Online Dating...aka life of a single guy

Greetings!

I am recently single. I live in a small town so the bar scene has left me wanting. I don't have mad game with the ladies, so both girls in town I'd like to actually talk to, has been a struggle. I have pushed off to the online dating arena...now I'm looking for some help, especially from the ladies.

Where do I start?? There are so many places to go, I don't know where to start. First off, I'm not looking for my soul mate! I just came off a 9 year 11 month relationship, so I'm looking to start meeting people w/o the intent to find the next X-Mrs. Cordachine! I'm looking to meet new people, have some dates and whatever comes from it, happens.

Next off, I've jumped into Zoosk and POF...So I find somebody whose pic looks appealing. WTF do I say to: #1. Not sound like a creep (you pic is hot), #2. To show a level of interest that is expected in a first response and #3. sound appealing to the other party!

Who is out there in the online dating world that can give a hand (especially the ladies)!?
--- merged: Jun 16, 2013 3:09 AM ---
BTW...a "friend" mentioned I should play the 'what I drive' card to help at the bars...I said pass. My first thought is if she isn't into me before she see's what I drive, why bother. Considering I'm more into just meeting new people and whatever, I feel comfortable enough here to say, is he right?? I drive an 08 Cayenne Turbo...see sig.

 

We've got a few threads for that:

>>> Online Dating Success

>>> Dating Fail: Your Stories

...

 

LOL Thanks for the links and replys! I searched for online dating and got natta. At least this post will tie everything together, if nothing else!

 

Create an OKCupid profile. In my opinion, none of the others are worth your time.
Just my opinion.

 

I'll give that one a try too...I'm really looking for some general do's and don'ts that are acceptable online dating tips for all applicable online dating communities.

 

Make an OKCupid profile and be yourself. I've had good luck just going through locals and Quickmatch and seeing who messages me, Recently, I've had one date two weeks ago, one this past Friday and one "tomorrow" on Sunday afternoon

 

Write something substantial when you initiate contact with someone. No: 'hey, what's up?' or 'take a look at my profile and let me know what you think.' If you're the one who's interested, you should take the time to try and generate conversation.

Read their profile. Very important. The profile tells you what they are looking for. When I get a message from someone that makes it plain they either didn't read or ignored the parameters laid out in my profile, I delete without a second thought.

When you get a decline or even when you get no response. Don't get mad or whiny. It's just really unattractive and will only end you with you being blocked.
(That said, humor can be effective in these situations. For instance, someone I am seeing currently waited for me to respond for a week - it was a heavy school week, I wasn't responding to anyone - and then sent me a follow-up message saying, ' You've nothing to say to me? Really??' Which I thought was funny and resulted in a month of smartass repartee by text message followed by meeting up for a drink one night a month later and, uhhhhh....yeah, I'm still 'seeing' that guy...tonight actually...*reverie*)

Anyway, yes, so personality, don't take yourself too seriously. But don't be that dude for which everything is a fucking joke, either. Balance is key.

Take the time to write your profile. I ignore empty or sparsely written profiles. I'd guess I'm not alone in that.

That's a few suggestions. I'm sure I have more. Just can't think of them all right now. Too early.

 

I have XM and have been listening to Cocktails with Patrick on my way home from work. The dude cracks me up with some of the stuff he talks about. Last week he went into a 30 minute rant about the correlation between the day and times of dates and the level of attraction/interest in the party setting that day/time. Example: Dude asked girl out. She said I'm available Friday, Saturday or Monday. The guy picked Monday at 6pm! He said he thought the girl was cool, but her Brooklyn accent drove him nuts. He figured he could do a couple drinks and bail in time to catch the baseball game if it didn't work out or transition it into dinner if things went well. I thought it was well played by him LOL I only mention this because that is immediately what I thought of when I seen a Sunday afternoon date.

I hope it goes well for you today regardless of what radio talking head says!
--- merged: Jun 16, 2013 at 12:16 PM ---

I'm coming to similar conclusions myself. I had thrown a profile together just to be able to do some searching and see what is out there. Following this, I started to really build the profile. Now I'm in need of a few good pictures as my blackberry takes crap pictures!

I do use the short replies/comments that have some content to "fish" for a response. I don't do the "hey" or "whats up" or "your hot" kinda thing. I have come to the conclusion that, like I wave off many in the dating pool, many will do the same when I send them a message. That is fine with me. I'm just getting into this and don't expect overnight success.

...and to prove the point that I do read profiles, I sent a girl a message about her profile, but left off any comments about her listing 'Hedonist' as her PROFESSION! I had no idea what that was , so I Googled it. If you do the same, you will get a good little laugh!

 

I know what a hedonist is.

 

Yes, but is it your profession??

 

Just my experience, take it as you will. I moved a lot for work early out of college to cities where I knew no one, actually found good groups of friends via online dating ironically.

OK Cupid - The only active women are the ones who never made it more than a semester past High School. Otherwise full of women who make an account, get flooded with douches, and then go idle as they're driven away.
Eharmony - Full of I-Need-To-Get-Married-NOW women
Match.com - My best experience, mostly young college grad professionals... also the easiest hookup one I've seen.
PlentyOfFish - Never once got a response, worse experience than OKCupid
J-Date - I'm not Jewish, but my buddy was a member there for a year... said it's a bunch of 6's who all are looking for a multi-millionair 10 male.

As for what to say, well... even the best looking guys should be prepared to get 1 response out of 10. Just mention something from their profile, hopefully something funny, and keep on searching with the understanding that they're probably not going to respond.

It's not hunting, so much as troll fishing....

 

^That is pretty much true.

The whole dating game now-a-days is so messed up.

 

Personally, I had good luck with OKCupid. Never bothered with POF or eHarmony, but did try Match for a while. Match, to me, gives an impression of "only looking for something serious," especially with the subscription fee required to communicate on it.

Currently in a relationship with someone I met on OKCupid. It's actually the only way I've met someone I've gone on a date with for probably the last 5 years or more. I can't think of anyone else I have dated since I moved back to Ohio who I didn't meet online somehow.

As for messages: building off of something you read in their profile (a favorite band, movie, etc) is nice. My boyfriend sent me a message asking if I was excited about a movie coming out that was related a couple I'd mentioned in my profile. Others asked me about trips I'd taken, since I had photos from a bunch of different places. Something that is truly a conversation starter is nice, but sending someone a book that reads just like a form letter isn't very fun. Having left the site and gone back a couple times (I get bored with it), a few local guys sent me the *exact same* message more than once. Their strategy is just to copy and paste the same message to everyone.. I imagine it doesn't work very well, so I don't recommend it.

 

I know! Dealing with human beings in the real world is such a hassle! That and the people on the Internet are somehow a different species than those you meet in a dark, loud nightclub or at a yoga class or at the grocery store.

/GFY

 

I think folks, largely, don't live the same lives they did...even as recently as the 90s. That and the natural inclination toward electronic life...it's easier to sift through a wide array of people...folks you might never have come across organically...in order to find interesting dates. Of course, it depends on what you're after ultimately. I just want to meet interesting men to have casual sex with. There really is no more efficient way of accomplishing that goal than throwing an ad up on OKcupid. Judge as ye will.

 

...somehow the fact that I've posted like 19 threads about online dating site adventures has been completely forgotten.

 

y'ok.

 

...did I mention my intense hatred for fishing??

 

Disregard those that talk down about online dating. They're clearly confused about where humans come from.