No Children

I wish I could have been here for the beginning of this tailor-made thread. Mrs. Warrrreagl and I have no children, and we never will. I have three siblings, two of whom have kids and the other does not. The sister who does not have kids is very close to me, as she and I have gone through a lot of the same "kid pressure" from family and friends.

Even though I was a highly successful elementary school teacher for 12 years, I get the obligatory "you don't know jackshit about kids because you don't have any of your own" bullshit constantly. I know that a lot of childless people THINK they know what it takes to raise a kid properly, but the usual argument is that they would fold within the first day, because they have no frame of reference for what it takes to deal with a kid all day, everyday. Well, that argument crashes and burns with me, because I know EXACTLY what it's like to deal with a whole room full of kids all damn day, day after day, year after year. In fact, I believe that I know a lot more about dealing with kids than most of the parents I've met, and I think Mrs. Warrrr and I would have made excellent parents, had we chosen that path.

I know that the old warrrreagl had a pretty rough reputation at the old place for hating kids, but that's not entirely accurate. Almost exclusively, I hate the lousy parents of rotten kids instead of hating the kids.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to push them down when they're not looking.

 

You're a child at heart .

 

Baraka_Guru and I must be mutated clones of each other. My SO has been teaching for a decade in every grade level from kindergarten through college in what is arguably the most difficult arena: non-English speakers. She spends more time with said children than many lower income parents do. She's worked in the no-shit ghetto as well as richie-richville. She's seen all kinds of children and parents in her time and has decided that kids are not for her. She's basically already raised a generation's worth from toddlers to teenagers and doesn't need one at home to make her feel complete.

If anybody was trained and equipped to be the Forces Especial of Motherparenthooding, it would be her. But she's got zero interest.

And yet a lot of people refer to said field as the "Mommy Degree," suggesting that its what housewives chase down.

For my current woman? Complete opposite. She has kids at work... and likes to leave them there.

 

Bravo. You're such a poet. You must be a smash at all the dinner parties. Sir Baraka of Smoking Jacket. Top drawer, old bean.

 

I don't see any issue with people of at least fair intelligence deciding not to have kids. Doesn't change that I want 1-2 of my own hellspawn, and both types of decisions are fine.

But I can't help being constantly reminded of how true the theory in Idiocracy is, whenever I come across this thread.

 

A few months back I had it in my head that I wanted to start a thread on choosing to be child free, forgetting at the time that this one already existed and that I'd already read through it as a whole, depositing likes here and there to posts that echoed my own sentiments.

There's no particular reason that I've decided to revive this, other than a desire to share two very well written articles I read recently about that very choice. Each one is lengthy, but given the progression of this thread I find them well worth reading. They may also speak to the previously stated perception that the pressure to have kids isn't so widespread outside the OP's own familial circle.

The choice to be child-free is admirable, not selfish | Jill Filipovic | Comment is free | theguardian.com

Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal - Jessica Valenti - The Atlantic

Speaking for my own experience, the only pressure I've ever felt to have kids came from my ex, some members of my extended family and mutual friends as our social circle progressed toward childbearing age. As women approaching and entering our thirties, we got the question more and more frequently, "So, (when) are you guys having kids?," but never from my immediate family. If anything, my mom discouraged it several years ago, at a time when my ex had expressed serious interest either in bearing a child (or more) for us or adopting, and I had foolishly and hesitantly agreed to go along with it. Mom told me, "It would be really difficult for you." She's not necessarily wrong (she'd have been more right if we lived in Florida or something). But that's not why I don't want kids.

True, for years I had little to no confidence in my own ability to be a parent or a mother. Even holding my nieces in infancy freaked me the fuck out—I was convinced I'd somehow crush their soft skull bones by accident because I was holding them wrong. Beyond that, though, I've never really felt a mothering impulse, nor the drive to further my own genetic line (honestly, animals make my ovaries explode far more than tiny humans do). I hate the toll that humanity has taken on the planet. Overpopulation is not something I take lightly, and I frankly don't want to have a hand in contributing to it. I also don't know that this world, or what it will become in the lifetime of the next generation, will be something I'd want to bring children into. But even if I didn't feel strongly about my reasons for not wanting kids, and even if I were willing to foolishly set them aside because my partner desperately wanted to have children—which was what I thought I was ready to do only a few years ago—it's still not simple enough just to let it happen and embrace the opportunity it brings. Being in an exclusive lesbian relationship complicates matters where parenthood is concerned because there isn't really a way to "just get pregnant." Even being "accidentally" impregnated by a man would require going out and finding one. Otherwise, whether it's with a sperm donor or through adoption or whatnot, the entire process requires deliberate action, planning, forethought—all of which, I think, just made the process harder to stomach for me and made me more reluctant to get involved.

I am happy with my decision. I am happy to no longer be in a relationship where I disagree with the other person about whether or not we should have kids, where either one of us would need to make that much of a compromise for the other's benefit in order to resolve the question of parenthood. And as far as this video is concerned, I'm very glad not to know.

 

Whoa....my life has changed quite a bit in a year.

Still don't really want to get married, but being pregnant is pretty cool.

 

And you didn't even have to prove you're better than a teenage drug addict!

(which you totally are, obviously)

 

To each his own

 

Many of us are never meant to be just "breeders"

 

I was not wanting t to have children because I thought I would fail add a parent as well. But I had to do it.... I love it now at times but I am still in fear of failure. But after a point one gets used to it. .......

 

I've got no problem with this list.

 

Cursing around my kids, er, um, no, of course not.

 

Nor were some of us meant to be just "breathers."

 

That only happens when parents give over the raising of their kids to Nickelodeon and Disney. I spent time with my daughter, and watched TV with her, and taughte her to read and so forth. Also to put up her toys (which I kept down to what she would actually play with and not just throw on the floor).

Parenting (done right) is hard work, and I'm glad I did it ONCE. I am suspecting the new wife is infertile, for which I'm glad, since I'm too old for this crap again...

 

Yeah, parenting isn't for everybody. Even those who actually want kids. It isn't a part time job. As all my kids are now either in university or about to finish high school, I'm almost in the situation where the scenario that Baraka describes is foreign territory. Treehouse TV? uh uh. Can't take that shit. Dora ? I'm so glad I don't have to deal with stuff like that. I don't mind helping out with tuition, having challenging moral discussions - it's rather engaging living and dealing with my grown children. I actually enjoy their company.

When My 21 year old travels to Australia this Feb to attend university, I will go with him for a couple of weeks to help him settle in. We both are looking forward to that.

I don't view myself as a breeder. But having kids sure was a wild ride and I like that they like me.

 

People who don't have kids make too much of having kids or, alternatively, make too little of it. Very rarely do they hit on the right mixture of mundanity and periodic drama/excitement that it really is. In fact, they miss the mundanity almost completely in favor of stereotypes about the things you're always thinking or worrying about. Folks may not want to believe this, but that friend that you loved before she had a baby who seemed to "change" into an annoying mother overnight, was always annoying. She was just annoying about things that you understand.