Annoyances of Parenthood?

The frequent inability to have grownup conversations.

The frequent interruption of grownup conversations.

The disconnect between how seemingly arbitrary medical guidelines are with respect to raising healthy children and the medical establishment's certainty that if you don't do Thing A to your child your child will be ruined, despite the fact that no one was doing Thing A 5 years ago and those kids are fucking fine.

The assumption by many people that "my folks raised me like this and I turned out great so every other parent should be just like my awesome fucking parents" is compelling evidence of the efficacy of one of any number of completely fucking arbitrary parenting styles.

That kids are kids and thus act like fucking children, despite all the impeccable, maturity-inducing logic I have just fucking dropped on them.

That some adults don't realize that kids are kids and thus have a pretty good reason to act like fucking children, and so act like fucking children themselves as a response to children acting like children.

Thus far, all annoyances have been more than worth it.

 

I'm not a parent myself but I do meet and interact with lots of children from lots of different backgrounds, I do also dabble in a bit of back-seat parenting of my little brother and sister 6 and 12 respectively(I know, I know, I cant help it their mother is depressed and sometimes a little dabbling smooths out her relationship with her children). I would agree with a lot of the comments on here especially boundaries. Working in an out of school holiday club one little boy was boasting to the older boys about how he gets to stay up till 1am. The late night really impacted his day he was tired and grumpy which resulted in no one playing with him and getting into lots of arguments with the staff. At the end of the day he went home having had a crap day as did the staff. Repeat this behaviour over the entire holiday and he becomes a less favoured child, not given the same opportunities as other children (treats like run to the shop, baking choosing the dvd - reserved for children with good behaviour!) This was the 'devil' child I was warned about, the one who apparently takes pleasure in winding you up till you explode!

On my second day I decided to speak to him as he was lonely with out the bigger boys who were out on a trip (he didn't get to go due to his behaviour). I was astounded at the insight he had on how his lack of bedtime routine impacted his life. He stated he didn't have a bedtime because his mum didn't care about him enough to send him to bed, all it took was to challenge her once. This was followed by the statement 'why do you care anyway?' I find it heartbreaking that the way this little boy is perceived by adults, he is a little boy who needs boundaries and love. Instead adults reinforce the message his mum sends him, he isn't good enough, I know if I was backed into a corner I would start playing up to receive attention, any attention.

 

I cannot stress the importance of this enough, believe me it takes a child NO time to learn they can play the parents off each other

We had certain rules in our house....no new activity could be started without the toys from the previous activity being stored away and from the earliest time Amanda had to help put them away, it is never too early to teach responsibility. TV was a privilege, not a right, but I did have to learn to get over my aversion to Barney rather quickly lol (thank god she was too old for Teletubbies when they showed up). I will not say there were not times I didnt plop her down to watch Ferngully or The Land Before Time for the zillionth time....BUT if she were being punished for something, the TV was the first thing to go...Being a parent is not, nor will it ever be convenient, you sacrifice on a daily basis, even if it means you can't have that conversation on the phone with a friend because they are being punished and you cant plop them down in front of the TV for even 10 minutes. Since she was an only child, a lot of things were easier, but we tried to instill with her early on that lying wouldn't be stood for, and that the punishment was far worse for lying than whatever it was she was done.

I was not one of those parents afraid to leave a cart full of stuff in the store. I can honestly only remember two times she threw a tantrum about "having to have" something. I was not one of those parents that couldnt bare to be separated from my child for 2 hours....if I needed "me" time, I had no issue going to a movie or out to eat without her, she benefited from me being able to get out and regroup just as much as I did. I also had no issue getting up and leaving a restaurant if she was fussy, there is no way I was going to subject other people to that, and to this day its one of my biggest pet peeves and the root of my constant desire for places that are "adults" only.

Loads of people are going to have advice for you and how you should do things, you won't be able to stop that. You have to decide what your end goal is and work backwards to achieve it, your way. I can't tell you how many mothers I horrified by daring to leave my child with her grandmother so I could go to a movie, or go out to lunch. I can't tell you how many people into my house and made some statement like "I can't believe how well behaved and well mannered your child is" or "you REALLY make them say please, thank you, yes and no ma'am/sir...I just dont see the point in that".

My daughter is 19 now, and when she and I go out together, it always makes me laugh when she starts in on the bad behavior of other kids and she asks me if anyone ever said those things about here....and I get to tell her nope, she really really was a good child and a pleasure to be around

 

Thought of something else- trying to stifle laughter when trying to explain to your daughter that her drawing of the family looks more E.T. than human beings.

 

I'm glad you got E.T. cuz I was totally getting Penis...


/hangsheadinshame

 

But you are female so that's OK, envy and all.....

 

Nothing like realizing your daughter is far more clever than you are...

 

Yep. Baraka_Guru summed that shit right up.

 

My daughter tried to create a robot today; this was the end result:


Words cannot express the sheer amount of awkwardness right now...

 

I'm dying.

 

Just when you start to think you may have the child thing down, puberty hits and it all goes to hell again....

 

I was hoping it just had a big nose but clearly the nose is up above in green crayon...........

 

^^It appears to be a girl robot as well which now brings up a separate problem entirely.

 

The hardest thing I have experienced with kids is divorce. I have 2 boys and my wife has 3 girls. The girls spend most of their time with us, and the boys are/were 50/50 (one has since graduated and moved on). While my first wife and I were married, we seemed to have a very compatible agreement on discipline and backing each other up. Once she left, all that was out the window. She never did anything to discipline them when needed, and then wondered why our oldest had so many issues. My younger boy is kind of lost and on the same path. It's very hard to watch when there is very little you can do. The girls that live with us (two Left) are doing very well as did the first one. I give that to consistency with rules and the ability to know what to expect with whatever kind of misbehavior happens. Kids need structure and need to know if they do something wrong they will be called on it. I love my sons, but I still stay awake nights wondering what I could have done to make things better for them.

I wish you the best with the little one you are expecting (or already have by the time I posted this) being a parent is the toughest job there is. Bar none, but there is nothing like being there to see them succeed and take things farther than you had even expected. My daughter (step) is in coral concert. I never in a million years would have considered going till she joined. But I can tell you by the time the show is over, my face hurts from the big smile I have ear to ear watching her perform. It's so rewarding seeing your child do something they love!

 

One of my kids threw a fit at school over her lunch and the other is home sick so it's been one of those shitty weeks that makes me question my skills as a parent. This for me is the hardest part. Not the actual logistics but the doubt and gloom that can bury you when things go wrong.

One minute a neighbour is complementing you on the kid's politeness and then the next you're getting pitying looks of disapproval from teachers and staff. How soon until it will be wardens and guards instead?

Reading parenting forums and advice online is especially disheartening because it tends to focus on the extremes of either virtuous little Von Trapps or demon restaurant tyrants, when in reality you rarely reach the former but often (at least feel) like you've spawned the latter. It blows.

 

(Okay, I have to qualify this one- first, it's not a neighbor but a relative... but in case she ever stumbles across the pic I'm changing the identity. Also, my daughter equates height and job success with age. Therefore, a six foot woman who juggles a family and a career (both very well, for the record) has GOT to be at least 40, according to an 8 year old.)