Co-Sleeping with Infants

I well remember when the younger girls were little wee ones and they used to sleep on my chest. There is even a picture or two of that my wife took.

 

When he was six weeks old, we put our eldest in his crib, in his own room down the hall, and suffered through screaming, crying, separation anxiety, and general unpleasantness until he slept. We co-sleep with our younger, and big brother camps out with us once in a while, too. We're happier with the co-sleeping. Have to be more creative with love-making sometimes, but the setup works for us.

I won't dare try to tell you which way you should go. This is your child, your family, and your heart will tell you what's right for your baby.

 

Our first boy lasted in our bed room (in his crib) for one night - with all the snorting and other noises he made, my wife and I hardly slept a wink (at least that is how it felt).

Especially when you are feeding (what seems like) constantly, the other parent needs to be getting some decent sleep and having a baby in your room is just not part of that recipe, IMO.

 

I think the success of co-sleeping in related very much to two things: whether or not one is breastfeeding, and how big the bed/room is.

We actually acquired a co-sleeper type bassinet (every time I say the word bassinet, I still picture a long-eared hound), and found we never used it. My wife proved to have trouble breastfeeding, and we had to switch to formula (and BTW, breastfeeding nazis we know gave my wife unbelievable shit for that, despite it being a very painful thing for her-- I don't know what is up with that), plus our bedroom is tiny; and we also decided to split baby duty, with me taking nights and her taking days. I don't do well trying to sleep in naps with an ear open for the baby, and he's a noisy sleeper anyhow, so I just stay up until 5 in the morning (luckily I can then sleep until noon), but it proved easier for all concerned for me to keep the baby nearer to me, which meant we initially tried sleeping him in a bouncy seat or swing, but it turned out that he actually loves sleeping in his crib, in his room, so we're going with that.

We were very clear that the baby was never going to sleep in the bed with us. For one, we aren't convinced of the safety of that; for another, we like our space; for a third, we sleep with the dog (she doesn't take up much space) and cuddle with her a lot in bed, and we wanted the dog to feel like there was still someplace in the house where she took primacy of place (she's a sensitive little dog). We had been willing to entertain the idea of the baby in the co-sleeper bassinet in our bedroom for the first three months or so, but had always been firm that after that point, we would transition him to his crib in no uncertain terms. Otherwise, we've heard too consistently that it creates separation anxiety; and we've encountered a couple of times where the kids just never seem to leave, and you've got parents and two or three kids under six sleeping in the same bed together every night. And that is both creepy and inconvenient. Kids need to learn to live in their own space, and parents need alone time, not just for fucking but to talk and keep their marriage/relationship healthy. It does no one any favors to try and be martyr parents for your kids.

 

TheNewLifeOfNancy...: Co sleeping and baby suffocation.

I never knew people did this. I can see laying in bed with them and then moving them to a crib once they are asleep, but I move a lot in my sleep and
wouldn't want to worry about it.

 

our little ones co-slept with us only during the actual breastfeeding.

our two little ones had their own cots in their own seperate room. when they woke up in the early morning (usually between 3 and 5) i would get up and transfer them into our bed and they would stay their until they suckled them selves silly. in the meantime she-lish would fall asleep while breastfeeding.

The boys never slept in our bed at the start of the night. I'm still hesitant to bring them into our bed and have my reservations. I'm usually up by 5-5.30am most days anyways, so its usually just she-lish and poo-lish in bed.

i know theres a massive debate about letting infants sleep in your bed, but the fact that if they didnt sleep in our bed, i'm going to end up with a sleepless and grumpy wife.

 

I co-slept with all of my children while breastfeeding and maybe a little while afterwards, but eventually all of them transitioned to their own rooms. I wouldn't make too big a deal out of one way or the other. I enjoyed having them there with me when they were little. Breastfeeding was certainly less of an effort and I liked feeling close.

Levite, I had trouble breastfeeding my third child and ended up switching to formula, as well, it was one of the only periods in my life where I battled true depression. I can't imagine having a bunch of people compounding that experience with negative comments about a situation I had no control over. My child had to eat! And my breasts were painful and engorged and, argh, one of the worst, lowest periods of my life. I don't know what's up with that, either, and I hope you gave them the what's what.

 

Mine slept in with me - saved getting up in the night every three hours, now I sleep with the dogs. Sometimes son and I will sit in a bedroom together on the bed watching a movie. The bed with the bedknobs was popular when as children they watched 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' - they would turn the knobs like the kids in the film.
You will still be getting the middle of the night visits when they want comfort regardless of how you start off. Mummy, I just been sick, can I come in with you, so you let them in for a snuggle, and then they puke in your hair, and your bed is worse than theirs was, so they choose to go back to their own - after you change the pillowcase... but you wont mind vomit in your hair that much, nor having to strip the bed, because kids are embedded deeply in your heart, and you would rather smile at them now sleeping blissfully than moan about the midnight laundry.

 

We had a small rocking crib at the end of our bed for a few weeks. Then off to their full sized crib. Neither slept in the bed with us. My youngest did develop colic and that was a challenge. I was up with him at night while my wife slept. But I was with him in the living room. We both were zombies for about 6 weeks.

 

I posted a similar thread back on the old TFP...but I can't find it, grrrr. I'll keep looking, since I seem to remember a good article that went along with it.

I can't really contribute other than that, since I don't have kids...I don't remember ever sleeping in my parents' bed, unless it was for naps. I did like to fall asleep in their bed when they went out and I had a babysitter, but they always moved me to my own bed when they came back home.

 

This is just such a personal thing.
We never tried having the kids sleep with us.
I roll all over the place in bed, so I felt they would be unsafe near me.
And my wife and I both agreed that we needed the space in our lives.
But you have to decide what's right for your family.

 

We had a small crib at the foot of our bed. Our baby would go to sleep in that. When it was time for a feeding, my wife would just feed him or her in bed and fall asleep with the baby. Sometimes she would put the baby back into the crib, sometimes not.

By the time the kids were no longer breast feeding they were in their own rooms in larger cribs.

 

Levite, I just want to add my little anecdote to this. My wife was really keen to breast feed and also get a bit depressed when it wasn't working out. The little fella just wouldn't attach. Eventually after a lot of effort, anguish and pain, my wife went to the doctor, whose exact words were "There are no medals for breastfeeding. Don't worry about it".

Baby #2 breastfed fine and baby #1 was pretty much bottle fed and is still quite normal
--- merged: Feb 12, 2013 at 6:21 PM ---

This is called "Controlled Crying" - basically, the child is over tired and needs to go to sleep. They will eventually. The "controlled" relates to the parents controlling themselves not to go in and pick up the child every time they make any sound. The baby is just learning how to go to sleep on its own. This is not really recommended until they are sleeping through the night, though.

 

This is the key. Try different things find something that works.

Our son was completely different from our daughter.

 

I was quite adamant about my daughter not sleeping in my bed from day one. She did spend about six months in the same room as me, but to this day she has never slept in my bed.

Her independence has always been a huge factor when I make decisions on her behalf. In my own experiences, it seems that a child that shares a bed with their parent(s) develops a level of attachment that I do not wish my daughter to have.

It may not have any significant correlation in reality, but I like to think that the fact that I have a two-year old who has not even once in her life given me any kind of trouble in regard to going to bed shows that I made a good decision on this subject.

Maybe I'm just lucky...