I could totally share a man.

I'm pretty sure I could live in a group type household. My last marriage was polyamourous, and I don't often get jealous. In fact, I suppose I did kind of live in this situation, though I didn't think about it at the time. I spent around a year or so living with my lifelong best (male) friend and my ex-wife. I know they slept together occasionally, and it didn't bother me. We were just one big happy family. My current marriage is not, I'm happy with my wife, and if me being with anyone else would make her jealous or insecure, then I have no desire to do so. I've always been a big fan of Heinlein, and I think books like Stranger in a Strange Land and The Moon is Harsh Mistress had significant impact on my views on love and marriage.

 

Also, to be fair and balanced (heh), I don't think I'm super-easy to know or understand. It could be annoying to hear me singing or doing the faux Jonathan Winters-Robin Williams routine. Also when enthused, I can be um, boisterous. So to put it simply, I'm a handful (not talking sex). It would take a special group for me to mesh with.
I would consider a communal arrangement. That thought has appealed to me and living in the summer with various permutations of adults and children has given me some exposure to it. Sexually though, no. I totally wouldn't want anyone's, to be crass, sloppy seconds.

 

It doesn't have to be crass or sloppy. Why would anyone want that?

 

I did not get this I mean I did not literally understand this

 

Crude term denoting having sex with someone right after they had sex with someone else. Sloppy could be anything from saliva to cum, lady juice what have you.
--- merged: Oct 25, 2013 at 8:12 PM ---

I meant I was being crass using the term "sloppy seconds."

Maybe because I'm prone to picking up whatever bug is going around but the hygienic aspects here escape me. Higher exposure to an intermixing population--all under the same roof. Not that different than a bug running through a large family from member "A" to member "I".

I don't disdain anyone for the sexual preferences but for me alone, having multiple sex partners isn't attractive. Certainly I've gone through stages when single of heavily dating but even then, I found it confusing--especially emotionally.

 

That's not what I'm talking about in regards to this situation. I think you've got the wrong impression.

But, I can tell you this. I will never feel like sloppy seconds. I don't care what or who transpired before I got there. No one can make me feel like that.

 

I think MM is taking a very different proposition: ""multiple cohabitation sharing responsibilities (finances, housework, children, etc.), camaraderie, problem-solving, emotional support

 

EDIT/ Re-read the OP.
I think I understand. A one-man, 2-3 woman household for example, with shared everything pretty much. No, it simply holds no appeal. I would say too that though I'm big on care-giving, I'm not great at sharing.

 

I get you, but it's not all about the sex. And yes, if multiple people are living in the same home then they will be sharing their bugs, whether they are sleeping together or not. Just like any other family.

 

I just realised!

The question could equally be about whether I could accept sharing Joniemack with other men. I'd assumed I would be the one to be shared.

For the avoidance of doubt, I'm not keen on that idea either.

She could probably cope, though. The bitch.

 

It would be interesting to hear from lurkette and stellaluna on this. Does anyone know if they are still together? As for me, I think jealousy would ensue. At least in the beginning with two women I would be stressed out from feeling like I have to give equal attention to both. And I'm insecure enough that I would be worried about another man, that I wasn't pulling my weight or equal. Sex is different. I have no problem sharing there.

 

Interesting ruling coming out of Utah.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/15/us/a-utah-law-prohibiting-polygamy-is-weakened.html

 

I have also thought about this often myself and I also have watched sister wives since it first began. I really dont know if I could do it or not because I can get jealous but then I also like my alone-time, space, freedom, privacy...... I think it would depend on the strength and trust of my relationships with the others?

 

What comes to my mind is the former members here in a very happy MFF triad, who are not posting anymore BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO DAMNED BUSY HAVING A GREAT LIFE.

To examine MM's original question; I honestly believe I could be in a plural marriage/household as long as everyone else was happy too.

I'm not possessive, or sexually jealous, that I know of.

I think it's important to remember that lots of relationships founder when there is a disparity in sexual need, and if the triad has three heterosexual members AAB of roughly equal levels of interest, there's always going to be one of gender A left short changed (but it might not be the same one all the time).

Obviously these issues vanish if the desire of A+A = B, or if A and A can satisfy each other, or if they happily play as ABA, or any other configuration.

I suppose my point is that I could LIVE with 2 other adults.

One thing that I wonder about is where a plural family in a society not used to it has children, how does the society handle that. The point is, in a liberal and loving world, there would be no stigma attached to being that child, but I know that in this time and place that the children could well be stigmatised unfairly for choices they didn't make.

The world, sadly is full of cunts.

 

When I was in my early 20's (i'm 31 now) I was in (relatively) long-term relationships two girls concurrently and self-labeled as poly. They weren't in a relationship with each other and we all lived separately (we were all students at the time). T, not knowing whether or not to call herself poly or monogamous, dated a few men while we were together. Overall, I think she was confused about who she was (as most of us are) and I know she resented me for not wanting to be monogamous with her, even though she would never say it and has only ever dated guys since. S knew she was monogamous but wanted to be with me. After T decided to leave, S and I ended up in a two year quasi-monogamous relationship (where pretty much anything besides sex or commitment with another girl was permitted), and when we decided to end our relationship my heart was broken and it took me a long time to get over it.

Since then i've always thought of myself as being able to go both ways... as far as numbers are concerned. Between S and my current girlfriend (who, coincidentally, has a name that also begins with an S, so this is where the initials stop) I dated multiple girls at the same time, and always told them about my non-monogamy, but nothing ever got past that non-serious dating phase. Although we're going through a rocky spot right now (which is something I think I need to talk about here as well, perhaps i'll make another post), my current gf and I have been together monogamously for over 3 years... but we've talked a lot of non-monogamy and the possibility of having a sexual relationship with another girl or FF couple if the situation were to feel right. Not sure if it will ever happen. We actually both enjoying watching Sister Wives, and have said that we want to start watching Big Love.

I have no inherent problems with any form of non-monogamy, as long as all participants are consenting adults. For myself, if I were to ever be a part of a polyamorous relationship again, I would want all participants to be both sexual with each other and committed to each other. Ie - a triangle. The relationship that I had with T and S (okay, sorry for going back to the initials) was what the poly community would term a "V" arrangement, where I was with both girls but they weren't with each other. I would even consider being in a relationship with more than 2 other girls, but the possibility of finding 3 other girls that were all lesbian/bi and all clicked in that way would be close to zero. Personally, I think it's much easier to be Poly in the straight world.

I consider myself to be a communal person though, and I would also consider having a living together (not sexual) arrangement with another (probably lesbian) couple. Right now it's just me and my girl living together, and I like our arrangement (love our apartment), but part of me misses having lots of people/roomates around. My gf and I actually met another lesbian couple in October, and the way the 4 of us have clicked in a matter of months is crazy. There's nothing sexual happening between the couples, but we all just really enjoy our new bond. There's been talk of what it might be like to all live in the same house (wanting to hang out and share resources during a recent power outage probably spurred the discussion) but I may be the only one who actually sees something like that working. We'll see.

 

The only poly relationship like I've ever seen close up was a group one in a commune.
There were four men and five woman who were living in a huge log cabin with a couple of outbuildings.
They had four kids who called them all mom and dad.
It was interesting from my perspective being the same age as the kids.
They seemed very happy and loving.
The open nonsexist interplay and the fact that the commune still exists suggests to me that they succeeded.

 

I think the dynamics of a true plural marriage are difficult, and becomes more difficult with more males and more people in the mix. MFF seems to be the most stable, and it goes down hill from there. Thats not to say it can't work or never does, only that its more difficult and finding the "right" people more difficult.

I've been active in swinger discussions for years, and there is a good overlap with poly there. From what I've seen with poly, so few are "true" poly but more 2+1 or 2+2 style.

My personal thought is that with poly, when something is bad outside of your relationship, its really great because its a real support group. When something is a problem INSIDE your relationship, it can make things more complicated.

 

Because this:

 

I'm with you on that. More than one at a time was too much for me. I don't personally have the mental equipment, or it's not calibrated correctly, for many partners. I'm also an introvert and have few friends for pretty much the same reason. But, whatever floats your boat. I don't have to understand it to know it works for others.
--- merged: Mar 21, 2014 at 10:15 PM ---
That goes for housemates as well. I can't deal with too many people.