Sex and emotions

Have you ever done anything sex wise you had serious regrets about, and then later have just the opposite thoughts? There was this young guy next door who was invited over to this blonde’s house down the road. I hated the thought of her with him, so that afternoon I went to his place, intent on engaging him in sex and tiring him out. I think he had a thing for me because I always remember how he was always so nice to me. We flirted, petted, then I asked him to make love to me but not to cum, to stay hard, and I would owe him one. Well, he did a pretty good job. At the time I was really enjoying it for about an hour, I had plenty of lube. The second hour though, I was just going through the motions, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of each thrust I took from him was one less he would have for her that night. It was pretty well 2 hours later I told him he should cum. He couldn’t. My husband had just died 2 years earlier, he was older than me by quite a few years. Afterwards, I felt a sort of shame or regrets; for what I’d done. I had given my body to a man in a way that was making me feel used, and why did I do that? There was no satisfaction. I felt this way for a number of years. Now though, 7 years later, and much more relaxed and maybe hormones better balanced, I find I’m fantasizing about that encounter regularly, and wondering if that should be wrong.

This has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Does this happen to other people?

 

First...

Then suddenly...

Holy dump-the-clutch, Batman. And I'm pretty sure you were using this "young man" as you seduced him into doing you instead of Sister Goldenhair.

I feel like this story is missing some really important context details but if I had to guess I'd suggest you're coping with loss in an unhealthy way.

Who is the dude? Who is the blond? How did you know he was going to hook up with her? Why did it matter? How did you lose your husband?

 

This happens to me all the time. Fear not. You will be ok.

 

The "dude" was a divorced father of 2, he was maybe 30 or so, I was 45. I know that cause my husband had a heart attack when I was 43. We had been at a street party, so that's when it came out. Maybe I felt jealous, since I felt he had been giving me his attention. At the time I thought I was ready to move on. Since then, I've had 2 relationships, I tried hard, though I would say they were more like unsatisfactory flings. For those 2 I did not do the pursuing, and so when I felt regret after, like I never should have allowed it, I kept telling myself it was wrong but it wasn't me who initiated it. That is the roller coaster I am meaning. With this younger guy, I felt even more dirty for years. That's changed now, I don't feel that regret like I did before. He's long moved away so I should just forget him I tell myself.

 

All of a sudden I don't feel nearly as screwed up.

 

This one time, at band camp....

 

you felt 'dirty'?

i don't suppose you have some religious inclinations do you?

it seems that this is a regular feeling for those that adhere to some faiths who have grown up to believe that sex is 'dirty' and the need to cleanse themselves with guilt.

I'd have to agree that there's a lot of detail missing in this decade that can give this story context. There's a lot more at play here than just plain sex.

 

The guy was able to go for 2 hours without coming? Or did it just feel like 2 hours?

I worry way too much about what other people think and that they are thinking negative things. I am not fun and playful at all.

 

I've had plenty of sex that a much better version of myself would've either declined or at least postponed. All I can really offer is the idea that it's just sex and as much of a cliche as it is to say, you really only regret the chances you didn't take.

 

The regrets I have about sex is why I don't do it often? Why I don't initiate? Why so inexperienced even at ~40

 

There's this song by this german badn ... ahem:

You've got tha pussssseeeeehhh
I've got the dickaaaahhhh
So whats tha probleeeeeehhhhhm!

EDIT: Rammstein ... yeah.

 

There are all kinds of sexual experiences. Not all of them have to be freighted with meaning. Just let it go.