I think a woman at work is interested in me

I work as an admin at a small law firm, which means there's more attorneys than admins - and that means there's more people to look down at you. Often the attorneys are rude, pushy and look down from their nose at you. Some of the attorneys can be friendly, but it is like a hierarchy where the attorneys and the admins are not supposed to be on equal level at all. I find it cold, and I'm trying to find another job elsewhere where there will be less snootiness.

There is one lawyer who is more approachable and I find it easier to have small talk with her than the others. Mostly it is just events in the news or the weather, or even difficult plaintiffs who call and give her a hard time (really, they are impossible to deal with). She and I don't talk about much else, but I just like it that there's at least someone who isn't snooty to me at work.

But I suspect she might be a lesbian or at even bisexual. I just get this vibe that she is not straight. And that's fine, I have nothing against LGBTs at all. But I've been noticing that she may be interested in me. There's something about the way she's been looking at me and talking to me that makes me think that.

Honestly, I am uncomfortable because I am not interested in women at all, and I am worried that I might have given her the wrong impression somehow. I don't know how I did, but I am concerned because I don't want her to think that I led her on or I made a fool out of her or something.

I just don't know how to make it clear that I am not gay or bi, and I only like chatting with her because she's simply a nice person. BTW, she seems to be closeted because I never heard of her sexuality being mentioned at work, and I've been there for a year. It probably wouldn't matter to some but after a while, you start to learn about the people you work with, and I have yet to hear about her or anyone else being gay. I also get the impression that she's lonely, but then again, she's an introvert that just could be her personality.

How can I stop this without hurting or embarrassing her? I feel bad about this.

 

It might help us to know a little more about you. Do you have a boyfriend, or actively date? If yes, then it would be easy to drop a story about an event you and a date attended, emphasizing that you had a great time with a man by your side. Without being pushy about it, you make it clear that you are hetero. If no, you could openly admire an attractive man in the office or in a movie you've seen. Or you could mention that "cute" guy in some shop you frequent.

My point: out yourself as heterosexual. Don't make it about her sexuality.

Welcome to TFP.

 

Has she directly hit on you? Asked you out on a date or perhaps brushed up against you and then winked or something? If not, then she's probably just being friendly. Despite what people may think, being a lesbian doesn't mean that you want to fuck everything with boobs. In fact, if she is gay, she might be a little apprehensive about being friendly towards straight women because some of them will think a little friendliness means they're just buttering you up for more. Which is not usually the case.

She's probably not into you in that way. And until she does put a move on you, I would advise you to try and get over yourself.

And just because she's not out at work doesn't mean she's closeted. I've worked at jobs for longer than a year and have kept my sexuality to myself (partially because of women who take every compliment as a sexual advance if they know you're a lesbian), but then went out in the evening and gay'd it up big time, with people who are comfortable enough in their sexuality to let others express their own.

/end dyke rant.

 

Tread lightly, you're in a professional environment, a very professional environment. I would think she is well aware of the ramifications if she crossed the line. You do not have to respond if anyone in your office approaches you, regardless of their sex. Find another job. Move forward.

 

No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I do go to speed dating events and things like that. I could try to mention it to the few people I can talk to at work. There aren't too many who are approachable, not even the other admins. I guess that is why I gravitated to this lawyer because she's actually nice.

Yeah, I could bring that dating part up casually. I just will feel bad if she ends up thinking I led her on. It will suck not being able to converse with one of the few nice people at work. Sigh. All the more reason to find a new place to work, one with friendlier people!

 

My immediate impression is that she finds it easier to make small talk with you than the other lawyers and admins, and makes small talk because she enjoys having someone at work who is cool with just chatting or letting her vent rather than the usual office BS. If you always talk with her and think of her as "one of the few nice people at work," she probably thinks the same about you. If anything, she probably wants to go out to lunch and drink cosmos with you while wearing ridiculous sunglasses, not get in your pants.

 

You're probably right, I may be reading too much into this. I was just thinking it would be an awkward situation. Office crushes can be awkward when not reciprocated - I've been there - and I guess I was afraid it was happening again.