The Official "Ask Plan9" Thread

I use my avatars like faces, like slogan t-shirts, like mood rings. If I come across something I feel like would be useful for those purposes, I archive it. Every avatar I've ever used since June 2007 has been saved.

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I find that having only one is cruel (so roanree), two is optimal for morale (even though one always lies and one always tells the truth) and more than two is a herd that could at any moment turn on you.

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Hire Jack Crow. Puncturing the heart is a surefire method to dispatch the undead. "Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters."

And, for fuck's sake, keep your back to the wall, your flashlight on a lanyard and never, ever make a joke after a false start scare.

 

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

Zero. He'd outsource. It's significantly cheaper to hire Indian labor to toss your lumber if you're an American woodchuck.

 

I have to poop. Should I go now, or wait until I finish this episode of Scandal?

 

The way Scandal is set up, you should watch until the halfway point in the current show, poop like a lady and then come back to the next ZOMG plot twist.

/my woman watches Scandal from mid-episode to mid-episode to avoid the mouth-open-head-essplode cliffhanger that leads to Netflix binge watching

 

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That's actually brilliant.

 

She's put a lot of thought into it... you know, when to poop during TV shows.

 

How much drugs should you ingest before sitting down to "enjoy" a marathon session of the Star Wars Prequels to make them watchable?
--- merged: Mar 12, 2014 at 8:55 PM ---
There was that one good scene in the prequels, best part of all of them (to borrow from my personal set of created images) -

 

How much Martha Stewart is too much??

 

There's no such thing.

Martha's my BFF.

 

What's the line between hobby and addiction?

 

Have you ever faked an orgasm while masturbating?

If you could give one item (the same item) to every person in the world, what would it be?

 

This is a trick question. You wouldn't be given any drugs because you would have to be taken hostage to "enjoy" a marathon sessions of the Star Wars prequels.

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Well, if she's the only woman you've got access to... she's arguably a better cellmate than Roseanne Barr would be, that angry sack of potatoes.

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A hobby is something you do with your free time. An addiction is something you want all the time, to the detriment of your health, employment, relationships, etc.

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No. Why would anybody do that? Dudes don't fake orgasms because, as a man, sex is like pizza: even when it's shitty, you still finish.

An enema. Most people are full of shit, myself included.

 

Why are roses red?

 

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?

 

What nontraditional style/flavor of beer should our brewers do next?