Forever single...

So this is a pretty personal thing to admit as a newb-again to TFP but here goes:

How many of you are perpetually single individuals, like myself? I have had my share of serious monogamous relationships (most between 2-3 years each), have been in and out of love, and I date often and frequently but I just haven't found that one person who I would BE with. I've had several marriage proposals but I couldn't say yes to any of them because none of them were men I could commit to.

I don't have commitment issues at all and I can live with people's flaws, but I do have standards with which I won't compromise. I'm in my early-mid 30's now and I find myself wondering if I'm simply not the marrying kind or are my standards too high? For those of you who are married- does true love really exist? Or is marriage a facade of happiness? Many of my friends have marital problems but I still hold out hope that true love does exist. It's so damn rare and it takes sooo much work but I still want it. I think about it often. Is it just chance that we meet these kinds of people? As I find myself growing older, I think about whether I will have children and a family. All of this hinges on meeting the right person, which hasn't happened so far.

All in all, I am a pretty happy and content individual, regardless of my relationship status. I have many good friends and I have great sex on a regular basis so my emotional and physical needs are met. If I go through life forever single, I'm okay with that. But I'll always remain hopeful that someday, when the time is right, I'll meet him and discover whether true love really does exist..

 

You won't compromise? Well, there you go with being single. You might be single a long time until your prince charming arrives. I am not saying that he doesn't exist, I am saying that he is a needle strand of hay in a haystack of 7 billion other strands of hay.

I am perpetually single because I am weird.

I've always been weird. I came to terms with it. At the office today a lady came in and joined our convo and said "This is much better than talking to my cubicle walls." To which I responded with "Yeah, and the responses are better too than mine as well." with a huge grin on my face. She looked at me with a face that read "WTF is wrong with you dude."

OK, that was a lie. Not the being weird part, but the single because of weirdo part. I am single because really I hate people. I like to blame other things except the one true thing that makes me a bad person to hang out with. People irritate me. Small things get to me and I'd rather avoid them. You don't hold the door open, you smoke then come talk in my face with your smoke breath. You eat with your mouth open. You interrupt me mid sentence.

I hate EVERYONE!

 

The best and longest lasting part of my marriage is my wonderful children. Not getting into more than that on here.

 

It doesn't sound like you are that single, just temporarily single.

Including High School prom, I have probably been in a 'relationship' for 8-10 hours. That is forever single .

 

I'm a perpetual single too, now in the 50. Just had a short unhappy marriage. I just can't be able to find the right one. I'm not sure what had gone wrong. Still, I'm hoping miracle will happen.

 

Nah, your all fine. I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. For me..there is two..my beloved wife (who has passed away) and my current SO. and if a true geek like myself can find love TWICE! Anyone can. so have heart and hope, cause as the song goes 'You Can't Hurry Love"

 

That's because you're foreighn and you don't know any better.

/mayorofbittertown.

 

Maybe I don't, but at least I know how to spell foreigner.

 

A friend of mine in Germany has the same issue. He has his set of principles and a level of standard that he will never and under no circumstances compromise on. To be honest, mostly because he compromised on that same set and level once roughly 3 years ago and got very badly burnt as a result. Crazy-ass woman, I tell ya. So, he remains single on a permanent basis and doesn't date until he stumbles upon that -one- woman whose mental mapping is fully compatible with his. And since he's one hot gym-everyday guy (don't worry Glory's Sun , you're still my go-to guy ), he'll likely want her to have similar hotness. Which is hard to do, given Barney's hot/crazy graph:



Unfortunately, I have a very similar set of principles and level of standard as my friend does. Fortunately, I stumbled on my SO some 5 years ago as a casual friend, and have been together since 3 years ago. We pretty much complement each other fully. I'm dominant, she's submissive. She's highly intelligent, so talking with her is very interesting. We're both goofy idiots, so we like very similar types of entertainment. We both love zombies (or, the killing of them). Both avidly interested in Japanese and Korean cultures. Both absolute food lovers (though I'm more of a Borla type ). And we are very much into co-dependency.

But yeah, it also takes a good amount of work. Sometimes I'm a kid and just plain retarded. Sometimes she just keeps talking (at my core I'm a very quiet guy... until I'm set loose with men/women who I don't know very well, and if alcohol is involved), and I want to commit suicide. You know, all that fun stuff.

Call me crazy, but I constantly hear of women who complain that they want to be an integral part of their partner's life, not just an attachment. Why does the same not apply when it's the other way around?

'Cause that's what the above statement of yours reads to me like. You're apparently both emotionally and sexually fulfilled, so what do you even need a permanent partner for? Simply for knowing what "true love" is like, or for actually participating in the love game for a couple decades?

 

Hi Plummie: I don't believe you have too-high standards--rather you know what you can tolerate/live with and what you can't--you know yourself.
I'm married but not to a 'true love.'
I'm sort of in a holding pattern but I'm married to someone who is so very different than I and who is missing the one ingredient that my true love would have to have--a sense of joie de vivre. I like to laugh, to joke around, to literally find the joy in life. I'm not married to a person with those attributes.
If I could have a do over, I wouldn't marry probably ever but if I did it would not be until at least your age.
It really seems like you understand your needs which is what I did not. I think if you are secure in/with yourself you are in a much better place to be ready if and when Mr. Right walks into your life.

 

Yep, "to thine own self be true", and all that. The worst idea in the world is to get married, or have a life long commitment to someone because you think you should. I quite often think that I should have stayed single, but I keep fighting the good fight. I'm on my second marriage. First marriage lasted 14 years, 16 if you consider the separation and divorce... Before that I was engaged to another woman for about 4 years. I'm a serial monogamist. I've been with my present wife for 4 years, one year of marriage. Recent events sucked, but otherwise I've been happy. This is my last marriage, regardless of outcome. I love women, but...

 

My first relationship endured almost 5 years, after few months I embarked in another-one that soon will reach 2 years and counting... Apparently I can find love pretty easily, my wonders are of the opposite type: I will be able to discern the 'real love', from the others? Will I find "the right one" or I will be too busy letting the "meh" relationships running for years?

 

Plummie

First off - welcome back

Ok, about your problem... oh, hold up... it's not a problem at all. You've actually already found true love. Yup, you did. See, you said you're happy and content with who you are as a person. That's something that very few people actually accomplish so you shouldn't worry yourself about when/where/how you'll find "Mr. Right". It'll happen when it happens, there's no point in stressing it especially since you're happy with who you are and the adventures you currently have. It doesn't really seem like you're stressing it much, but I figured I'd throw another $.02 into the pot.

You're far better off knowing what you want/like than just walking down the aisle with those whom you knew you really couldn't commit to. Every marriage has problems and stress that comes with it, but it's much easier to get around when you know that you really are committed to the other person. Does true love exist? Fuck if I know... everyone has a different perspective and definition of that ever popular phrase. I think with the fact that you know what you like and want and that you're content, you've already won the battle and the rest will be just a bonus when it happens. Good luck!

 

You know, Glory is right. you can't love somebody else until you truly love yourself.

 

Hi. You must be new here.

 

fairly, yes. Howdy

 

I thought so. I'll give you this chance to change the whole Glory is right thing... cuz... well...

oh fuck it. Might as well leave it up for historical purposes.

 

Why do I just feel like I just stepped on a landmine?

 

I am a big fan of being single. I was in a 3.5 year relationship once, but that was YEARS ago. I haven't been in a committed relationship since.

I don't tend to actively date. I've tried because I think that's how things should be, but it's noticeable that I'm trying to force a relationship. I try WAY too hard and then fizzle. When I lived in Ohio and most of my friends were older, married and had children, I felt the need to be in a relationship. Now that I live in Oregon, the majority of my friends are younger than I am. Although they may be in relationships, they majority aren't married and that's a totally different feeling. I don't tend to force relationships as often, although I have.

The whole "school-girl crush" on Dr. McJerkyface was great. I satisfied any feelings of wanting to force a relationship but didn't actually pursue it. It was rather glorious. Now he just annoys the fuck out of me because he's such a douche.

Currently there is the whole ordeal with my co-worker that I have blogged about. I fear it may be one of those things where I feel as though I should be in a relationship and will try to force something. I'm really hoping that this doesn't result with him breaking up with his GF for me and me letting it fizzle and thus totally screwing this super awesome guy over.

Also, I've done that online dating thing out of request of friends. Said friends knew that I wasn't really someone who dated often and they respected that. They just wanted to see the hilariousness that ensued from me dating. They know I'm sort of a man-eater and they wanted to witness that first-hand. They didn't want to fix me up with their friends, because they didn't want to do that to them. So online/semi-anonymous dating seemed to be better. Yes, many stories have come out of that and my friends do enjoy them.

 

Some folks just "aren't the marryin' kind" as mom used to say. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds to me like you know what you want in a mate and are willing to wait for it. If more people took that attitude, there'd be less divorce.

When you say you are givien pause because some of your friends have problems in their marriage, remember that you are not those people. I think many people go into marriage thinking it will be some kind of perpetually blissful experience. It is not. It is day to day living with all the drudgery, heartache, fun, and excitement that day to day living has, except you are on that journey with someone who may percieve things differently than you do. Then its easy to get judgmental and self-righteous. When you find yourself saying "I'm the one who...." you are in trouble...

It's hard to share every aspect of your life with someone all the time (especially for an old special ops guy who can't get OPSEC out of his head). It should be someone you love, respect, and can tolerate in the long term....