Pointless Announcements

I got bored with the lack of man love, so I left.

 

You should have called on me. I was busy explaining to a new user that real men aren't allowed to cry.

...

I know, right? I was going to pop in there, crank up some Haddaway... we could bob our heads together at ZombieSquirrel like some real douchebags!

Relevant:

 

wifey outdid herself last night...I wasn't even able to try out the "it's clobbering time" bit because she beat to the punch so to speak...

boom badoom boom boom badoom yeah slap that ass

I died. then slapped.

and speaking of nicki minaj - I'd put mah beez in her trap.

 

Isn't that just the best? Especially when it's someone you've been with for a stretch. Just when you think they're playing all demure... suddenly they start grinning and asking--demanding--you to do things not approved of in the Good Book. Aaah, sweet memories of my decadent youth. I can think of two women I've been with that made me think about putting some of those "old person shower grab handles" around the bed. "Jesus, woman... give me a minute... I gotta rest on my adult monkey bars here... you're being way too sexy and my tiny lizard brain is still processing it all."

 

I like the name Tits McGee......It makes me giggle.

 

that's part of it... yes.I have a hard time processing things as it is, it's even more difficult when they *ahem* blow my mind.

The other part is we have this ongoing game where we try to come up with something so completely random that the other one dies from laughing, it's amazing how well the kegels work when someone is cramping from laughter. It's a fun game to say the least

 

Dude, that's hilarious... reminds of this one time my exwife and I were spending the weekend at her parents' place... sleeping in her old childhood bed... this super ancient 4-poster. We were getting down to business and the creaking just got outta control. I don't know exactly what the joke was or why it kept going--something about the bed being jealous or her parents sitting in the living room beneath us drinking tea and counting my strokes and quietly judging my manliness--but we both started laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe during parts of the session. Some of the best sex I've ever had. Oh, criminy... I'm getting all misty over here thinking about that stuff. That woman used to fuck me good 'n stupid all the goddamn time.

 

holy wow. I had to read your post twice because I swore I read you were getting moist on the first go round.

We totally need to write a book on this shit. It'll blow 50 shades of poo out of the water. I've never understood why people get all serious when it's time to fuck. I mean damn sex is supposed to be FUN.

Anywho, I'm now envisioning her parents trying to figure out why it sounds like wood scraping wood. Screwing around with the parentals close by was always a rush.

 

Most horrible part: Her father was a priest.

 

Mwahahaha!

It's cool, you were just performing an exorcism and slappin' some good ol' Jahezus into her

 

Earthquake 4.2 on Richter's scale about 10 miles from the office. More coffee anyone ?

 

You know, she emailed me a couple of weeks back for some bullshit reason. It had this stupid middle school note-passing kinda vibe. Been over six years since we last talked. I guess maybe she wanted to open a dialogue. I knew that kinda therapy wouldn't end well, so I didn't respond. Instead of ignoring/having fantasies about all the self-righteous vitriol I was gonna unleash, maybe I should have responded with something along the lines of:

 

Plan9

Hey, you're crazy bitch
but you fuck so good I'm on top it,
makin' the bed creak all night
yo daddy scratchin' his head
pray on...

 

Sometimes... sometimes... I want to party with you.

 

I don't think anything good could come from that.....

 

Lies.

You just wanna get close to mah wife and come up with remixes.

in the event that you aren't lying I'm sure we could get someone completely underhanded like the_jazz to forge and create some documents giving us diplomatic immunity so we can actually party our rather insignificant asses off.

 

Pfft, I don't wanna get with your inflatable date... and, as you've already witnessed, my Katy Perry remixes are already pretty legendary.

...

Are they delivering mediocre frozen pizza?

 

They are indeed.

But see, that plays into my whole Minaj, Perry and Rihanna fantasies. It's funny you mentioned your remixes though, E.T. just popped up on iTunes.




off to buy a new air compressor