Speaking of phone sex

The Big Dog is going to be away for a while and I think Im going to be required to be a participant in some tawdry justaudiocumfest with him. I can write the dirty stuff, but when it comes to speaking it, I get a little tongue tied. (I admit Im sort of a quiet cum, but intense and getting louder all the time with his prompting.) Im excited and tantalized, but Shit! Im afraid I might be a bad lay phonewise. I dont know. Im think Ill probably end up laughing at some point, and hell probably laugh with me, which is not bad. In the end though I think I want to make the puppy happy and perform the GrahamBell miracle for him. How does one go about this in a genuine manner, without being too affected?

 

Relevant:


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I had a fair amount of phone sex with my first girlfriend (crazy teenagers). We were both so stupid horny that it worked. Subsequent relationships never touched it for whatever reason. The advent of the Global War on Terrorism and the popularity of webcams made possible some of the absolutely slut-tastic scenes I witnessed while oppressing brown people in a third world country. Whew. I'd also like to thank the freeware stream capture programs that allowed me to store and enjoy them later.

I'm sure the Cool Kids here can tell you about all the ass they're getting via Skype, Snapchat, etc.

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I'm a Raging Heterosexual Male (TM) so my concept of dirty talk is obviously different than others, but it seems to me that the idea is to create the fantasy the other partner wants to hear. You're jacking yourself off--pleasing yourself only with the expertise only your own hand can provide--and the give and take comes from knowing your partner's fantasies. In person it would be okay, but nobody wants to have to coach anybody on the phone. "Ooo... Wait, did you just say three fingers?"

 

Use Skype video and show him.

 

Exactly what I was going to say. Video chat wasn't invented to make us wear ties for conference calls.

 

Pfft! Tell that to my last employer.

 

I have recently become a fan of this very type of sex.

 

A rousing chorus of, Do it!

With a side order of, Technology? Hells ya!

 

Technology? You don't say...

 

See? Even Fity and JT use the technology.

 

The last time I was traveling on business I had phone sex with my wife.

She told me to get fucked.

 

Alright, that's it... when I get promoted? I'm going to send you a stripper-gram with orders to motorboat your skull.

PM me the address you want Kandy Sparx to show up at.

 

If I sent a letter of recommendation would that be of any help?

 

Unnecessary. Your plight has been well-documented by my inordinate user self over the last half a decade.

 

Skype will be probably be in our future, but that will be a whole different thread. This time I think its the erotic words and tones that hes after. Hes a dirty talker and loquacious, with not much off limits. Hes loud and fun, but also deadly serious. Hes a handful of hetro junk, and were both counting on me making him happy. Its a big job, a big challenge (for both of us), and I really want us to succeed. Im not sure I can porn it up over the phone on cue, but I was thinking it might be more genuine to talk of actual possibilities? For example, he thinks about keeping me/making me masturbate, and I think I could talk to him about how that might look and what might occur, running my own fantasies about this through his. Is it sufficient to be who I am rather than a fake-porn me, if there is no visual? Can that be good enough, or maybe better? I just cant see panting into the phone if Im not actually panting. You know Ill crack up and kill the mood.

And, Im listening to that Thorogood song to get me going. Who knows, I might get lucky and hell do all the talking.

 

Well, the imagination can be very satisfying... it's why we masturbate all the time in the first place, right?

I don't know too many people that whack off based purely on the sensation. No, there's usually a story.

 

girldetective, I can assure you that fake-porn you will suffice. Just don't tell him it's fake. Nothing takes the edge off fake than seeing the strings.

 

I have just one piece of advice, get yourself a head start before the phone call. Sometimes when you start cold with something you're uncomfortable with, you never really get started at all. So 10-15 minutes beforehand, make yourself comfortable with your favorite accoutrements and masturbate - say the things you are thinking about out loud - get yourself to the point of no return and stop. Sort of the sexual equivalent of pre-gaming. By the time he calls you'll already be feeling a certain abandonment and things might progress more naturally in a way that is gratifying to both of you.

 

A fluffer is what she needs!
And girldetective don't overthink this.
If you torture it to death with over-analysis beforehand it will be doomed.

 

A phone sex fluffer is a career path that I never considered until now.

 

You and ZombieSquirrel should run that operation... cranky phone sex fluffers.

"Oh, you're so hard. Really? How hard? Hard enough to stay straight when I try to sit on it? I sure hope so. If not, I've got some Sodoku to do."