Fidelity is easy / infidelity is hard

I'm writing here about men in monogamous marriages.

If you're not a rock star (broadly defined), all you have to do is live your life, and you get credit for fidelity.

It's the easiest moral credential to get.

You may find other women interesting, but no temptress is grabbing your hand to lead you off to bed.

As a married man, you're not treading the slippery edge of a cliff, constantly at risk of falling off.

That cliff is not right next to you, rather, it's some distance away, on the other side of a busy highway, guarded by fences. It takes conscious effort to get past all those obstacles and approach the cliff edge.

And each individual step in that direction, is not just morally dubious -- it's a sacrifice of one's dignity and credibility. Every observer knows exactly what you're up to. Eyes will roll.

Thoughts?

 

To carry on with Borla's analogy, some people like to swim in a pool. A ladder can be used to climb out and a towel can be used to dry you off.

 

I think a lot of us are like this. But finding yourself drawn toward something doesn't mean it'hat s possible.

Very often, when I'm shaving, I find myself wondering what Bill Gates does. He probably doesn't re-use disposable shavers. Does he have a barber on staff?

But imagining myself in a billionaire's shoes (slippers?) doesn't entail much risk that I will become one.

Women make advances on you? This is completely outside my experience as a married man.

Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I imagine that I am about as successful in my career as you are in yours. Very different contexts, admittedly.

I'm guessing you are downplaying your attractiveness a bit!

 

I agree very much with what Borla said.

On a personal note, and this in my mind has very much to do with where I live, there are almost constantly plenty of opportunities to do the wrong thing, if one lets themselves to be drawn to it even slightly.

Neither do I think one has to look like Colton Rosenbusch (hi @Plan9 ) to garner attention from the ladies.

 

Maybe you haven't given enough thought to the fact that your experiences are far from universal. Some people get hit on more than others, for many reasons. You might live in an area where there are plenty of other fish, or you might live in an area with slim pickings. In areas where there are slim pickings there tend to be more competition for mates, even married ones.

You may be very lucky to be in a situation where such temptations don't happen. Good for you, you have an easier time staying honest. Even this schlub of a Cayvmann has been hit on, multiple times... It's hard not to respond.

 

I would argue that marriage has little bearing on whether or not Person x fucks around on the side or not.

 

Totally agree.

I have acquaintances that will bed any who'll give them attention, but for some reason, can't abide NOT being married. Serial bridegrooms, constant horndogs. Not everyone is monogamous by nature, even if they won't admit it to themselves.

I will admit that young and stupid grumpy managed to remain faithful often by sheer dumb luck. I am ever grateful for that. My immature self could have made a lot of bad memories. Older and wiser(?) grumpy knows what is good in his life and has no desire to compromise the situation.

 

I don't want to remain "faithful" by sheer dumb luck.

I want a partner that'll drain my balls as I desire.

Hey, let's hope this idea isn't just silly fantasy.

 

You are smarter and more mature than I was at your age. I got lucky. You won't have to. It is not a silly fantasy. It is reality if you and your partner wish it to be. And it's pretty cool.

 

Yeah, things'll be great until I tell her I wanna go back to screwing punk rawk brunettes.

Giggity.

 

Heh. Those punk rawk brunettes were nearly my downfall. How did you guess?

 

I guess this is one of those threads where we each get to trot out our personal theories about the world.

I acknowledge the kind of situations that Borla described, where a very emotionally close friendship can gradually become an extramarital affair, or where chemical intoxication leads otherwise level-headed people to do crazy things.

Beyond that, though, I still think infidelity usually happens because a married man actively seeks it out. I have personally seen many, many married men doing this when their wives are not nearby. And single women tell me they are constantly being hit on by married men.

Contrary to what y'all seem to be assuming, I'm not suffering from a deficit of confidence or other positive traits. Because of what I do, I hold and project a great deal of authority in my community. Moreover, I am both very tall and bearded.

I've been married (just once) for almost a quarter century now. And as I said at the outset, it has been very easy to remain 100% faithful, simply by not going prowling.

I am still a little flummoxed at the concept of middle-aged married men having to fend off salacious advances from women. Actors, musicians, sports stars, billionaires, celebrities, sure. But ordinary, middle-class, balding, paunchy, married guys? Maybe in their dreams.

 

That's how this place works, really. That and random unrelated gonzo porno pics (that will eventually get someone fired) posted in otherwise mundane discussion threads.

Eh, ordinary doesn't have to mean unattractive. It's wildly subjective. Some woman out there absolutely SuperSoakers her bloomers for dudes that look like George Constanza. It's the law of probability (and bizarre fetishes), my friend.

There are plenty of ordinary people--male and female--that manage to get several different shots of ass in their lifetime regardless their marital status. And this statement assumes that women have a lower sex drive and better self control.

As it goes on TFP: We're all equally horny and all equally fallible. Men and women, gay and straight, young and old, single and married, wanna fuck. And they often fuck up going about doing this in a respectful way to their current partner(s).

/PC'd

#HomewreckersBusinessTravelersCougarsPoolboysBabysittersTFPDOM #HotelBarsCraigslistAirportBathroomStall

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Generally speaking:

Based on a lot of threads I've seen over the years it seems to me that it is more difficult to talk to your partner about your unfulfilled sexual desires than it is to cheat on them.

Drunk-fucking a compatible friend at an office party or some trashy romance novel infidelity is common but the real issue would be communication with the current partner.

/TFP: Talk about your Fucking Problem