Fetish and reputation

How much would your attitude change toward someone (a relative, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, an acquaintance, your professor, a teacher at your child's school, your physician, a member of the clergy at your religious congregation, a public figure, a celebrity), if you found out that the person had a sexual fetish of some kind?

Erving Goffman, author of the classic Stigma (1963), would characterize a fetishist as "discreditable," that is, relations with others would be adversely affected if the secret were exposed.

Presumably the extent and nature of the "discredit" would depend on what kind of fetish was involved. The affected person might be seen as morally deficient, or become the object of pity or ridicule.

For an amazingly extensive list of common fetishes, see Wikipedia's list of pornographic sub-genres.

Chances are pretty good that at least some people you know are secret consumers of some type of fetish porn, and/or take part in online or in-person communities of like-minded fetishists.

I have noticed that some who declare themselves 100% tolerant in principle become remarkably intolerant when the fetishist is someone they know or deal with.

How do you feel about this?

 

Mmm, I get the distinct feeling that everybody on this forum is probably a freak as far as the fetish thing goes. Yes, you.

That and what's kinky anymore?

Hell, your typical lame mainstream gonzo porn flick actors and activity formula has most people covered, or so it seems.

Let's break it down: You've about thousands of different ways to end up with the same young hardbodies in ridiculous lingerie and heels getting felt up before giving some Cro Mag / body builder with a horse cock a sloppy blowjob, getting reamed in all three orifices in six different positions before receiving a tapioca bazooka to her gleaming visage. It's getting to the point where straight vaginal sex is considered a weird fetish or placed into the silly "Female Friendly" category at your local sex shop.

So, yeah, what's weird when everything is kinda weird?

...

Do I worry that knowledge of my sex act prefs will get out? Not really, I'm kinda boring. I have no desire to tie anybody up, choke them until they change color or pee on them while they bark like a dog on their hands/knees while wearing a cosplay wig.

Would I judge one of my friends for saying he had a weird fetish? Sure. It wouldn't really change how I interact with him but it would make it awkward to be around his wife if he said he likes covering her in cling wrap and taking a dump on her chest.

...

Also:

/love that movie

 

Chances are when im in the room I'm probably the secret consumer. If I judge them by my standards then they are probably safe by my book. Though I'd be curious to see how far they actually go. But I don't share with others my personal foibles because I don't want them making judgments on me.

 

Also: Web porn didn't just make freakinesss more acceptable, it allowed people to indulge in their particular freakiness regularly. Instead of watching whatever was on those grainy VHS cassettes in the basement, you could pick your favorite poison.

Man, it must have sucked to be into midget smut back when the only place you could get it was from an actual midget.

...

I can't find the link now (of course), but a few months (years?) ago I posted a "research" piece on sexual activity preferences and if exposure to all the world's pr0nz changed the way that individuals felt about their particular freakiness (did it make them go after newer, more crazy stuff or what?) and it suggested that if you aren't really into x, seeing x on a regular basis won't change your proclivities. I thought that was interesting as it seems to suggest that most people develop their freakiness early in life.

 

But before the internet how would I know that midgets are so hot? I don't know, I think regular exposure has changed my perceptions of what I like. II'm just happy now that I have a girlfriend that I'm actually sexually satisfied with and my porn consumption and angrybation has dropped dramatically.

 

No, I doubt anything about me would shock you even slightly.

Rather, I'm concerned about keeping my private preferences from leaking into my real-world public self.

 

I think it completely depends on the situation.

At the extreme end that by and large most people agree are revolting and criminal (ie - paedophilia, bestiality) and some that most people would find quite harmless (having a thing for girls in stockings or men in uniforms)

If we can limit the conversation to things that are not criminal, there are some things that I might have a laugh about and shrug my shoulders and say "whatever floats your boat..." (like Rex Ryan's foot fetish stuff...) and some things that I would find disturbing to a degree I would feel uncomfortable being around that person if I knew about it (people who dress up as "adult babies" or who wank over their cars for example). On the whole, I'd really rather not know what most people I know get up to in the bedroom. (unless its an attractive woman of course...)

 

Personally, unless someone is into sex with children or animals, learning about their sexual proclivities won't change the way I feel about them. Granted, I think I am more tolerant and less fascinated with other people's turn-ons than the average person. Very rarely do I find the things that turn people on to be shocking or surprising. To me it's like finding out about someone's taste in music or art - informative and interesting, but not titillating. Most people don't want to admit it, but fascination with the sex lives of other people is driven by titillation and voyeurism - it's sexual. Perhaps because I have so many interests myself and have been pretty open about them for so long, it's just not as exciting to hear about what someone else is into as it is for other people.

I only have one actual fetish and that is for stockings. Stockings with garter straps. They are fetish for me in that wearing them and feeling them on my skin is arousing. That is another facet of fetishism that is important to distinguish: a fetish is usually for an object that is not overtly sexual in nature. One cannot have a fetish for dildos, for example, they're already sexualized. Most of my sexual proclivities would be what are referred to as kinks (ie, sexual activities that fall outside of the mainstream). What is considered kink changes with the times, though. For instance, anal was considered to be a kink up through the '50s and '60s, but not so much today.

 

I think for most of the public at large, context is extremely important to how this would be viewed. Casting aside anything illegal, the average person is more likely to overlook a fetish in their mailman than, say, their minister. People tend to hold others to varying standards, depending on their place in society. I've seen stories about teachers (usually female) being fired for posing nude, so exposing a fetish is likely to lead to serious consequences. Despite what we may like to think about ourselves, American society still clings to a puritanical streak and projects it onto certain members of society.

Good example: Anthony Wiener (appropriately named). Turns out he has a thing about communicating with sweet young things and sharing photos of his cock. even though he's married to a woman who is (in my opinion, at least) scorching hot. People in NYC don't want him representing them. Is it because they're turned off by his proclivities? Are they turned off because he's apparently not clever enough to hide what he does? Do they hold him to a different standard than the average Joe because of the place he wants to assume in their society?

Personally, I don't care what people do in their private lives. However, I've always been a private person, so I probably project that onto others. I have no need to let others know what I do in private, and I have little desire to know what people around me are doing in theirs (beyond the primal prurient curiosity).

 

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H.G. Wells.

Though I think perhaps envy is the better word.

 

Eloquently expressed.

 

I should say, though, that a sexual kink can live entirely in the world of fantasy. Nothing to envy about that.

 

When I was a kid, elementary through high school, a really good friend of mine had a urine fetish. I didn't care, it didn't change the way I thought of him, and it rarely changed the way I acted around him. Like many before me said, I don't care as long as it's not with children or animals. I'm not going to lie, it might change the way I act a little bit, but I certainly wouldn't taunt or avoid them. I might avoid certain activities, though. I mean, I have seen some messed up shit, so I honestly don't care whether it's real or, as [USER]Street Pattern[/USER] said, lives in a world of fantasy. Whatever turns you on.

 

I forget who said it, but I think it was Weird Al. To paraphrase, if one person does something, they are weird, if 10 people do it, its a club. There are some fetishes which I just can't grasp, some will creep me out somewhat. I think an issue is some people are defined by their fetish while others are not. If your fetish is who you are and you make sure people know I can understand a blow back. You should never define yourself based on where you stick your penis or what you stick into your vagina. Sexuality is a part of life, not life itself.

Some probably SHOULD for various possible reasons. On the other hand if something is making someone specifically unhappy in a 'non harmful' fetish, then its up to the one with it to make it happen. You've mentioned the issues you are having with your marriage, and my advice is you don't have to live that way, no one should be expected to.

 

I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't judge someone close to me if I found out they had some kind of sexual fetish outside of the mainstream run of things, because I definitely would. I'd laugh, I'd tease, I'd poke fun. But I'd never let it affect how I treat that person in any way, shape, or form. I've got some sexual fetishes on the pretty extreme end of things, so I'd be incredibly hypocritical if I ever treated someone differently for their preferences. Everyone deserves my respect until they give me a reason otherwise, and their sexual fetishes do not qualify as such a reason. In fact, there isn't a single arena where sexual preferences comes into play in my How Should I Treat This Person decision making process. As long as it's consensual, and doesn't involve kids or animals, IDGAF, have fun.

 

everybody has some kind of fetish wether they admit it or not