Should I cheat on my wife?

I have been the other woman. I don't know if this is the perspective you want, but maybe you should think about that too.

When the wife/girlfriend knows and "blesses" the act of extramarital relations, the partner is more free and the sex is amazing. The man doesn't love me and I don't love him. It is what it is. Just sex. I knew that he loved his partner and I was just used as a release. He went home to her and his family. I went on with my life too.

I have also been the other woman when the wife didn't know. At the time, I didn't know the man was married, but it was an odd experience once I went back and thought about what had transpired. I remembered that he wasn't present at all. It was rushed and he had no desire to please me. He was a selfish lover.

I wasn't in love with him either, so it was just sex. I was however upset that I was lied to. I also felt bad for his wife. He decided this on his own.

When/if you do seek out an extramarital affair, be up front with the person with whom you choose to have the affair. Let her know that you are not planning on falling in love. I was also the other woman who was unfortunate enough to fall in love. I felt betrayed because he knew this, yet he still pursued a sexual relationship. It didn't end well.

 

What's going to happen? You give her an STD when you come back home and don't have sex with her?

Serious advice: she's grudingly accepting the idea because she sees no other way out (it is a way out, she won't be able to get over it if you're out getting some and she's still miserable and celibate.) What will spark your sex life back up is for you to encourage her to go have and fuck other people. She's sunken into this rut and has resigned herself to being there.

 

Ditto to Snowy, has she had a physical lately?

 

It is so cahrazy how TFP converges with IRL people situations sometimes. We have some friends who went through a similar thing not too long ago. Dude was going crazy because he wasn't getting any action yada yada yada. She had zero desire yada yada yada. They didn't snuggle, kiss, hug etc and the dude was starting to wonder if he should just hit up a piece of strange.

Some things to consider about the strange first and foremost
1. Is it really going to change anything? I mean a one night stand might get your dick all moist and adventurous but is one night really going to change anything? You're still not going to be getting it from your spouse and now you've just piled on guilt and deception.
2. Are you sure this piece of strange tail isn't going to blab your business to the world? Now you have to keep your friends, coworkers etc from spilling the sultry details of your night with Scarlett to your wife.
3. Are you willing to walk away from everything based on pussy? Yes, sex is a huge deal, but if it is the only issue in the relationship it can be sorted out.

Ok, so now back to our friends going through the same issue. It turns out that the woman had put him into some lower-class of "man" subconsciously because the dude had just "changed". Her reasoning was that he didn't walk around with any sense of pride anymore. He didn't act like he was proud of her in public, he didn't take pride in his job, his home or his relationship, so she started seeing him as something that she could easily put off to the side. She admitted it wasn't something she intended to do but it happened nonetheless.

The guy hounded his wife constantly about sex. It got to the point of begging which as we all know is a turn off. It seemed it was all he ever talked to her about and that just added to her visual of him.

Why do I bring it up? I don't really know. Both of them were highly flawed in their thinking/actions, but it was valid in their relationship because the dynamics changed dramatically. Perhaps, your SO doesn't see you in the same light anymore. Instead of just talking to her and saying "Yo. My hand is tired. Can you please spread 'em so I can at least take a break?" take her out somewhere new, go somewhere exciting, do something completely different than what you've done in the past. A good lookin' woman walks by - grab your wife by the waist and kiss her. Hold your head up high while you walk and talk. I am lion hear me ... you get it.

There is a chance it could be medical. If that's the case then a doc appt to check hormone levels etc should be able to steer you in the right direction.

It could also be something external that is blocking her mentally.

Just to put it out there - it could also be that she's found what she wants sexually from someone else. I'm not saying she has or will, but it is a possibility.

So yeah, communication is key and she's being selfish, but something is causing her to be selfish. Instead of going around the same talking points, put some money in your mouth and make her proud again. A man needs to have a good dose of pride and while your sitch is not uncommon, I'm sure it feels like a spiral at this point but you have to change the flow. Actions rarely fall short of words, so again, put the money where your mouth is.


Also, I agree with MSD - she probably feels as though you've placed her into the role of only being a sexual thing and now she feels like she's being replaced by other women because her toy isn't what you want. Think about it for a few... then resweep her.


fuck. why do I attempt this shit before I've had caffeine?

 

Your wife may seem to be agreeable now but I can't help but think this will eat her up. I cannot imagine this will remain as good as you hope it will.

 

I have to agree with Craven. She may seem OK with it. But deep down. I'm willing to bet it really hurts her to know that your with someone else.

 

To take Craven Morehead 's post a bit further...

She's agreeable to your face but not internally. Based on that, I have a feeling she'll be the one making the "stay or go" decision for you.

I forget who said it but perhaps this applies here:

the grass is greenest where you water it the most

 

ahem,

Just to be clear... the Scarlett mention in the book length thread above is not in reference to any member here. Think of the South during the Civil War and you'll be on the right track.

 

A night with Scarlet is quite sultry. It's not for the faint of heart though.

 

ever thought of the '4 wives' option?

/just sayin'....

 

Leave it to the Muslim to start multiplyin' shit...

 

Great advice. Even if the problem is medical, it's still great advice.

Marriage isn't something that turns to a zero-effort deal after you sign the license. It takes work. We all need to be reminded of this from time to time. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what she wants.

Best marriage advice I ever got was from my mom: "Now that you've found the right mate, you need to be the right mate."

 

I would add that it's worth the work:


“Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided.”

― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

 

In a word, no.

My wife's libido has never matched mine. There have been many months in between "the deed" at times, but we still continue to love one another. Lately, things have become more frequent; I won't say things have "improved" because the quality has always been superb.

 

So... we had a good long talk during the holiday. I mentioned the idea that her problem could be medical. Unbeknownst to me, she already investigated this problem. Her doctor said she was normal. Her lack of desire is probably a mental thing. She refuses to even consider seeking counseling. I won't push her on this.

I told her I didn't want to feel like I was making her say yes to something she doesn't really agree with. She was very calm and I could tell she has thought about this a lot this time. She told me she doesn't know if she'll ever want to have regular sex again and that she knows I've been unhappy. She also said she wants to be together forever and I told her I felt the same.

She's warming to the idea of an open relationship as long as she's involved. Basically, her idea is SHE picks my partner. I told her that this would be fine. I told her I get everything I need to fulfill me emotionally from her, and all I'm lacking is physical intimacy.

So, we're going to try something. Her friend from work is going to come over for dinner and we're going to talk about it. If my wife feels weird, everything ends immediately. I agreed to all her conditions. I told her how much I love that she is willing to try something new for my benefit. I think we feel happier than we have in quite some time. I really hope this works out.

 

Friend from work? Bad idea. Any strange you pick up needs to be that, strange. No ties, no friends of friends, no nothing connecting you to her outside of the penis/vagina area. Barflys are best, randoms are even better. If you are going through with this, don't fuck someone your wife knows outside of you deep-dicking her.

Also, this all is fine and dandy til you are balls deep in some random, then she is going to realize that you are balls deep in some random. She freaks out and busts into the room, guns ablazin'. The amount of women in the world that will be ok with you hobnobbin' some other chick while they watch TV downstairs (money is down that she wants it someone she is near the action but not viewing it, in case things "go wrong") could fit in a college dorm room. My advice, get in there, get a 30 second nut and get it done fast. That way you get a nut off before she goes into meltdown mode. It maybe the last time you get to marinate your nether rod In someone's squish mitten. She will forever lock you down from her arctic circle and you will never get to look another woman again.

 

My wife's friend from work is a girl that has expressed an admiration for me in the past. My wife doesn't think we'll have to talk her into anything; she's pretty notoriously slutty around the office, I guess. I don't think any marinating will go down right away. We'll probably take it slow at first.

EDIT: This is all happening tomorrow night, by the way. Dinner at our house, then maybe a swim and a hot tub.

 

Hooking up with the "office slut" from your wife's work IS A BAD IDEA. This has Jerry Springer written all over it. You are now going to be drawn into office gossip and drama. I don't know the kind of person your wife is, but if that green eyed beast that shows up when sex is involved, You Are Fucked (and not in a good way). The first time your cumdumpster makes a snide comment to your wife or you wife feels like you are giving the flesh holster a little more than your happy fun time meat, it's going to be bad.

I got money down that if he does fuck her, it melts down in.... 2 months. Incubation period and all that jazz. Who wants to handle the numbers on this one?

 

Damn, Lordeden is back at the podium. Good times.

Fiddlebone,

I'll second his "Never go full Maury!" comment by suggesting that it's good that you had your wife find the partner even if the particular partner she chose is total crap.

I'm as vanilla as Amish ice cream but if I was all set on working another vertical smile into the Coca-Cola commercial that is my life, I would have my woman find the New Pussy (TM) online via some dating site.

Put your wife in control of the process, maybe? Keep the Strange within her preferences and keep it way detached. I mean, it's one of the big rules of life: Don't shit where you eat. Don't fuck where you work. And don't you piss of the Happy Posting Bot.

 

Fiddlebone since you seem to be intent on following through with this despite universal aknowledgement that it is probably the worst idea of all time for a healthy marriage, I hope you will continue to update this thread and let us know how this plays out. Good luck, I hope it doesn't all come crashing down around you.