polyamory.

My comment can apply to both, but mostly polyamorous relationships for this thread.
--- merged: Dec 8, 2013 at 10:01 AM ---

I learned from one of the best, Plan9.

 

Well, the thing is, several people in this thread have been in or are currently in these relationships happily. Some others have discussed ones they've known about, the good, the bad, their interests, their reservations, etc. I was trying to give you the opportunity to explain your statement a little instead of taking a drive-by shit on the idea.

 

Possibly you're projecting.

 

What isn't a house of cards these days? Marriage, employment, health, money. I've seen them all go up in flames in a matter of days - in my life and the lives of others. But the prospect of a poly relationship not lasting is supposed to have a chilling effect.

 

You and me both, sister.


One word: Patchouli.

 

Four words: Patchouli and body odor.

 

Actually, I don't mind body odor. I kind of like it.

 

ok, so i think i've read most of these, with the exception of snowy's article. sorry babe. i can't read about katniss (catniss?) and poly. ruins the fairytale of the movies. haven't read the books.

so, first i think we have to define a few terms. like slut.

for me, a slut is a woman having sex in order to win approval from society, via reputation, status, money, etc. thus i would have to say that a woman who is sexually gregarious is not necessarily a slut, and frequently is not. she's a sexually active woman. who isn't interested in the white picket fence, the 2-1/2 kids with the dog and the cat. she just wants to get laid, and as mixed pointed out, possibly vary her interactions with others whilst doing so.

as far as poly goes, i think that they are much like other relationships. individual and unique. do what works for you, and don't feel the need to apologize or necessarily categorize.

here's the thing: don't be emotionally reckless. which is what i think kills most relationships, ultimately. making promises you're not ready to keep. putting yourself or others in situations that can't be handled, or that have ulterior motives that are not disclosed.

in the end, poly requires absolute honesty. and most people just can't do that, because they lack internal honesty, which means that they can't have external honesty. you can't broadcast a signal that's not there.

personally, i'm not for or against poly relationships, but i think it's so contrary to our normal social messaging that it's bound to cause issues in most cases.

but so it goes.

/pig

 

That's just about the most truthful thing I've read in months.

 

I apologize for the wording of my recent comments, I'm having some family issues that are knotting my stomach and darkening my mood.

I think that in my earlier comments I said that polyamory wasn't impossible, but would be difficult for many (certainly not all) people, and that I could see problems developing as the relationship went on. Rosy at first, not so rosy later, just like any relationship be it mono or poly. I stand by those thoughts.

 

chris:

you don't know me, but i've been here a long time. your comments, on my recent review, were not a problem.

just don't insinuate that frisky wimmins are sluts, and we'll be cool.

shit, they're doing us a huge favor, and we're going to JUDGE THEM NEGATIVELY FOR IT????

fucking knock me over with a feather. misogyny, hold on to your boxers.

give me a woman that'll eat me alive and make me thank her. why can't men be thankful when they get what they want?

/pig

 

Pig, FWIW/WGAS?, I'm not a newbie, and I'm not an 'old timer.' I used to be active on TFP 4.

To my knowledge I've never said or implied that women who are sexually assertive & active are sluts. The recent thread about assertive women is worth reading, and my replies to the 4/5 questions presented can be summed up as---If it's your thing, ladies, go for it.

Threads are only as good as the responses. I think that on TFP we sometimes see skewed views, too rosy so to say, of alternate lifestyles (I dislike that term, but I can't think of a better one). I'm not critisizing and I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just that sometimes I see an imbalance in the replies. Over time the imbalance can lead to other issues.

Of course my perspective is affected my experience, inexperience, past situations, current situations, etc......just like everyone else who posts replies.

 

skewed views of alternate lifestyles? too rosy?

Sounds like straight up bias to me, because you can't possibly know how anyone else's experience is playing out. Are you living anyone else's life? Or just your own?

 

MM, with all due respect, I'm seeing some straight up bias myself. You appear to be responding to the portions of my post that "pushed your buttons" while ignoring the rest of what I wrote.

I have some questions of my own: Am I not allowed to post how I sometimes see things? Are "I agree" posts the only ones that are acceptable? Have I posted a diatribe that states that my views are the only correct ones?

 

yeah, I ignored the part where you said that it wasn't a critical or negative thing. No one said anything about posts having to be acceptable to me. Are you saying that my responses have to be acceptable to you? I mean, come on. I think my response was reasonable and far less inflammatory than your initial statement. You seem intent on comparing traditional and alternative lifestyles as if there were some overwhelming evidence that one is more successful than the other when there is no way you can make that determination off of anything other than your own bias and your own limited experience. That's not something that I necessarily have to accept. It's debatable.

 

I'm not concerned about our posts being acceptable to each other. We either agree to respectfully disagree, or we simply disagree.

As to my "bias," I have acknowledged, more than once in this thread, and in other threads, that are no gaurantees of success in relationships be they mono, poly, or whatever. That said, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to think that the more people involved in a realtionship the greater the chance for problems to develop. As you said, there's no evidence and it's debatable.

Other than my short clearly snitty comment, for which I have apologized, I stand by my thoughts re polyamory and the slant that I perceive, be it real or imagined. My views are my views. If I haven't explained them clearly by now, I'm beating my head against the proverbial wall. Some of the fault lies with my writing, some of falls on the state of mind of the those reading it. We all have our bisases, consciously and subconsciously.

I am now out of this thread.

 

We can agree to disagree. As for bias in this thread, I think perceptions have been fairly mixed. This is assuming, of course, you are talking about poly lifestyles as a whole and not my description of my own experiments with it. If it is the latter then, yeah, you might want to decide how much you're willing to throw behind your opinion because I'm going to argue with it.

 

chris:

no offense intended. i didn't recognize the handle, but as you know length of time posting is no metric of importance in these parts. only stating that i don't know you well enough to know your backstory, so my comments might miss the mark.

generally speaking, i agree with many of the points you are making. when i made my comments, they weren't necessarily aimed at you, but they just amalgamated in that fashion.

to sum up: if poly works for you, then go for it. but be ready for melodrama out the ass.

we agree?

 

OK, MM, you drew me back in. I'm guessing that you have that effect on men . Believe or not, I usually like our back-and-forth.

Fairly mixed? Hmm. I won't lie, I'd need to re-read this thread, and I'm probably not the only one who would benefit from doing so. That's not a dig at you or anyone in particular, I honestly think that some things have gotten blurred as this thread progressed.

FTR, I've been referring to polyamory as LTRs. Poly sex-only relationships with separation between the parties (except for the obvious ) would be a completely different thing from poly LTRs where all parties were closely involved with each other.
--- merged: Dec 10, 2013 at 4:04 PM ---

Agree totally. Pig, you have a way with words (that's a compliment, BTW).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This isn't directed to anyone in particular, and I include myself in this statement:

Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, and some times they stink.

 

yup.