How to get over a tough break up

I recently found out my girlfriend of two years went to New Orleans and stayed with an old fling. She swears she slept on his couch and nothing happened. The fact that she covered it up and I had to find out not from her means my trust in her has dissipated. This was my longest relationship and I thought I was going to marry her. The last couple of days have been the equivalent of withdraw from hard drugs. I messed up and went and saw her two nights ago and ended up sleeping with her again.

I still think about her all the time although I know I should move on. How do I get over this woman when I can't go 30 minutes without thinking of her?

 

Well, you need to figure out what you want to do... are you going to try to patch things up or are you done? You didn't really state your situation very clearly. What's the deal?

If she says that she slept on the couch, you have a choice to believe her or not. You obviously are okay with it to a certain extend because you're still fucking her.

If she is on good terms with her ex (as a friend) and wanted to save some money on a skeezy hotel room, I could totally understand the couch surfing.

If her dishonesty is bothering you, why don't you focus on that? Did you bring it up? How did you find out? How did she react to the discovery?

It would seem like there is more going on here than just what you've posted above, my friend. How have the last two years been with her?

How often do you see each other? Do you live together? How often does she travel? You? Are you in school or do you work? Her?

 

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Results may vary on that one


If you really don't want to see her again, clean break. Sure, you'll miss her. That's normal. But it gets easier as time goes on.

 

Ok, I didn't post the whole story because I wanted advice on moving on but here goes...

This is not the first time she had been dishonest with me. 3 months back I intercepted a fb message from a guy at enterprise that gives cars to her and her colleagues for work. (She is an admissions counselor) The message siad that he would like to meet for lunch and she replied "weekends aren't good for me but, during the week I'm flexible."(She lives an hour away from me while I'm finishing up school. We mostly saw each other on the weekends) I immediately confronted her about this and she replied that "I was over reacting, and they probably wouldn't have even met for lunch." There was also a message from a guy in new orleans, saying that he wanted to have her back etc, etc, but she told him that she was in a good relationship and it wouldn't happen. I forgot and forgave and that was that. However, she was upset with me for even thinking that she would cheat. About a month ago she tells me she's making plans to stay at her gf's house in new orleans for mardi gras.(She went to university of New orleans for a semester.) I was ok with this and didn't think anything of it. Then, I noticed this guy sending her texts saying "only one more week" and long behold it was the same guy from the fb message saying he wanted her back. I learned my lesson from the first incident and did not confront her, I just waited to see.

When she got back from new orleans everything was fine until I noticed that this guy was still sending her texts. So I confronted her and asked who this person was. She lied about staying with him at first until she tripped up on her words and admitted she stayed on his couch one night while her gf worked late. She said the plan was just to hangout with him until her gf picked her up later that night but she fell asleep on his couch. She also said that he called her when she was at a bar and she needed a ride anyway which is how she ended up at his house.

I don't believe her because she knew how he felt about her before she went to new orleans and she called me every night while she was down there when she was turning in for the night and wanted to say goodnight. She misled me to believe she was at her friend's house every night, which was a lie.

I know I can't be with her again but I'm having a hard time resisting her phone calls, texts, and messages.

 

Well, it sounds like your snooping paid off!

Wait, that's kind of cruel of me, isn't it?




Well, it sounds like your snooping paid off!

All better now.

You asked questions when you weren't prepared for answers. Yes, it sucks. I've been there and done that - although my journey wasn't quite so efficient or destructive as yours. But I don't think that this is the "how did I get here?" thread. I think it's the "where do I go from here?" thread. So I offer this sage advice:

You at least have the dignity of dumping her first.

Please put the Peter Gabriel down, man. That's not going to solve anything. Not even "Shock The Monkey", which does indeed cure most ills. Powerless in this case, my friend.

My advice to you is to call your friends, go get drunk, go to a strip club, jerk off at home then wake up the next day hungover and ashamed and realize that you're better than all this. Delete her texts, block her number, send her emails to spam. Don't answer the door if its her. Don't sleep with her. Send her back all her shit in a box. Then go on a date as soon as you can do it without the crippling fear that it's just going to happen all over again. It won't.

 

Your sage advice made me laugh, I needed that. Thank You

 

For every "Thanks, I needed that", there are 2 "what a fucking asshole" responses.

Cue the haters.

 

Go on a yearlong drinking binge, write mournful poetry, cry yourself to sleep at night sometimes using your tears to masturbate.
Alienate all your friends by describing every little thing that you did together and how much you miss her, call her and hang up.
Listen only to Joy Division, The Cure and Nick Cave. Shave your head and send her the hair.

One day you'll wake up and be really tired of that shit.
Then you'll be fine.

 

I'm going to simplify this for you as I am speaking from experience.... TIME

it all takes time, it'll be scary and hard right now but with time it gets easier, you'll forget about her and move onto someone who works better for you. Its tough right now but it all gets better...

 

Sounds like y'all could patch things up if you never let her out of your sight. Would se be ok being on a leash?

If you're going to walk away, don't. Run! It will hurt less.

 

Hmmm. A leash! That could open up some interesting possibilities.

Seriously, I agree. Run away. Run fast, run far.

And don't look for true love on the rebound. It rarely works. Give yourself some time, then force yourself to go out with other women, but just have some fun for awhile. Don't pull yourself out of a bad relationship, then jump right into a other one.

 

This /\.

Major trust issues.

Time to move on. Yes, it'll hurt, but you'll get over it.

 

Just remember trust is the key.

 

Trust isn't the key. Trust is broken. The key is value. Do you value this other person?

Everybody fucks up. Your partners will fuck up. You've fucked up. I've fucked up.

Are we still valued and thus able to be forgiven? We're not meant to be saints.

Infidelity might be a deal-breaker for some but it doesn't have to be universal.

Life is too short to play absolutes.

...

Fuckin' sweater-wearing actuary.

 

In any relationship.

 

From what thattallguy has posted, his GF has diminished her value by lying about several situations that indicated movement towards possible infidelity. What value does she place on her relationship with thattallguy? IMO not very much. I do acknowledge that we're only hearing one side of the story, but what we're hearing doesn't sound like a solid relationship.

I'm not sure how someone can still value someone else after trust has been broken, or at least called into question, several times.