How to stop feeling jealous of car models?

I have two "stereotypes" of men that I will (discreetly...uh, most of the time) drool over: surfer dudes and cowboys. Something about both looks just...melts me. I learned fairly early on in my 20s, however, that I have nothing in common with them, and trying to date them always, always ended in disaster (I could also say the same thing about guitarists, but there isn't one specific "look" there, so we'll skip that for now.)

Now, my man is not a surfer dude or a cowboy. But I can promise you, he turns me on more than any of my above-mentioned "eye candy." I'm willing to bet your man feels the same about you. While it may be true that "men want car models" (and that's not entirely true: some men do, and some men don't), that's not really important. The important thing is that YOUR man doesn't--he wants you.

Speaking as someone who had an ex tell her daily (for years) that she would never be pretty enough and never be thin enough and never be what he wanted physically-- I've dealt with some major self-esteem issues over the years. I was never confident about the men I dated (or just slept with), because I had been "trained," so to speak, to believe that they weren't flirting with me, or hanging out with me, or going to bed with me because they were attracted to me; they were doing so because they believed I was an easy target because I wasn't pretty.

I still have some issues, I'm aware of that. But--this year, especially, I've done some things that I am exceptionally proud of. I'm more confident in myself, and less likely to worry about if I'm "hot enough." And frankly, yes, there are always going to be women who are prettier than I am, and sure, my boyfriend may or may not check them out. But appreciating how another woman looks has nothing to do with how he feels about me, and about us. I get that now--I didn't when I was younger.


My point, after all this rambling, is-- maybe he does think other women are hot. That's not a big deal. The big deal is, he's coming home to YOU, and he's doing that for a reason.

 

A post well worth quoting!

 

I think it's also important to point out that 'car models' are just women, too. They get insecure, they feel ugly sometimes and they get dumped by their boyfriends/husbands for other women. Having men think you are attractive is fun sometimes, but you can't live on it. One way it might help to get your confidence up, is to bring your perception of what 'car models' are down.

 

Thought I'd point out that skiers are pretty much a combination of the two ... not that I know any.

 

Why is it stupid? Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? It might be worth a look simply for the conversations it can start. One of the "languages" is words of affirmation. He may simply just not realize that words mean to you what physical touch or doing things might mean to him.

I love my husband dearly but he is horrible about ever saying anything about my appearance or even any sort of verbal compliment. He wasn't raised to around it, and the words don't validate things for him, so we have had to have a conversation about this ourselves. 5

 

Fixed it for you.

 

Wow that is a must read for me and more for my wife (I read snowy's comment too)
Thanks a lot

 

OK, I've read a bunch of reviews and excerpts posted online, and while the general idea of "figure out how your partner communicates" is good, this book is nuts. First of all, I don't believe that most of his anecdotes happened anywhere outside of his own head, and the advice to women in abusive relationships is abhorrent; even if you throw out the "give your husband more sex and he won't be verbally abusive" bit, his advice combined with the overarching theme that "the best marriage is a marriage as I think the bible defines it," and following his advice will serve only to give an abusive partner new methods of control and reinforce in the victim's mind that they deserve it because they are not fulfilling their role.

 

I think half the issue with books of this type is the author pads out something that could be a 5-10 page pamphlet into a 150 page book. Having said that, in general, the principles of different communication types in this book seem quite sound. My wife is definitely "words of affirmation" and "acts of service", while I'm much more "physical touch". Even our children - the oldest is physical touch", while the youngest is "acts of service". You can see this when they do something with/for you.

 

I guess I should have put a disclaimer that my experiences with the 5 love languages was my husband and I both taking the online quiz, and then comparing our results. I have not read the book itself. But.. like I said, it is still a great conversation starter!

 

We sell so many of those love languages books at the store. There's the regular one, the men's one, the teen one... it's a little ridiculous.

 

he is squeezing the lemon for all it is worth.

 

Oh, that seems pretty harmless, and probably helpful.

 

My wife is okay with me looking at other women. I don't ogle ( or try not to ), but if an attractive lady catches my eye, I don't try to hide the fact that I'm looking. I've also told her that it's not something that I am going to stop. I also look at my wife a lot. She's quite attractive and I tell her so quite often. The fact that she believes I mean it gives her more confidence when I look.

I've also told her my theory ( not scientific ) that there are so many types of attractive looking people that you'd have to be messed up in the head to not occasionally look. That doesn't mean any of them are more attractive to me than her. They are not.

By the way, she's free to look at other people too, men and women. She's attracted to both.

The thing I get jealous of is her actual interactions with another person, but I'm working on that...

 

I certain that meme pre-dates the internet. I got sent home one day while in high school for wearing a t-shirt with more or less the same statement.

As for much of the rest of the discussion- for me the bottom line really is whats in her head first but I still have to find her physical attractive. On top of that a lady could be really, really physically attractive in my eyes yet come across as (insert- needy, crazy, seriously low self esteem, pushy, overly demanding, unintelligent etc...) and within five minutes of conversation with her and I'll usually know she's not my type. I say usually because after my divorce I saw several ladies who at first seems like pretty good matches and at some point it became obvious "wow, yeah not a good connection at all." Sometimes that happened quickly and other times that took a while. I don't think my experience is unique at all either. I can't think of any friend who hasn't had at least one relationship that started out 'whoa she/he is prefect!" and later "Whoa He/she sucks!" How much later always varies greatly. I've had- wow great, crazy behavior "What's going on?" "well could be because I ran out of my medication." "Medication, like for migraines or?" "oh, no it's just Prozac. I stopped taking it because around you I don't really need it." No lady you need it. I went on a coffee afternoon date where i thought "she seems really interesting and she's easy on the eyes (plus she speaks English natively) this could be very promising." In conversation I found out she buys and sells furniture from the big resort in Cancun. Buys it in Cancun and sells it here in Merida. I thought that's sounds like a really smart business idea but wonder why she didn't just sell it in and around Cancun so I asked "You buy it in Cancun but sell it here, why?" I assumed the answer would be "a lot of people do this in Cancun, market is flooded" or "I have connections here because..." To my surprise the answer was "oh, too many blacks and Jews to deal with in Cancun." Check please!

I now find myself in a relationship where I feel really, really comfortable. Coming up on two years now. She's smart, funny, attractive, well traveled and enjoys travel, like adventurous stuff- diving, skydiving, trekking through unknown parts of the jungle. So overall, for me, it's been really good. But she and I do not come from the same culture so there's been few issues related or due to this fact. She needs constant contact. I grew up in a home where by age 8 handshakes replaced hugs. She needs to hear and say "I love you" 30-40 times a day. She'll be doing work with a two foot stack of paper next to her here in the house and about every 10-15 mins. state "love you." At first I thought maybe she's more insecure then I realize. After spending time with her family and friends it seems like it's more of a local common thing. At parties other couples will routinely state "I love you" to their partner every time they move, get another snack/drink, return from a conversation with someone else. It doesn't seem to be all of Mexico but here locally it's pretty common. At first it became rather annoying. Now I understand and I have adjusted... mostly. I still find I have to catch myself if I'm really tired or deeply involved in something from blurting out "yes, gez yes, yes I love you... just said that 10 mins ago." I have keep reminding myself I am the one who decided to live in a completely different culture.

 

GUYS, The FERRARI will be cheaper in the long run....