I could totally share a man.

Polyamory. Polygamy. Polyandry.

For some reason I have been thinking about plural marriage/cohabitation lately. I watched some episodes of this reality show, can't remember the name of it now, about a mormon plural family and while, of course, I have no interest in the religion part of it, the idea of sharing a life with a man and with two or three other women - a committed partnership in life - appeals to me. I don't have any sexual feelings for women (as much as I've tried) but I do work well with and enjoy the company of women. At least, a certain type of women. I could see myself successful in a plural marriage.

I see advantages in multiple cohabitation sharing responsibilities (finances, housework, children, etc.), camaraderie, problem-solving, emotional support. I'm not jealous. As long as everyone was on the same page, I would be totally cool with 'sharing the man.' In fact, the idea of having my own room that I share just a few nights a week is very appealing.

The big catch, though, would be that everyone would have to be stable and into it for the same reasons. It's hard enough to find one partner that is likeable and reliable - try 3 or 4. Everyone would have to understand and agree that it's not about sex or some kooky spiritual thing, but about love and community.

I shouldn't have started this this morning because I really don't have time to make this OP complete, but I can save some observations for later. Just wanted to put it out there while I was thinking about it - again.

What is your take on plural marriage/cohabitation?
Could you do it?

 

I understand. But your statements seem to assume that people would treat each other badly. I don't think it would be impossible to find good people who 'get it.' Even I'm not that cynical.

As far as jealousy goes, i've found i can control that by state of mind. If i don't attach possessive feelings to a partner, i don't feel jealous. And i think letting go of that feeling of owning another person is all in all a good thing - whether you are monogamous or not.

 

I too believe it can work for the right people. A good friend of mine has considered himself polyamorous for years and, I think, has always been happiest and in his healthiest relationships with partners who felt the same way about it as he does.

I thought about it in the past, likely for the wrong reasons, but personally it's a no go: I think I'm far too possessive and prone to jealousy and insecurity—or at least have been most of my adult life—for it to work for me long term.

 

i too dont have a lot of time to give this post justice. But i wanted to put it out there that, MM, whenever you want, you could join my Harem. ..And you dont have to worry about the kooky spiritual stuff either. My wife rekons she'll walk if i ever decided to take a 2nd wife. i dont get what the fuss is all about.

in saying that, my uncle is married to two wives. He is a very devout muslim. One lives in Sydney, and the other in Lebanon. He travels between both countries and has kids with both women. It was overwhelming at first, but the first wife got over it and things are sweet now. More on this later.

 

I think I could but the bigger question remains, could everyone else share? It would take a near perfect combination of partners for this to be successful. Over the long term, this becomes very complex. But over a short term basis, yes. I definitely could.

In the MBTI personality thread, I posted a throw away quiz that determines what state you should live in based on your personality. Mine is Utah. Maybe I'm a latent Mormon.

 

For me, no, I couldn't see it working even under the best circumstances. I don't think that I would able to maintain more than one relationship at a time.

I could see things starting off well enough for folks seriously willing to give it try, but I can also see a very strong chance of things going sour despite the best of intentions.

Of course it could be that my "conservative" Texas roots are more plentiful & run deeper than I realize or care to admit.

 

All responses so far are with people considering MF^x, why not more than one male sharing a female?

I wouldn't do it because, lol, it's me. I can't even handle one.

 

I think I'd be happier living with two men than another woman, but I wouldn't be vehemently opposed to either. I have fantasized about falling asleep with someone on either side of me--not in a sexual way, although I wouldn't rule it out, but just...warm and comfy and snuggly.

I think the important thing would be balance and communication. If I felt like two people were ganging up on me, or freezing me out, I'd continually stay in defensive mode, and that wouldn't be much fun for anyone.

I would not be happy with more than three people, unless it was a "we don't all live together" kind of thing. I need my downtime and my space.

 

I have absolutely no problem with the idea of plural marriage. To me, if you think about it - it is no different than the people that end up divorced and married to a string of people - they are just having all the marriages at once. Seems to make sense to me, in that your "prime" isn't "used up " all on one marriage. It also seems to me that it would be nice to HAVE the break - not to have someone in your face all the time, but still have them - AND others, that you can count on to be there when you need them, and to share duties with (for certain things). For those familiar with the "Sister Wives" program and the Brown family - I'm very much a "Janelle" -Not the first wife and have to "break him in", but come into play a few years in, with a good job, and stability of my own - and be one of the family "breadwinners". I could totally rock that position - that being said - Plural marriage would NOT be for me. I acknowledge my weaknesses as well as my strengths, and I DO NOT share well. Not toys, not tape dispensers, certainly not a spouse. Were I to be in HIS position - and be the one with plural spouses - um, yeah, no. Sure the variety might be interesting, but the financial aspect of it... ouch.... Besides it has me at the fringes of my sanity to keep on top of ONE relationship and all it entails, no way I could maintain stability in a plural household, in either role. But to those that have the stability and sense of self not to get lost in something like that - rock on - you have my support.

 

I had interest in it in past
But lately I had failed in every relationship starting with my parents. I cannot meet anyone's expectation. I only hope I don't fail too badly with my baby boy at least until he is a adult....
Having said that I think I guess I am not am not capable of such greater experiences in this life

In this life if mom or brother or wife can be truly happy about me that would be a miracle

 

The fantasy version of having two bisexual women that loved each other and me is an interesting concept. I think the level of communication and the ability to do more things since there are more people to help out would be beneficial.

I understand why society doesn't like it, since you would get a bunch of angry single guys who aren't getting any if the top 10% of guys could have multiple women and then improve their lives with multiple paychecks.

It is when arguments come up or the perception of favoritism that would be a problem. And I think raising kids in that type of situation would be a challenge too.

Wasn't there a TFP member a few years ago that was in a relationship like this?

 

Personally, no thanks. Working through the cohabitation thing with one other adult is hard enough.

Having my sister-in-law as a temporary houseguest is adequately painful. I can't imagine tossing sex into the mix.

 

Yeah, where the hell is ratbastid?

 

I guess i have a really unique perspective on this because i actually think communication and maintenance of the relationship(s) would be easier than a one-on-relationship where perspectives tend to be more individualistic and rigid. Of course, i have a point of view that would see this sort of arrangement as a positive thing and, of course, the other people involved would have to share that same perspective. Someone who is manipulative and plays games would not be involved in the first place.

 

Lots of women and almost all men irritate the shit out of me, also. It's all I can do to have one relationship. I'm to introverted to share myself that much, much less my spouse.

 

Good point. Every Friday, I'm all "god, get out of my face and go play Magic already!"