirdo-creeper about it in subsequent comments and say something fucked up or incriminating. As long as they don't, it really wouldn't be any different than making fun of some retard while you're with adult friends in a 21+ bar; does that make it any more or less acceptable than those same people making fun of said retard in a random McDonald's or something? I can see that the 18+ environment could potentially foster more creep-ish comments, although I think the mods would promptly eradicate these rather than let them stand, for safety's sake. Besides, I think most of us here are more interested in relating over our own ineptitude at that age anyway, rather than actually focusing on this generic, alleged phantom 15-year-old from the Internet who may or may not exist.

 

That was why I brought in my own embarrassing 15 year old musings.
Not because I wanted everyone to point and laugh but to get away from the original post a bit, maybe lead the thread towards our own stuff and away from what the OP posted.

 

Is this actually you? If so I'm pretty sure I always see you on TFP dressed like Indiana Jones, is this normally how you dress..?

Sweet watch in any case, it took me ages to find one in that style (first place I saw that cuff-style watch was Hank Moody on Californication).

 

It's just a watch?
Darn and here I thought he had a Vortex Manipulator and that was how he was able to take all those pictures of himself.

 

Haha Vortex Manipulator was my first impression too, although if you're insinuating he used a duplicate of himself from a different timeline to take his own pictures, doesn't that cause like, one of those time loop/paradox things to happen..?

@rogue49 Yeah I see the point, perception and such. I think the text from the (alleged) anonymous "15yo" is really just like, an embodiment of what most 15yo's tend to think about love/sex/etc., which is really more of what I was ridiculing in a grander sense.

 

I can understand being careful. I am a public figure myself, and I don't want to be seen entering certain places.

I understand perfectly Norman Mailer's comment about being inhibited from taking a piss in a strange alley, for fear of cops and headlines.

No question, a teacher who is constantly face-to-face with underage kids is in a delicate and vulnerable position.

That's pretty far from making fun of some text posted on the Internet. So I'm not too worried about moral panic here.

But if the original author exists as specified, and if she were to Google her own words and find this thread, she would surely feel hurt and embarrassed.

In my mind, that would justify removing or obscuring that piece of text.