Marriage: The Adult Name Change Game!

At primary school we were doing a topic on the church and as part of this we had our own wedding ceremony. I was the bride and obviously at some point the name change discussion came up, I decided I was NOT going to take my 'husbands' name (I think we had to write pretend thank you cards). Everyone just accepted that's what you do, I on the other hand was like no way, I have my own name why would I want another. After arguing with the teacher that I'm not a criminal trying to hide( I guess that's what I associated name changes with, even although I knew you changed your name when married) she just let it be and placated me with yes yes you can keep your name its just pretend!

To this day I am still of this frame of mind and although I'm not married I have told an ex that he would have to be prepared to take my name if we ever married - which he accepted. I have no idea where this idea came from as every wife I know has taken her husbands name but its as clear as the thought that I am female or the fact I hate the feel of cotton wool. In my head its just a fact, no idea why, or where it originated, but to me its completely normal to who I am.

I guess I wont know for sure until I'm in that situation my feelings at the moment is I'm keeping my name and my husband would take it too as would any future kids!

 

Innocentmiss, i was just thinking along the same line as Borla. If you didnt like someone imposing their name on you, why would you prefer to impose it on your partner?

 

I changed mine twenty years ago, his family were not very welcoming and I never felt part of them or the surname, my kids have my husbands last name and as soon as all the current shit I am dealing with is over I am changing mine back to my maiden name. Already changed my facebook back and it feels right. I wish I had never changed it x And I will never marry again so will not have to deal with that choice again. Once bitten and all that .................

 

Ok tried to reply three times to this thread, I apologise if all my replies turn up at once! Borla and Lish, I didn't mean to appear so self centred - if a future husband to be wanted to keep his name that's fine by me. Its kinda difficult to admit but I can only ever see myself marrying my ex and he has already agreed to having my name - I guess that's why I made such a definitive statement. Kinda weird realising he is now my ex........makes me feel slightly sad, I have always been able to picture us together as OAP's Its weird when you realise the world you create in your head isn't real, the hopes plans and dreams just no longer exist - awww reality just hit me like a ton of bricks!

 

Marriage #1 at the age of 21--took his last name. The marriage was an unpleasant experience, though it produced one son who took his father's name. I divorced, determined to never again marry; I asked the judge for my maiden name back and he allowed it. I vowed to never again give up my maiden name and I have not. Through a 'mix-up' with my son's birth certificate--the ID I needed to register him in kindergarten, my son ended up with my maiden name. Think about the old-school way of proving identity--school records is one of them. Once he was in the system and it was mandated that all Americans have a Social Security number (from birth, IIRC) we used his school ID and now, for almost his entire life he has carried my maiden name. Since he has had no contact with his father since infancy, he prefers it this way.
I run into plenty of clueless people for whom I've have to clarify that he is my son--but I run into plenty of clueless people anyway--so whatevs.

Marriage #2 at the age of 31-- Did not take his last name/ he did not take my last name (he had no preference). Our son (my 2nd son) has his father's last name because my other son has my last name and I thought it would be more equal to have 2 of each of us with the same moniker. Deal with the same clueless people--the ones with not even a box to think outside of, that couldn't fathom how I could be married but my son had a different last name than me. I try to make it easy for them and use that dirty word in the sentence, 'I am a feminist,' to explain how such an oddity occurred.

Hypothetically-speaking, I would consider taking a guy's last name if it were supercool--but then, if I really wanted such a name I could just change it.

It hasn't been a hassle paperwork-wise, especially when you consider all the non-married people with shared addresses, bank accounts and so forth and it's not like one often has to produce proof of marriage.

 

I doubt I'll every marry. If I do, I'm keeping my last name. I don't see the point in changing last names and its very archaic to me for women to change theirs.

 

I have not married yet, but from a Numerology standpoint (you may laugh now), changing your name has big consequences and can alter your behavior. Taking a surname that does not line up well with your maiden name causes discordance in one's life, especially to non-traditionalists who decide to carve their lives to what is most harmonious to them. Traditionalists instead learn to live with what they have, so to me it is a combination of factors.

 

Uch, that is just disgraceful, that article. There is no reason to discriminate in this matter: if we say that anyone can change their surname withcomparatively less fuss due to marriage, then everyone should have the same potential opportunity, regardless of gender (or gender of the spouse they are marrying). This is just pointless Victorianism. It's archaic and repressive.

 

Huzzah! That was a ridiculous case.

 

That must explain the demise of my 1st marriage. All this time I thought it had to do with the fact he was a bastard and an asshole. But no! It was his name! To be honest he had a bizarre Slovac surname that did not suit me at all.

Bizarre case, Borla. Glad it all worked out for Mr. Dinh.

 

Interesting. I would feel weird doing that. I'm at the beginning of a divorce, and I've decided not to go back to my maiden name. Partly because my children have this name. But even more because my soon-to-be-ex's sister has my first and last name. We both enjoy the confusion it sometimes causes. If I ever marry again, and that is a HUGE "if", I will probably change it to his.

 

In scientific research, once I publish, I need to continue publishing under that name for tracking sake. That would make keeping my last name the easier option.

My mom has been separated from my dad since 2002, and still uses his last name, so whatever.

A name is a name.

Though I've considered making a kick-ass amalgamation last name.

 

I remember reading something the other day...probably tumblr, but the suggestion was that everyone just smoosh their name together when they get married, then their kids do the same, then their kids do the same, and the names just keep getting more and more awesome/ridiculous. I kinda like that idea.

 

Boxbottom.

What?

 

as;lkdfjadlkfjhalsdjfhsaljhd;ljk

 

...or Higginhill.

Either one works... though Boxbottom is slightly cooler.