I want to seduce my female friend

33/bisexual F here. I haven't had an experience with a woman in ages, in fact had been wondering if that part of me was just dead. And I should be clear, I've never even really gone that far with a woman. Had legit "sex" only once.

But in the past six months or so, I've experienced some definite chemistry with a female friend of mine, a single mom. And it's on my mind so much that I know I need to explore it more.

There's been innocent flirting, affection. One night on a group trip we ended up having to share a bed and she grasped my hand and led it to her bare shoulder. I explored her body for a while... a very sensual but ultimately innocent experience. Soon after that, after a drunken night out, we ended up passing out on the same couch nuzzling each other, and I kissed her neck.

But that was a while ago. And that's as far as things have gone.

I'm spending a night or two alone with her soon and I want to AT LEAST get a good makeout out of this thing. I strongly sense that she's game, if I approach it the right way. I'd really like to nudge her into a position where SHE'S making the first move.

Any tips??

(Note: I would assume this woman self-identifies as straight. Based on my own observations of her behavior, I'd label her strongly "bicurious." I bet the furthest she's gone is drunk-kissing girls in her college days. And she's also generally an affectionate and pretty flirty person with everyone, so I'm careful about reading specific signals.)

 

Straight M here so maybe the signals are different.
But this: One night on a group trip we ended up having to share a bed and she grasped my hand and led it to her bare shoulder. I explored her body for a while
Sounds like a big green light to me.

Why didn't it go any further that night?
And why do you want to twist things so that SHE makes the first move?

 

I used underlining to illustrate that I think the door has been opened. Look her in the eye while smiling at her and flirting specifically with her. I don't see any room for misread signals, unless she has changed her mind about bi-possibility.

Keep the alcohol to a minimum. Let whatever happens be of her true free will.

EDIT--I see that you're interested in having her make the first move, or at least reciprocate. Since that might be unlikely, when she seems receptive to your affections, tell her your intentions and that you need to be sure that you're both on the same page. She might be wanting to be seduced by you, which is fine as long as both of you are clear on what's happening. Remorse is always a possibility, even when all parties are clear on what's going to happen.

 

I didn't want to take things too far that night and cross any lines. Although she led my hand to her body and invited me to explore, and I did, she wasn't reciprocating in touching me. She just had her eyes closed and was breathing heavily. And honestly, that was pretty hot. But there's definitely a passivity there.

In the other situation, too, where I kissed her neck, although we had both gotten ourselves in that situation where we were close and nuzzling, I was the one to initiate the kissing. And again, I stopped because I didn't want to cross any lines.

Although she's demonstrated clear curiosity and I believe she's enjoyed the minor incidents we've had, I would only feel comfortable going further if she's the one to start.

We'll probably be watching TV together so I'm going to try to get close, have our knees touch, etc., give her some bold looks in the eye, and see what happens. My guess is she won't have the guts to do anything, though.

 

Does she know you're bi? That might be a good way to get the subject going, telling her. Although given that night when you "explored her body," I think she probably knows, and wants you to make a move.

Otherwise, I think you have two options. Option one: pursue her the old-fashioned way, with compliments, flirtation, romance, etc., and hope it gets you where you want to go. Option two: go for it. Just tell her you want her and ask her to get it on. That kind of spot-on full-frontal approach tends to have very mixed success when guys try it, but my lesbian friends say it has a decent effectiveness rate when they use it, and Lord knows it's almost a sure thing when a woman uses it on a man. So if you're confident and rely on her flirting and prior experience with light pre-foreplay, it could be worth a shot.

Again, in my experience watching my lesbian/bi friends do their thing, I have noticed that women are often just as seduceable by other women as men are, and when they're not interested, they take a respectful pass much better than men do,and are usually able to maintain friendships after such a failed pass. Not always, I grant you, and some of my friends have definitely had that bite them in the ass in a fairly dramatic way. But that seems to be a minority outcome.

In the end, your approach is going to have to be what you feel comfortable with, and what you think will serve you best given who the two of you are, what kind of relationship you have, and how resilient you feel that relationship is.

 

Although I've never talked directly with her about my bisexuality, I have to safely assume she's aware. She's certainly picked up on the vibe! When I first started noticing a chemistry with her, it was because she would do affectionate things like briefly rub my thigh, etc... I don't think you pull those games with women you assume are completely "straight."

And I'd never just full-on GO FOR IT with her...I'm almost certain that would backfire. Keep in mind, this woman identifies as straight, has probably only done some minor experimentation in the past, and probably has no desire for actual "lesbian sex." And note that the two times when we've done some exploring, it's been situations where we were kinda "forced" into intimacy. "Had" to share a bed, "accidentally" fell asleep together on the couch. Putting all these in quotes because of course there was an element of choice, but I think it's easier for her to feel comfortable in these types of scenarios. It's easier when she's not directly taking any actions.

I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her, and I don't think we would go too far physically. I just know I need to pursue this more or I'm going to go nuts. The curiosity is just too strong for me at this point.

So I might get a little bolder than "knees touching," but she sure as hell has got to be the one to initiate a kiss!

 

Straight male here with a bisexual wife.

Odds are you are going to HAVE to start it. If shes never had a bisexual experience, even if she wants one, odds are shes going to be far to shy to start it on her own. You are the one that will need to lead her. Get her in the right frame of mind, situation, and ask if you can kiss her. Based on how she responds you will know how to go from there. Sometimes you gotta just risk it or nothing will happen. In a way, you have to be the "man" here and make that first move.

 

I gotta say in my own experience I hate when people directly ASK me if they can kiss me. It's just a turnoff. I like when people appropriately sense the vibe, then take action.

Of course in this situation, it's even harder to "sense the vibe" correctly. Assuming I'm the one who initiates, I'm already facing the general risk of rejection, but then also the bigger risk of a reaction of "What are you doing?? This isn't part of my sexual identity!" (Despite our shared experiences.)

Gotta tread this one carefully for sure!

 

From what I have read of your experience with her I think she is open to trying more than she already has. I had a similar experience and like you I sensed the vibe and I wasn't disappointed in his reaction and to this day we are still friends. We are both married parents now and have occasional reminisced about our "first time". What do you have to lose if you don't try ? That's just as important as what you could lose if you try. Life is too short to miss out on all of the good things it offers.

 

And now you know why it can be hard to be a man dating sometimes. Many women expect us to just "know" its time. Its not that easy. If SHE said "may I kiss you" you wouldn't say no now would you? Gotta do what ya gotta do. If you knew she was bi for sure, or if she was a male then sure, go for it, but since you are worried she might suddenly say "hey wait I'm straight, what are you doing!?" then you may as well ask.

"You look so cute like that, I really have this desire to kiss you right now."

 

Although I probably wouldn't specifically say the words "I want to kiss you," I do like the general strategy. Might give it a shot.

Like, once we're sitting close together, maybe brush her hair back behind her ear and say "You look so cute right now." Make deep eye contact, then bring my eyes down to her lips. It'd be impossible for her to misread that. I'm sure I'd get my answer of whether she's into it or not right then and there.

 

I can only guess on some of this but my daughter is gay and blunt as hell.
She is what is stupidly called a 'lipstick lesbian' and is attracted to softer woman, often who think of themselves as straight.
So, from what she tells me, what you might have is the 'I wanna but I need to have an out girl'.

She's going to be passive on you for a good ways into the whole thing because she needs to be able to tell herself she's really 'not that way'.
Does that suck for you?
Yes, very much.
Is it worth pursuing?
I don't know, she might flip at some point and decide it's OK to go with the feelings.
Or she will have the one experience and never talk about it again which is something my kiddo has had to deal with.
She has manged to flip a couple including her current girlfriend, so don't give up hope.

Of course all of this is armchair quarterbacking from a very long distance.

 

I should be clear too... I'm bisexual myself, not fully lesbian. I haven't hooked up with a woman in several years, haven't dated a female since I was 19 years old! And the experimentation I did do in the past was mostly pretty innocent. But I did enough, and occasionally got my feelings involved, so that I could never feel comfortable calling myself "straight" ever again. I keep an open mind at all times.

This lady has surprised me by reactivating that side of myself, bringing it out of dormancy. And it's been fun! It reminds me that more doors are usually open than you ever realize...

As I said, I don't even think I want to have "sex" with her, and I don't want anything romantic -- I just think it's time to do something about this chemistry and tension that's been brewing between us. If we were male/female we would have jumped each other's bones a long time ago. It's time to explore this more.

 

There's an element of risk any time you alter the dynamics of a relationship. A bold move may drive a wedge between good friends.

Why not steer the conversation to sex, generally, and then more specifically, to what each of you are attracted by. If your friend has inclinations, they may be revealed, and possibly acted upon!

 

I'm willing to take that risk: A) because we've already head some sexual experiences in the past, and our friendship has survived them without major weirdness. Having a more "overt" experience might change the dynamic some, but I don't think it could sink us at this point. and B) because we're not longtime or exceptionally close friends. She's important to me and I care for her but it's not a life or death friendship that I couldn't risk altering.

 

Please forgive me if this offends anyone. No muff too tuff. Flirting is contagious. When that someone flirts back, human nature takes over. Be yourself, experience the pleasure that is luring you in the first place.

 

Hmm... A single mom. Often these types are a bit jaded towards men, and as pretty much everyone has stated so far, she seems to be open to sexual/romantic encounters. I have absolutely no idea how bisexual dynamics work in the real world though, but I would also caution that she, being largely committed and split between her kids and (I'm guessing?) work of some sort, might be bored with life and simply open to experimentation... I'm just saying, don't let her use you as her straight-girl "lesbian experiment," unless you're aware of that possibility and OK with it - I've heard various lesbians bitching about this apparently annoying straight-girl phenomenon in their VLOGs on YouTube (I watch a wide, wide variety of stuff on YouTube ).

Best of luck though, wish my life were this exciting lol.
.

 

UPDATE:OK, so I spent my night alone with the single mom. I'm left only more confused and frustrated.

As I predicted, we ended up on the same couch watching TV, drinking some wine. She turned off the lights. For me, the tension was high. All of a sudden she shifted positions and put her bare feet in my lap. I knew I had to do something with that, so I tickled them at first -- she giggled -- but then I started stroking her feet more deliberately. She fell silent, then I heard her breathing get kind of heavy.

After a while, I decided to make more of a move. I suddenly wedged myself in the tight space behind her on the couch. My mouth was at the crook of the neck, my breasts were pressed against her back, and my fingers landed on her hip bone.

I just stayed like that while we watched TV, occasionally tapping my fingers on her hip, and at one point pressing my mouth deliberately against her neck (but not kissing). We were watching a funny movie, so occasionally we'd laugh at the same time and our bodies would rumble together.


Darkness + wine = eventually I drifted off. But I stirred once she'd gotten off the couch. I said the obvious: "You going to bed?" Her, smiling: "Yeah, it's really late." Me: "Well that was cozy." Her, laughing: "Yeah."
Me: "So, goodnight?" (Emphasis on the question mark). Her: "Goodnight." Then she headed off to her bed. I just slept on the couch.


What happened between us was fun, cozy, intimate, but I don't know if I'm ever going to get the green-light to go further. I don't know if she wants anything more than that type of sweet affection.For whatever reason, I just didn't feel comfortable making a bolder move, like kissing her. I felt that after wedged myself behind her, it was her move to turn around and kiss me (or whatever) if she wanted.

 

Forgive my bluntness and use of a geezer saying:

1. Shit, or get off the pot. It's very clear that you're going to have to make the difinitive move.

Or

2. Let it go. Interpret her "Goodnight" as the door is now closed.

 

Forgive me for sound like an asshole, but I think you may have shut that window of opportunity yourself by falling asleep. Had you not, I suspect she might have been receptive in that close, intimate physical situation you found yourselves in to you kissing her. She may not have necessarily felt ready or bold enough to make the proverbial next move, but she very well could have been ready for you to.