Bipolar. Anyone out there able to relate? Questions...Venting...

I'm early 40s and have been diagnosed 3 separate times in my life as bipolar. Actually, the first time I was late teens and they still called it Manic Depression back then. I took Lamictal for years during a rough time but weaned off of it about 3 1/2 years ago. I'm very high functioning and can usually "fake it" through the day but it builds and builds until I can't take it. I *like* my hypermanic episodes - they can last from a week to a few months. I get a lot done but I also take on so many "projects" that it builds to the point it's like something breaks and the shear despair of what i've taken on overwhelms me and I cry every moment I can get alone. My last complete breakdown - and I mean complete breakdown - was 4 years ago. Since then it's been minor episodes which I cycle through within a few days.

Right now, I'm down. Seriously down. I'm also engaged and I have not explained my situation to him, though he knows I have times when I just shut down like recently. He's so loving and sweet and I should tell him, but I *hate* to put labels on myself or anyone else for that matter. My frame of mind is really bad right now and I'm considering going back to the doctor and considering the drugs again, though I feel like I lose my edge when I'm on them. Also, my Psych died a few years ago (which is also why I decided I just wanted to try it on my own for a while) so I'd have to find someone new to see on top of everything else.

I'm working full time, going to school part time for my 2nd Masters, planning a wedding, and managing a non-profit. <-- this is how I load myself up when I'm hypermanic. Now I can't deal with it all and can barely get out of bed. I'm near the limit of being able to "fake it".

What do I do. And how do I talk to my fiance about this? We can talk about anything but this one is tough for me and I'm just flummoxed. And it makes me cry too.

 

You can do it. You pretty much need to. Ask him if he's noticed the times you shut down. Then tell him there's a reason for that. And tell him why. He probably knows something's going on and yet he's loving and sweet. Think about that, he's already accepted you as you are. Telling him why won't change what he sees in you.

 

I agree with craven. He probably has suspected or assumed more than you know. It might not be so hard after all.

 

I can completely relate. I too have been diagnosed as bipolar and am highly functioning, but have "down" days. When I am on the medicine I am prescribed, "Risperdahl" I am much better off then without. I understand being overwhelmed with it all, as I got that way prior to getting my meds back. The hardest part for me was admitting I had a problem, but my partner is willing to work through the trouble with me, so hopefully your fiance will too.

 

I grew up with a bipolar parent. It takes strength to deal with a bipolar loved one. But if you and your fiancé love each other, you owe it to him to tell him and give him the chance to deal with it. Part of a strong, loving relationship is standing by your lover when they need it most. Give him the chance to do that

I'm no doctor, but I don't think that bipolar disorder is something you can just gut out. Please consider getting the help you need and deserve. I know my parent was able to love a much better life with medication and therapy.

I hope you find the answers you're seeking. My prayers will always be with you.

 

Hope this is a help - perhaps to you and your partner.

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGDl6-lyfMY&list=PLA803FA2DE69235E4

[subtitled] Part 2 : Stephen Fry The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive - YouTube

 

Thanks everyone. Trying to figure out what to say. I have to figure this thing out. I haven't watched the entire video above yet but what I've seen so far is interesting.

 

Watch the video with him, chat about it perhaps - Fry is rather lovely in his honesty ..... then you could open with 'Theres a bit of Stephen Fry in me you know'. He will be so relieved when he realizes you are not having Stephen Frys love child, that a little bit of bi polar will come as a relief.

 

My partner is bipolar. It took my threatening to just leave her for her to get onto the meds she needed. There is a certain social stigma attached to dealing with "mental issues". Some people afflicted with them refuse to do all they need to do in order to function normally because they don't want to be lumped in with the "mentally ill". I wouldn't worry about "How do I" talk to my fiancee about this - they are already very well acquainted with your ups and downs if they have been around long enough to want to marry you. If they love you enough to want to marry you already - they will likely be overjoyed you came to the conclusion on your own that you need to be taking care of yourself. Best of luck to you. My partner and I are 5 years in as of last weekend. Everything CAN be fine. *hug*

 

ReginaV, you started this topic a week ago. I don't want to presume that a week hasn't passed. At least one comment here wasn't cognizant of what you actually said. Others have been sweetly supportive and very useful. I don't want to presume anything. Is it still relevant to respond to what you wrote? Have you already talked with your fiancé? I'll get back to you today, if more response is desired. Trust yourself; you've found the balance before; you'll find it again.

Thom

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Supposing that you, ReginaV, have what you need, I want to try to say something briefly that’s useful for whomever (like myself). There's not enough space allowed here for that, so I've made a blog page, referenced below. (You'll have to cut-and-paste and correct the url format.)

Though cutely titled "for a balanced art of living," the discussion is a very practical approach to life management. After a general outline of things, I offer some direct advice to ReginaV, simply in light of what she's said.



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The URL has been removed by admin. I'll be glad to respond here, ReginaV, if you wish. Again, trust yourself.

Thom

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I have BPD, which manifests most often as depression, and occasionally as manic episodes. I am thankful the manic times are not nearly as intense as are the depressive episodes. Medications can be wonderful things, and they've made my life mostly bearable.

 

I can relate to it a lot. I was never officially diagnosed with Bipolar. But knowing the symptoms and behavior, I can recollect how I was in my mid-teen.

IMO the first important thing is you should confide this with your loved ones and well wishers. You could handle this much easier when you know there are YOUR FOLKS on your side.

You will get through this great.

 

I just got back from the pharmacy. Dr decided this morning I am 'most probably 'a bit bi-polar'. I have been put on Sodium Valproate. Seems I can have the odd small beer on occassion - does anyone know if this drug is any use?

 

Found this today - because of Stanley - who is certainly not a 'black dog' - but would probably chase one away.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBjl7yqLWOw