Pointless Announcements

Finally, school starts. Put my son on the bus this morning. We need to get back to the routine.

 

I have my sources. Very reliable sources, thankyouverymuch.

 

Oh, that's it.

I'm going to find your address and I'm going to put a Misfits sticker on the ass end of your VW. At 3 AM. Like a goddamn ninja.

 

Don't you still owe me a pie? I vaguely remember that you were going to ninja me a pie.
Actually, I wouldn't mind a Misfits sticker on my Dub.
An electric guitar found its way to my house yesterday, I'm just waiting now.
And Faust and baby kitteh will taunt you from the window, by the way... he comes home in a week or two.

 

I wonder how long I can ignore the 100+ unread emails in my inbox???

 

Amateur. I've got 1200. If you get a reply from me, feel special.

 

You would totally respond to ME because I'm AWESOME! I demand your email address now so that I may spam you...or send you pictures of my cats. My ACTUAL cats you perv.

 

You have a high opinion of yourself. If you're going to spam me, I insist on a better class of spam, preferably something forwarded multiple times with a plausible theory about how 9/11 was perpetrated by the Freemasons and PETA. Any cat pictures must include themed costumes.

Those MIGHT get read. I don't give my email out to every Tom, Dick and Squirrel, so you'll have to prove that you're worth it.

 

I don't gotta prove nuthin to the likes of you.

I may forward you something from the Prince of Somecountry that wants to send you money. Just let me know what your bank account is and I'll make sure he deposits the 500 million.

 

My bank account doesn't have room for 500,000,000 acorns or whatever currency used by what passes for squirrel royalty.

I'll also deign to let you spam me with offer to make my penis and/or breasts larger. Preferably both.

 

I could make your penis larger....bwahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. There's also a joke about nuts in there, but I'm too lazy to think of anything.

Hmmm. If you would make your own breasts larger, wouldn't your penis be hard all the time from you constantly touching your boobs? Eww gross. Mental Image.

 

I'm dead sexy.

 

Ass.

 

Once again I beat the wannabe spammer.

USA! USA! USA!

 

I feel like I'm a young child stuck in the middle of a really confusing parental snarking match.

 

Plan9, eat your goddamn Honey Sugar Smacks and leave the grownups alone! So help me god, I'll take all your army men and Legos out to the garage!

 

You sound just like my roommate in the military.

He used to do the angry father thing when he was drunk.

It was funny. Especially since he hates women / kids.

 

Don't be so harsh on the boy.

 

I hate everyone, not just women and children.
--- merged: Sep 6, 2011 6:59 PM ---

Stop coddling him. He needs to learn how the world works.

 

Hmm, turns out it was 1,000,000 doll hairs.